[Admin-pattyandthemoos]

A lot of people say you should take time to enjoy being a couple for a while before you have kids. Do you think this is true? Did you decide to enjoy being a couple/living together/being married (or whatever) before you wanted to introduce kids into the relationship? Do you think it matters?

[Arya]

I used to think that it would matter but now I don't anymore. Heck, we're not even married yet and we're TTCing hehe. It all depends on the couple I guess, for us, we don't see a reason not to have a baby right away.

[Coley]

Ok. I don't think that you have to be "married" persay. HOWEVER... I do think that it's better if you are together for a fair bit of time before you try to bring a baby into the mix.

I say this because any time you mash two people's lives together, there are always kinks and knots that have to be worked out. It takes time to figure out how he needs to be talked to or how she needs to be shown that she is loved. These are all things that, if you don't know the right answer, can cause arguments, hurt feelings and sometimes... break ups.

For us... we knew we wanted to have children very early into our relationship. But, I'll tell you now... if we had allowed ourselves to get caught up in the novelty of new love and had a baby that early on, I do not think we would be as happy and healthy a couple as we are now. We know so much more about each other, and things are so smooth between us that we are now ready for the new kinks and knots that a baby will inevitably bring.

[DeepSouthMommy]

I think that you should be together for a while before TTC. Not that I think you have to be married, but together for a bit. I had a guy friend tell me years ago (before I'd ever lived with a boyfriend or anything), "Don't ever move in with someone until you spend time with them around their family and you've gone on vacation with the person", because that's where he'd always run into trouble. LOL

Seriously though, I think it's best to really get to know the person and to go through some ups and downs first, because pregnancy, childbirth and raising a child are not always easy. I'd hate to see someone get into a position of having a child with someone when they don't know how the other person deals with different things.

DH and I will be married 1 year next month, lived together for almost a year prior to getting married, and were dating for almost a year prior to that. We said from the get-go that we wanted to take our first year of marriage for ourselves. I just got a little impatient and jumped the gun by a couple of months in trying. LOL

[Arya]

Oh, I absolutely agree with you guys, I didn't mean that you should start having kids with someone without being together for a while. DF and I have been together for 3 years now, engaged for year and a half. Plus we're not getting any younger hahaha so having a baby right now seems right.

[DeepSouthMommy]

Originally Posted by Arya

Plus we're not getting any younger hahaha so having a baby right now seems right.

[Tammyms]

Normally my answer would be to take a bit of time and enjoy each other... we've only been together a year and a half, getting married 2 weeks and 1 day! but, with DF's age, he will be 38 in Sept, we don't want to wait, and I will be 33 in Dec. The other half of that is that I knew it wouldn't happen right away for us. For us it's right and we both want it, if it were us 5 years ago, I don't think we'd be ttc just yet.

[CandaceDianne]

We both wanted to be married for sometime before we had kids. My stepmom reminded me the other day of my PLAN when we first got married: get a house, finish school, and in about 4 years start trying to have children....well, I got one right! We bought a house 2 months after eloping (we lived with his parents), I finished just my AS, and then we are just in a place where we are both (well, mainly him) are ready to start a family (our 3 year anniversary is the 21st). We were close, but a little off.
I agree with the above, I think its important to live together and work out the kinks before TTC. I am not saying it couldnt work, but it can put a strain on your relationship. If you would have asked me 5 years ago if you should live together before you get married, I would have disagreed....but my views on that have changed. It took DH and I about 2 years of marriage until we worked out everything. We had a rough start (partially because we were both fairly young, 22 and 23), but with some counseling and prayers, the worst of the kinks have worked out fine. that's just my opinion though.
I have truely enjoyed every second of our 'alone' time. I will greatly miss it, but something new, exciting and fullfilling will be blessed in our home. Something that will change our lives forever...for the better. I wouldn't change a thing in our relationship. I think it was the best decision that we waited to TTC, thanks to my DH who had enough sense to stop me.