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How do you cope with the behavior?


Forum: Children With ADHD

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  #1  
June 26th, 2011, 07:23 PM
fibigrey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I want to hear from some of the other parents here...I'm sorry this is long, and kindof all over.. i don't want to sound like a bad mom in this, so please don't be harsh.

How do you cope with your child's ADHD on a daily basis without becoming frustrated and feeling like a bad mom?

First let me say that my son has SEVERE ADHD.. I'm talking straight up, the kid needs some special care when it comes to taking care of him.. I work in doctor's offices and have seen children come in for ADHD, and med checks who don't even compare to my son.. His biological father has pretty severe ADHD still at over 30 years old.

Everyday is a constant battle between DS, DH, and anyone who takes care of him. He is so, so, so hyper 24/7.. first thing in the morning is awful, he is insane. As soon as he wakes up, he's hyper, argumentative, doesn't listen, gets into things, is emotional. I know this can be because he doesn't have meds in his system, but mornings are hard usually. Now that he's out of school, I give him his meds and actually ask him to play a video game just until the meds kick in because the games will occupy him enough to not drive everyone insane until his meds kick in a little.. Even when he plays video games, sometimes he will pause and run around, do things he isnt supposed to, etc.

He has another med check next week, and we are going to request either a higher dose, or a different med. The meds wear off at around 1-2pm, and he is almost worse than he was before hand. He is like a tornado. I describe him as a 7 year old toddler. If you try to go out in public with him he is talking non stop, running around, arguing, he thinks everything is halarious and tries to push as many buttons as he can..

If you discipline him it doesn't work anymore. Disciplining him is a chore in itself because he gets SO emotional and it makes things even worse. He will start with arguing until you virtually scream at him to do what you told him to.. i.e corner, bedroom, sit on the couch, etc.. then when you have to actually raise your voice he starts bawling and doesn't stop talking, he will whimper things like "YOURE MEAN!" "YOU DONT LOVE ME!" etc, etc.

Rewards don't help because he always forgets.. even when you remind him, 2 minutes later he is back to doing what he shouldn't have been doing.

We have offered to give him allowance at the end of everyday if he follows directions and doesn't argue, etc.. I know its impossible for him to not do it AT ALL, but just doing it 1/2 of what he does now is an accomplishment, and it doesn't work.. we try to reward him with doing something fun, like going to the movies, and he lost his privledge last weekend..

He just finally started therapy about a month ago. It was hard to get him approved for the program at school, it took work with his teacher and me to get a meeting scheduled for him at school to be evaluated for the services there. He will continue through-out the summer.

My son is just exhausting. I love him to death, but sometimes I feel like such a crappy mom because I lose my patience for him so quickly. Its hard when all day long its "mom, mom, mom, mom, want want want, mom mom mom" All day long you tell him the same stuff over and over and over.. "quit throwing that, don't pick your sister up.. leave your sister alone...please clean your room...you can't have that as a snack..get in the shower" he never, ever listens.. He argues everything and just doesn't listen.. ontop of his lack of listening skills he is just so HYPER.. he quite litterally bounces off things. Earlier tonight he cried and begged me for cookies for seriously 1/2 an hour, asking repeatedly if he could have some, AFTER he had pie for desert, mind you.
My mother in law watches my children while I work, and doesn't know what to do with him half the time, she says he exhausts her and she has never seen a child as hyper as him...She LOVES him, but he really exhausts her.. she is constantly arguing with him..sometimes she just gives up... one time she was getting him ready for school and because he wanted to watch TV he wouldn't give her the remote and refused to go to school... She went and tried taking it away from him, and he kicked her right in the stomach with both feet.. She is SO nice to him, and he takes such advantage of people who are nice to him.. Its like you CANT be nice to him, if you wan't him to listen to you AT ALL. It breaks my heart to have to constantly be so stern and "mean" to my son.

