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I will have to admit this is not where I expected to be introducing myself but sometimes life just throws you curve balls and you do the best you can with what you got.
I labored for 43 hours and pushed for 3 of those. She was not coming down. Im too small to deliver a nine pound baby naturally. I was devastated and thoroughly panicked when my ob said the only way I was gonna have her was by csection. After all that work and envisioning an empowering, beautiful experience I just felt cheated and robbed of something that was supposed to be empowering and beautiful. Instead, it was scary and I felt like my body failed me.
I have a borderline phobic reaction to anything more invasive than say a shot. I was panicking the whole time on the operating table and so badly that after she came out my ob wanted to put me under just so I would be more comfortable. I refused as I get very sick after being put under,, and because I didn't want to be totally groggy and unable to interact with my little girl.
This experience has not affected our bonding at all. I'm just I guess mourning, for lack of better term, something that I dreamed of experiencing.
I'm 3 weeks post op and trying to tell myself everything is dandy in my world. I am so over joyed she is healthy and perfect in every way. But this one little thing kinda just hurts. In time I will be ok. I've felt worse and I pulled through, but for now I'm battling with feelings of I guess grief and disappointment.
Anyone else felt cheated like this? Is it normal?
Mom to a 2 year old baby girl, 2 week old baby boy, and one in Heaven.
In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.
Second: I know how you feel hon, I felt cheated with my first pregnancy, and like I failed myself. While I didn't labor near as long as you, I labored for 12 hours with no success and no progression, I didn't progress past 3cm and I felt like I failed. At 7:30pm when the nurses switched shifts and the new nurse came in to check me, I was still at 3cm, and by this point I was on the highest dose of Pitocin that was allowed and it did absolutely nothing to phase my cervix. After giving an update to the doctor he left the choice up to me, and I chose c-section because I knew if I hadn't progressed in the first 12 hours, I most likely wasn't going to progress over the next 12 hours. My son was born at 8:43pm, a healthy 5lbs 9oz and 19 1/2 inches long...September 30 2005 he is now 6 years old....Now I have another beautiful little boy born via repeat c-section who is now 5 years old and my beautiful princess who is now 2 years old, also born repeat c-section.
**Thank you Tasha_Mae for my BEAUTIFUL siggy!**
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