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I didn't feel as negitive about it as I do now when I wrote it. Now I just hate the whole experiance. I feel robbed. There are even times that I feel stupid for going though the pregnancy and am questioning if it was really worth it. I mean I love my baby and all but I hate how I feel. I hate that i was the very last person to holder and really to see her. I only got to see her for moments before they took her away and I saw pics of her before I acctually saw her. I hate that I was seperated from her for so long after she was born (4 hours).
I don't understand why my body failed. Isn't it designed to give birth?
Dh and I agreed we wanted 4 children from the very first time we ever talked about it and now I'm kinda too scared to have any more. I'm scared my body can't handle 3 more c-sections. I'm still in a lot of pain and to beg my OB for pain meds because I am breastfeeding and they normally don't give breastfeeding moms anything.
I just feel like I'm in a cloud of bitterness, hate, and anger. I hate feeling this way. Did/does anyone else feel this way about thier c-section? How/did you get over it? Did you have any more children?
Awww, I read your birth story. You just had your baby. and a big .
I am sorry that you didn't get your natural birth and that you didn't have a good C-section experience. I think unplanned C-sections are way harder than scheduled C-section, b/c your mind isn't ready for surgery and you pushed for so long and had to endure so much pain before they do the section. I can only imagine that it must be tough for you.
Sounded real scary w/ your incision popping open right away. I was always worried about that. Luckily it happened in the hospital and not at home. Also not cool for your Dr not to give a prescription for pain meds. I thought that was standard? How is your pain now? Can you move around?
I don't know if it will help you but the pain will eventually go away from the C-section. And walking and moving around will get easier. You will even get a good night sleep again (after about 2- 2.5 months) when your baby starts sleeping through the night.
I think you can have 3 more children if you want. I mean I am not a Dr and don't know how your section scar is healing but it should be ok. A lot of women even do VBAC, but if you have a scheduled C-section things are so much different than if you have to go through labor for a long period of time. Try not to be discouraged.
Maybe other moms that had a similar experience can be more help than me. I had a scheduled C-section and didn't have to push like you did. I was also able to prepare mentally for it. That makes a huge difference I think. Keep up the spirits and hope you have a speedy recovery!
First you should understand that you are not alone - many c-section moms feel like you. Also, you are postpartum and your hormones are affecting you so greatly that things are much harder now. I have given birth twice (both c-sections) and I was a mess for weeks afterwards. You will probobly feel a bit better about things in the future. I had a very similar experience as you - I also did not see my son for more than a minute b4 they took him away, and it was 3 hours before I could hold him. Everyone else held him way before I did. I was sad about that - but it in no way effected my bond with my son - I am him mamma, his world and we are so happy. It is/will be the same for you. I think this is not a good time to worry about future babies. No matter how you give birth, most women feel like they couldn't handle it again soon after delivery. as my sisters OB said "No one would have more than one baby if they did not forget birth" I know the videos and some womens accounts look and sound so magical - but I have witnessed vaginal births and they are messy, difficult, painful and scary. Yes its a miracle - but so is a c-section birth! You created a human life and grew it in YOUR body! Its your amazing miracle of life and there is no reason you should feel like you failed!! You actually showed tremendous bravery and did a great thing for your baby by having the c-section that brought her safely into the world. I was very much afraid of having my 2nd c-section - but I can tell you that a scheduled c-section is soooo much calmer and nicer than an emergency - it was night and day! I got to hold and nurse my baby right away and I felt great. My 3rd c-section is alittle over a week away and I am really not scared at all, just super excited. I have no bitterness for women who have vaginal births - we all suffer and work to bring a baby into the world - its just in different ways. And, if you really want to experience a vaginal birth in the future it MAY be possible for you! Talk to your OB and visit the ICAN website. Take heart mama - its normal to feel the way you do. You are a great mom and you should relax and enjoy your new baby!
Danielle - Mama to William 02-05-08, Jackson 11-20-09 & Mason 09-08-11.
Also, I should add that I was extremely dissapointed in myself for not standing up more to my OB and felt alot of resentment towards her in regards to my c-section. I feel much better about that now too. I help educate other women, so they can hopefully avoid making the mistakes I feel I made and that helps me feel better. I am at peace with what happened and I do not blame myself anymore. Birth is unpredictable and different for every woman - sometimes things do not go the way you planned in life - we all have to face that at some time or another. We must move on - it is in that that we prove our strength. Nothing can stand in the way of your own happiness - only yourself.
BTW I just adore your babies name!! The meaning is perfect and I just love it!
Danielle - Mama to William 02-05-08, Jackson 11-20-09 & Mason 09-08-11.
Last edited by My3Boys64; August 28th, 2011 at 02:06 PM.
I've been in your boat! I went through 38 hours of induced labor while planning a NCB (and I agree Pitocin contractions a *****) only to end in a c/s.
I was pretty upset for a while. I feel bad that I experienced most of my DD's early hours through pictures, not in person. Time healed much of this. I still don't look at DD's birth as the dream I imagined but it is the way that she arrived!
I found out today that I am expecting #2. I am excited beyond belief. Looking toward delivery I know that I will have a planned day, not having the stress of am I in labor?
One thing I am looking forward to is the hospital that I will be delivering at has a nursery connected to the c/s OR. Unless the baby needs special care they open the door between the nursery and the OR and mom gets to be involved with the weighing, measuring, and first hours! This is important to me and makes me more excited for the birth of #2!
Feel free to PM me with any questions or just to vent to someone who has been in your shoes and understands!
Thank you ladies. I guess it's kinda nice to know I'm not alone. As far as pain goes, I'm still in some pain. I take 1 or 2 pain pills a day..I'm allowed 4. I try to keep it at one though because they make me sleepy. I'm not up to my normal activity level and riding in the car is miserable. I just started sleeping/laying on my side and it's helped a lot with me being able to rest. I'm still at the point where I don't bend well. If it's on the floor it doesn't exist anymore and all shoes are slip on.
I'm super blessed that Nara is such an easy baby. She already sleeps pretty well, is a minimal fusser, and keeps a pretty consistant shedual on her own. Her personality is just very laid back and easy going.
You guys will probably see me around for awhile! Thanks again for all the advice and the welcome.
I felt exactly how you feel. I still do sometimes, but it has definitely gotten a LOT better. It took me about a year and I did need professional help before I could start to recover emotionally. Please DON'T WAIT THAT LONG. There's a link in my siggy to a website that you may find helpful. Also fire your OB. Withholding pain medication from a post-op patient is a violation of the hippocratic oath and has been proven to significantly contribute to PPD, PTSD, difficulty breastfeeding, and difficulty bonding. Shame on him!
My daughter is perfect, but her birth was not. If you or someone you love is struggling to cope with a traumatic childbirth experience, please visit http://www.solaceformothers.org/
While I didn't feel like I had failed, I did have C section grief that wasn't really resolved until I had my son 6 mos ago. The whole thing was done as an emergency because I had pre eclampsia. I was given the magnesium and I was totally out of it for more than half the time. I didn't get to nurse my daughter for three days or see her that much because of my eds/how ill I was. That made me sad and afraid for a long time.
While I did have blood pressure problems the second pregnancy, I had Dr's who controlled the whole thing and were on top of it. I knew I would have a repeat C section, and I had more of a say in all of it. It was a totally different experience and I felt so much better once it was done!
You don't always have to have repeat C sections. This is your first baby, you definitely should educate yourself before getting pregnant again and gain as much control as you're able. Congrats on your baby!
Melanie, mama to Kaia, Ewan, and Paige
Paige Clementine born October 23, 2013