My dad asks all the time if there is a medication out there for him and we tell him yeah, that he's on it, and my dad just shakes his head.

I think he needs a different dose of meds, or a different med.. I know that the meds only help so much, but if we could at least get his level of activity under control, maybe the attention of listening would start to get better control as well?

we aren't bad parents.. he's not undisciplined.. he is a very disciplined child, and in retrospect to some of the children i've seen who don't even have ADHD, he is well behaved, and HAS a GREAT heart. He just takes things too far...alot.. he thinks everything is hilarious, and doesn't understand when something irratates or annoys someone.. doesn't understand when we just need him to stop talking and interrupting us for 5 minutes when mom and dad are trying to talk.. doesn't understand that he has to have better control over himself.

I just have no patience anymore what can I do? ANy tips of helping with behavior? I've tried charts, and rewards, and discipline..no avail..

*EDIT*** I want to mention that my son is not usually violent.. Him kicking my MIL in the stomach was the first time he's ever done anything like that....and it was in the morning, which is usually his worst time of day. just wanted to throw that in, that he is never usually violent, at all.. I fear he might get that way, but right now he isn't.
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Last edited by fibigrey; June 26th, 2011 at 07:33 PM.
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  #2  
June 29th, 2011, 04:05 PM
Britt3's Avatar Super Mommy
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I cried like a baby reading your message-- because I'm in the same boat. I feel like a terrible mother because my son is constantly in trouble. I feel like I'm always yelling, or putting him in time out, etc. I get so frustrated and just don't know what to do. I'm in your shoes exactly.

I don't know what to tell you, as I'm new to all of this, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone... because that's the only thing helping me get through at this point.
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  #3  
July 1st, 2011, 11:15 AM
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I am so sorry that you are dealing with this too.

In my situation, I try to ignore as much as I can. My DS's therapist says that I need to discipline the defiance but not the anger. If that makes sense. My DS will be told (or asked it doesn't matter) to do something and will get into a rage. "I hate you," "You're stupid," **You name it, he has said it (except cussing, he hasn't started that yet thank goodness) to me. So here recently I try to stay as calm as possible. Where I would normally yell back at him I try to ignore him. That of course makes him even worse and screaming at the top of his lungs but after about 5-10 minutes of getting no response he calms down.

Unfortunately, this is all still new for us because in the time before he calmed down he managed to break my bedroom door by kicking it. I have no clue how to handle that and just left him alone. He has an appointment in a few hours and I hope the DR has some suggestions. I do know that they have suggested the book 123 Magic to me but I have to get it back from my brother.

Hope it gets better for you.
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  #4  
July 1st, 2011, 09:28 PM
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Oh man...I could have wrote that exact thing about my 12 year old. I have a ADD andADHD child and my ADHD, Tyler is JUST like that. There are many nights I go to bed in tears because I am so frustrated with him. Mornings and bedtime is the worst for us too, I wish there was a med you could give via IVwhile he is asleep so when he wakes up the meds already kicked in lol.
But yeah I feel your pain, disciplining doesn't help, rewards don't help it's a constant battle.
Make sure you keep on the school abut getting help. I had to fight his school tooth and nail last year to get an IEP in place and finally the last 2 months of school we got it doneandnow it will carry through until the day he graduates.
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  #5  
July 20th, 2011, 09:52 AM
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i can relate my son was recently diagnosed with adhd
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  #6  
July 23rd, 2011, 08:39 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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2 of my boys have adhd and are now 16 and 20. When they were little I could have written what you all wrote. I felt the same way.

Have you talked to your child's therapist about creating a behavior therapy schedule for your son? Ours did and what a difference it made! And it all carried over into their therapy sessions. I had to keep a list of good and bad actions (it was a chart) and if they had a good week they got to play a game with the therapist. If it was not a good week they lost that game time. It has been a lot of years now, but I remember we had a timer in the house and I used it for time outs and also good actions. Adhd children thrive on routine and do not want to be interrupted as everything they do is so hyper-focused. So for example: If Kyle had 30 minutes of video game time, 10 minutes before I would say "kyle, only 10 more minutes left and then it is time to watch Barney" then say it again at the 5 minute mark as well. As time went on he knew this change was not an option but what the routine of the day was. We did lots of things with stickers and the stickers on the charts got them extra time with what THEY wanted to do. They earned video game time or tv time (computers were not big back then).

