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Help!! Advice needed for mum with 10 yr old adhd son


Forum: Children With ADHD

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  #1  
May 21st, 2012, 07:37 PM
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1
Hi, I am new here. I have a 10.5 yr old son diagnosed adhd (along with some aspergers/autistic traits). He does very well accademically and is generally above average for most subjects. I always thought as my child got older things would get relatively easier however, it appears to be the opposite. I will also say my son is extremely headstrong and displays signs of oppositional defiance disorder.
Previously he was in a public school and there were issues arising. We are now at a private school and for past 6 months all has been well. His medication does work but it has its effect during school hours and we cop the brunt of his behaviours at home.
He does not have any friends that he mixes with out of school but does play in a group at school. I dont think he has any close friends and from what I can gather I think most of the group probably likes him to some degree and tolerates him but wouldnt rate him as a good close griend to knock around with out of school.
My son is on meds (takes a long acting tablet to last during school hours) so for that first hour or 2 in the morning, life can be HELL! From the moment he wakes he is extremely loud, non stock talking and non stop moving. There is always some little drama going on with him to increase the already chaotic atmosphere he creates.
My twin daughters are only a year younger than my son (non adhd) and needless to say, they find their brother extremely annoying.
I am a stay at home mum and pretty much have no life for myself (no family nearby and very few friends who are working and have alot older children) so little contact. The mothers I have got friendly with over the years through school seems to have all dwindled away and I put it down to them not wanting their kids around my son as any contact abruptly ceased.
I worry about my son constantly and over the past 6 months I have spiralled into depression and each day I wonder if all I am doing is all for nothing. I try so hard for my son to learn the right way to say things, treat people, behave etc.............
An example would be my sons teeth are slowly turning a yellow colour but as hard as both me and hubby try, my son will not stand still long enough to actually brush his teeth. As he is brushing he is dancing or being silly by spitting or he wonders through the house and drops toothpaste all over the floor. Just him brushing his teeth morning and night in itself is a nightmare (not every single time but most times). I worry myself sick over his teeth and some mornings are so hectic I leave him to brush his teeth himsf and I know he literally sticks the toothbrush in his mouth and does a 10 second brush and he's done. When I try to explain I dont think you have brushed properly and I would like him to go back and brush again, he arks up with a big show about it (I did brush, I promise and no Im not brushing again). I worry myself sick about his teeth but lately I've had the attitude it dosn't matter what I do and how much I worry and fight him on this, it will never change and whilst I hate to say this, it's got to the stage where I no longer care. If his teeth turn yellow, so be it.
I hate myself for feeling this way but its happening in all areas. I see 2 different therapists for my son and I constantly read and research on how to improve things for my son and us as a family dynamic but lately I feel like just giving up on it all and am wondering if all I am doing is in vain. I have been doing the same thing for 10 years now and his behaviour (if anything) seems to be worse.
I am wondering whether there is any hope for the future. My siblings talk about their childrens first boyfriend, driving lessons etc that come with being a teenager and young adult but I dont think of any of those things. My thoughts about my son turn to physical fights he will become involved in, enemies he will create, drinking, drugs, reckless driving habits etc..............or even worse getting mixed with the wrong crowd and criminal activiites.
My husband struggles big time with our son (we think hubby has adhd but never diagnosed). If he yells at my son, my son will yell straight back at him. On 2 occassions during an extreme temper tantrum/rage my son has used abusive foul language and my husband warned our son if he said it again, he would get soap in the mouth. Son did it again and got some soap in his mouth and guess what...............he said the same swear words again and again.
Most mornings before taking the kids to school I am in tears and my son just makes horrible comments about me crying.
I hoping to get some advice from anyone or any hope for the future as I see my future with my son as very bleak and there is little enjoyment in our household these days. Did anyone suffer like this with their adhd child who then gew up to be a fine citizen in society and able to lead a normal happy life?
Thanks for reading
Tara
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  #2  
May 22nd, 2012, 09:26 AM
AlexKatieAiden Mommy's Avatar Linda
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,009
Welcome Tara!! I am Linda, mommy to 3. Alex is 7 and has mild autism and ADHD. Katie is 6 and has pFAS, ADHD and ODD. Aiden is 3 and more than likely has pFAS and ADHD.
I can say that your son sounds alot like Alex. Alex hangs out with kids at school but doesn't have any actual friends, which doesn't bother him one bit. Alex's ADHD is on the mild side so he isn't medicated, though might need to be in the future. I have found with him that deep pressure does wonders to help calm him down, he uses a weighted blanket at home and a weighted lap pad at school to help him out (I sell them in my etsy shop, link in my siggie, just to give you an idea of what they look like). Look up sensory processing disorder, and look up sensory seeking behavior. I have found that with Alex that he craves sensory input and when he does he tends to get super hyper, bouncing all over the place, bouncing off the furniture, etc. But once I bring out the weighted blanket it calms him right down. They also have weighted vests out there that might be beneficial in the morning for him. I have more to say but don't have time right now. I will come back on later and comment further.
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