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unsupportive sister! Help please


Forum: Cesarean Section Birth

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  #1  
March 28th, 2012, 01:32 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
I'm currently 38 weeks and scheduled for a C-section next week. I understand that C-sections are controversial and I respect everyoneís own birth plan, regardless if itís natural, vaginal with drugs or C-section. My C-section is my choice based in the information I have been given about the size of my baby and the risks. I can live with having a C-section and him end up being an average sized baby, but I cannot live with trying to delivery him vaginally and risk putting him under stress, breaking bones, pinching nerves, or much worse.

Unfortunately, my sister has been my biggest stress. She is not supportive of my decision. She says things like Iím a control freak and she's never known a person to schedule a C-section other than pre-Madonna starlets. She constantly makes comments how I donít value her opinion on the matter, and how she doesnít trust my doctor. I'm one week away from having my greatest joy come into the world, yet I find myself constantly upset by her comments and it saddens me that I donít have a sister that I can count on for support. She even yesterday sends me texts how she wants her best friend who is a L&D nurse to be in my surgery room because her friend knows more about deliveries than my doctor (given she has never even meet my doctor, this is all based on the fact that my doc is allowing a scheduled C-section). I tried talking to her about how much stress she is causing me, and yet even after hearing me cry for over an hour, she still tried to tell me that I'm making a mistake by not listening to her. Then telling me how upset she is that I didnít invite her to any of my doctor appointments or ask her to be in the surgery room. My husband and really want this moment to ourselves.
Can anyone help me with how to cope with this?
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  #2  
March 29th, 2012, 07:42 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: OCNY
Posts: 6,411
Ugh! This is something you just dont need! I don't really know what to say except tell her exactly how you feel ! Just tell her its something you and your husband want to yourselves thats how my husband and I did it!
Also shceduling a c-section gets a lot of crap sometimes, luckily for me i medically cannot give birth vaginally so I really didnt have to deal with anyone being upset with me. . . but you are the one giving birth and tell her that it's obviously for the baby's well being, if you can have it done to guarantee the baby not having issues with stress and you staying "in tact" why not !
I know this probably wasnt really helpful. . . but i am trying lol hang in there and GL to you !
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  #3  
March 29th, 2012, 09:51 AM
Capns Girl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 1,693
She probably thinks that you're letting your doctor make the decisions. Maybe you just need to let her know that you've done your research. You know what the options and risks are and based on that you made your decision. Also a gentle reminder that this is your baby, your body and your decision might help too.

Has she ever been pregnant? If she has then remind her how annoying unwanted advise was.

If that doesn't work maybe you can ignore her until after the baby is born. I'm sure you don't need the extra stress this is causing.

Good luck and congrats!!
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  #4  
March 30th, 2012, 10:49 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
Thank you so much! I think Iím still in shock that my sister let me cry for an hour over the phone as I was telling her how much she was upsetting me, and she has no compassion regarding her actions nor that is I 38 weeks pregnant. She just continued to argue her point, as if that was going to change my mind. I just donít understand how she could be so selfish and make my baby and my delivery all about her.

She prides herself on being a licensed clinical social worker with a master in child development, however her own 2 children are constantly in the principalís office and many neighbors have refused to allow their children to be around them because of their bullying behavior. PS they are only 4 & 7 year old girls. Obviously they get this behavior from my sister and her husband, but she just thinks these parents are attacking her and makes up excuses as to why her childís behavior is acceptable.

My mother thinks she is so desperate to feel validated as a parent or as a knowledgeable mother figure that she is taking it out on me (especially because I donít come to her for advice). And why would I, I donít agree with her, however I donít voice my opinion about her parenting style because I would never want her to feel the way she makes me feel, and they are not my kids. So unless she asks for my opinion I donít give it, and even then, I try to make it about the girls and what they need rather than blame her.

I can't tell you enough how much your response mean to me. It makes me feel so much better. I've been trying to stay positive, but every once in a while her voice flashes in my head and I hear again some of the hurtful things she said. Her tone was so bitter and spiteful; I still can't get over it.

Anyhow, thank you ladies for your support and kind words.
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  #5  
April 2nd, 2012, 05:55 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: OCNY
Posts: 6,411
Any time !
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  #6  
April 2nd, 2012, 11:38 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 8,598
I am so sorry your sister is being difficult. Good luck with your c-section and enjoy your LO.
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Mom to M (6), K (4), and little rose (18 months)
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