It was not an overnight fix, but we did see a huge improvement in our household within 3 weeks. It was such a fight at first but with concistancy (sp) over the years they have grown up to be great young men!
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  #7  
August 13th, 2011, 10:17 AM
fibigrey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i havnt checked this in a while, but thank you so much for your responses.. I am so glad that I am not alone! I have become frustrated with people thinking its our parenting and not a real condition.. my DH and I try our best to raise him the right away.. He doesn't get away with whatever he wants, etc... *sigh* and especially thank you missy, I will talk to his therapist about these suggestions, and thanks so much for letting us know how well your children are doing now.. I wonder alot about how he will be as a teen/young adult
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  #8  
September 16th, 2011, 03:11 PM
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I'm glad to finally see that I am truly not alone with dealing with this.

My son, Jonathon, who will be three in October is ADHA. He is very hard to take in public, he has loud outbrusts that become violent. My husband and I have stopped going out to eat due to his behavior and going on any outing is a chore. I feel I have become depressed from dealing with this all. When he is a in mood I feel like I've failed, that I'm not doing enough to help better his problem.

Its been alot of trial and error on our days. Thankfully the family has been a big help with everything we go through and have been big life savers.
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  #9  
September 26th, 2011, 04:06 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Listen girls - You can't do this on your own. There is help out there through therapy for ADHD children. A child therapist can end up being your best friend - there is little "self help" out there. I honestly would have lost my mind if it wasn't for her back then.

A good balanced regimen of meds, therapy, and behavior modification (with zanax for us sometimes, lol) is the key to helping your child succeed and you keeping your own sanity!
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After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
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Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #10  
September 27th, 2011, 05:22 AM
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ADHD is tough. You are all super mommies doing everything you can, so stay strong!

My 9yr old son is ADHD, with SID and TLE. The last 2 are unfortunate complications pre-birth. I have had my son to about 20 different specialists, including Neurologists, OT's and PT's for the last 5 years. We finally found a combination of meds and therapies that have improved our overall quality of life, and my son is finally finding it easier to make friends. I have cried alot over the years when he would be shunned by classmates. It was heartbreaking.

He is by no means a saint, even on the meds. I caught him last night chasing one of the neighborhood kids with a bat because he thought it was funny. He wasn't being violent, or hitting them, he just thought it was fun. We have good days and bad days.

My son is medicated for the ADHD and TLE and receives twice weekly OT. Mornings are chaotic in our house. My daughter is 4 and so far nothing to indicate ADHD.

Stay strong and best wishes

Last edited by LauraTTCat42; September 27th, 2011 at 05:29 AM.
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  #11  
September 27th, 2011, 11:27 AM
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Both my children are ADHD my son is also Bi-polar . My son was like that when he was little super hyper and ran and ran he even fell asleep running one time !!! At 10 mths old he learned to climb cabinets and we had to keep taking him off the fridge . He out grew his hyperness alot and meds are not an option for him since anything that could help the adhd throws the bi-polar out of wack and visa versa .
My daughter is a challenge she is hyper at times and super moody . We have come to call her bad moods in the morning "it" sometimes Emily wakes up and sometimes "it" wakes up it usually gets a giggle out of her when we say it woke up but sometimes we make "it" even madder lol .
I dont think theres really anything you can do to make your self feel better it will come with time . You will relize that its not your fault and you cant control the adhd . You can work to modify it with therepy , meds things like that . But one thing that I would like to say be very careful with the video games . They can acually bring out the hyperness more and be whats making him violent . I can always tell when my son plays video games at friends he comes home super hyper and like to wrestle and hit . Even games that dont have violence in them can still cause those effects .
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  #12  
September 30th, 2011, 11:02 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mindy scott View Post
But one thing that I would like to say be very careful with the video games . They can acually bring out the hyperness more and be whats making him violent . I can always tell when my son plays video games at friends he comes home super hyper and like to wrestle and hit . Even games that dont have violence in them can still cause those effects .
SO TRUE!!!

