Log In Sign Up

C-Section affecting bonding?


Forum: Cesarean Section Birth

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By neefer
  • 1 Post By IBelieveInAngels

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Cesarean Section Birth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
January 17th, 2013, 02:04 PM
Nervous Newbie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 503
Hi there, first time posting over here. Been reading through the posts and just wanted to ask a question or more so vent to see if I am normal?

I had my beautiful baby boy via emergency c-section Nov. 26 and love him to pieces. Cannot imagine life without him. I went into labor naturally with him and my water even broke on its own about 6 hours after labor started. The problem was that I was not dilating and after 12 hours was only 4 cm and then after laboring for 18 hours his heart rate started to drop and decided to do a section at 9:30 pm and he was born at 9:55 pm so pretty rushed, scary experience. Anywho I love my son very much it's just I can't get over the fact that I feel my body failed me. I am obsessed with watching shows about vaginal births and getting that urge to push and bring him into the world and bond and feel amazing and yeah I dunno. I have this bond with him, but it almost feels like I didn't birth him or he doesn't belong to me because I didn't "deliver" him. I have talked with my OB and he says there is nothing I did wrong or could have done to prevent it and even says the way he did my surgery I can definitely do a VBAC next time if I want. I just dunno, is it normal to feel this way? Like a failure as a woman because I couldn't do it. I know there is a grief section on this board, but it didn't seem very active and just wanted any kind of feedback. I know I am still dealing with PPD as well and feel that is playing into these thoughts also. Just looking for some reassurance that I am not crazy for feeling this way I guess and if I am crazy then I need to know so I can call the OB again lol.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #2  
January 17th, 2013, 02:58 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NE MS
Posts: 9,509
You are NOT crazy for feeling this way.Believe me...

I had a c-section almost 5 years ago.I was induced at 39 weeks due to toxemia/pre-eclampsia.I wouldn't dialate.So I had to have a c-section.I had a very hard time dealing with it and felt "cheated".My husband got to hold him and everyone got to see him and look at him throught the nursery window while I was in recovery.After coming back to my room I was so out of it due to all of the drugs they had me on I don't really remember much for that day and the next day.
I still think about that and it still makes me sad.

As far as bonding goes,I bonded with my son.Hang in there and if you need some meds tell your doctor.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #3  
January 18th, 2013, 11:43 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 287
Oh, you are not crazy at all. It is very common to feel that way. Only you know how badly you are feeling, so maybe talking to the doctor might be a good idea. But why don't you try thinking of things differently, and maybe you can pull yourself back up again on your own. Here are some things to consider...

My last baby was a premie (also c-section) and was in the NICU, spent 17 days in the hospital total. And for most of that time DH and I were only allowed to hold her a total of 30 minutes a day. Really took the wind out of my mothering instinct sails! Moms come in all forms...c-section, vaginal birth, premie, and even adoptive moms. None are any more or less of a mother than any others because of it.
Try to see it through your precious boy's eyes. He has no idea whether you pushed him out or if he was taken by the doctor. He looks up at you and you are his whole world...it will never matter to him, not even a little. Your disappointment is normal, just like gender disappointment, and breastfeeding failure, and premie moms coming home from the hospital emptyhanded. In a short amount of time you'll put it in perspective. It's just still fresh in your mind. Becoming a mom is probably the most special time in our lives and we all want it to be like a storybook...but just ask around and you'll see it rarely is.

Sending you hugs, and hoping you can feel better under your own power. But please seek help if you need it. We want you to be the happiest mama you can be!
The Kimber likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
January 19th, 2013, 01:04 PM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 26
It can be harder definitly. I felt the same way when I had my csection in 2006. Don't feel guilty. I still feel a little cheated, but know it was the best thing. Definitly talk with your dr.
__________________










Reply With Quote
  #5  
January 25th, 2013, 11:48 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 111
PLEASE do not take anything I'm saying the wrong way...I'm just asking mama to mama so maybe you won't have to suffer anymore. I'm wondering if maybe your thoughts of failure are a part of 'normal' Post Partum Depression (& I say 'normal' because none of it feels that way!!!)....SO many mamas forget our bodies, C/S, vaginal--whatever delivery--that's a LOT for us to go through!!! I wish I had asked for help with mine after my son was born...and a big reason why I didn't ask for help was it was never discussed with me the kaleidoscope of emotions (and hormones) running rampant after childbirth, and that what I was feeling was NOT me being a failure as a mommy for ANY reason and that there are people who care and want to help.

I wish you ALL the best...
Alpha_allie1010 likes this.
__________________
Sometimes the 'secret' of life is just appreciating what everone else overlooks....
Reply With Quote
  #6  
February 11th, 2013, 03:39 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,901
I think it's your PPD talking. I went through the same thing after 43 hrs of unsuccessful labor and to this day can't remember her measurements or how I felt except that I was worried I wasn't going to get a chance to meet my little girl. I watched the birthing shows and felt like a failure. I also had to force myself to connect with dd because I caught myself looking at her but not connecting with her on one or two occasions. What really helped me through that stage was attachment parenting. It really helped me bond. I still feel my body failed me so this time around I'm opting for a c section right off the bat so I can be aware of the baby's birth even if it's not a natural birth.
You'll feel better little by little and your bond will grow stronger, you just need some time to heal from the trauma of an emergency c section.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:30 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0