What is it with video games that makes them like this? Is it that they are so hyper focused that they can't tear themselves away? It is not the violence - we can sit and watch rated R horror films and he doesn't act this way. But try to break him away from a video game and all he!! breaks loose in my house.

Same with the cell phone and texting. The other day I asked him to do the dishes (it was on his chore chart so no big shocker) and he screamed at me. It turned into a huge 4 hour fight. He would run in his room and punch his bed/the wall and scream. My older boys came out and just stood there - they really thought he may hit me. It was a 4 hour battle and in the end I made him sleep with me because he couldn't control his anger. It was crazy. He was so mad at me but in the end I won the battle and all day yesterday things were so calm in my house again. I almost don't want to give him back his phone/games.

Could it be that they have such a hard time making friends that these online friends and games are a substitute for reality?
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CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
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Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #13  
September 30th, 2011, 12:40 PM
mindy scott's Avatar I love being me :)
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I cant remember what exactly why video games do this i will ask my sister she was the one told me about it . I think it may have to so with the graphics or something .
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  #14  
September 30th, 2011, 02:56 PM
AlexKatieAiden Mommy's Avatar Linda
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With my oldest it's the exact opposite, giving him his ds completely calms him down. Even after the ds is taken away the calmness remains.
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  #15  
October 3rd, 2011, 08:13 AM
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Missy I can completely relate to you. My son has a terrible time making friends at school (many cannot handle him), and he thrives with video games. I think it is because he is enjoying himself without feeling bad for others mistreating him or calling him names.

He also has major breakdowns if I take it away as a form of punishment. He definately does not know when to stop arguing either. I have tried explaining to him a number of times that if he just stops arguing, he could get them back, but he always has to have the last word. He is so emotional, and it hurts as a mother to see him hurting. I feel like a terrible mother at times also.
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  #16  
October 13th, 2011, 07:45 AM
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my 4 year old has just been diagnosed with adhd.. however, we suspected it for the last year, he has this along with some developmental delays. we went for a 2nd opinion and that dr said the same thing. going for a 3rd next week.. just very nervous about putting him on meds, which is what all the drs are suggesting. he is in a special ed preschool setting getting all his services (speech, ot, ed, behavior therapy). behavior-wise he does well at school (very structured environment) but not retaining anything in terms of learning. he just cannot focus long enough to retain anything. as far as home he is all over the place, moving from one thing to the next, he runs off in public, he is very implusive which makes it very difficult to take him anywhere, he also is very impatient. much of what you all write about sounds exactly like my son. very, very difficult to deal with. he is up at 5am every morning and is on the go from then on.. until he burns himselft out at night. i try to get him to focus on a particular task but he just can't. soooo my question is.. what should i expect with medication ? i ask you mom's who are going through it first hand. how will the behaviors we are seeing at home change ? i would deal with the behaviors at home.. and hold off on medicating but when he is not learning in school that changes everything for us. we want to get this under control before he starts kindergarten next year. another question i have is my son is still struggling with speech. he talks but he still struggles to get longer sentences out. did anyone else experence this ? wondering if it is related to adhd.. and if we can get him to slow down his speech will come easier for him. thanks so much for all your help. i read this board and really felt like you are a bunch of moms all going through the same thing as me and it is very nice to get positive feedback rather than people judging, especially people who do not have a child with severe adhd.. thanks so much.

Last edited by sdg; October 13th, 2011 at 07:53 AM.
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