[Tammyms]

Oh god, I need some words of wisdom here. I'm stressed, I've had no sleep, and I don't even know myself right now! I'm angry and mad at DF for quite a few reasons he's being a typical boy that doesn't listen to anything and sees no need for anything important to be a rush. I won't go into details, but truth is I need time alone to just cry it all out. I asked him to not bring his kids here tonight but get the tomorrow morning before we head out, and guess what, he's bringing them here. I'm in the middle of an emotional meltdown in which I can't stop crying at everything and the last thing I need is his kids here to see it. I can't even just sit tonight because I have so much left to do I didn't think it was too much to ask for a night, but I guess it was. I'm so bad I'm tempted to get myself a hotel room.

I'm just at the point where I want this wedding to be OVER. I wasn't stressing until everyone else started in on me and is expecting way too much from me, more than I can handle. I don't want to go into every detail, just don't know how to not freak out. I feel like I'm catering to everyone else's needs but my own and I'm spending all my time calming everyone else down and now I'm spent.

And then of course there's af. I didn't think it would hit me that hard with her showing up but I'm just sitting here sobbing uncontrollably. I know many woman out there have been at it a lot longer, but I wanted it so badly, and to top it off she's here for my wedding. Perhaps a huge part of my emotional issues because everything is ten times worse since going off BCP. Now another stress, I don't know how to deal with me being in my dress and going to the bathroom that day with a bridesmaid in there with me.

How do I get my emotions in check, i can't just be alone and get it out so I need to bottle it and that doesn't work with me.

[Admin-pattyandthemoos]

(((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Try not to be upset with DF. He probably just wants the kids to be part of his big day. Don't worry if they see you have a melt down. Kids are pretty smart and I bet
they can handle it. You are about to get married. You are supposed to be a wreck!

I have the most terrible PMS and when AF shows I can be REALLY not fun to be around. I can only imagine having to deal with that and planning a wedding too. Do you have a girlfriend you can call? This is what I do when I am melting down. I usually call up my sis and I have been known to just drive an hour to go sit and have a cup of coffee just to calm myself down. I know you have a wedding to plan but you have to take care of you. Can you see if one of your girlfriends or family can come help you?

And PLEASE stop with the apologizing. I don't know who would expect you to feel differently under the circumstances.

You are going to be a married woman tomorrow! Try to focus on the good stuff. I think it is normal to have fights/tension right before a wedding. I know dh and I had a big fight right before we got married (I mean right before) and well you know what we're still married. It will be okay.

[Coley]

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

First... I am so sorry about AF showing. I know you were really hoping for a BFP or at the very least to not have to deal with her on your wedding day.

As far as you having to deal with & calm everyone else and not do for you... maybe it's time to pull Bride rank and just say "Look, I am getting married shortly and I am really going to need you to put on your big girl/boy panties and sort it for yourself."

I know you have a lot to do to prepare for the big day, but you don't want to be upset and stressed and feeling like you want it to be over. So, put yourself FIRST, take a drive, get a coffee or an ice cream or whatever your heart desires. Even if you sit in the car, away from DF and his kids, alone and just get all the bawling out if that's what you need to do.

Your hormones are all raging at the moment, you're about to have the biggest day of your life, along with the disappointment of not getting a BFP... I think it's perfectly understandable that your emotions are a bit more raw today than they would normally be.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I hope it passes soon because you are about to embark on the happiest day of your life... even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

[jsim]

**hugs** I remember that day too, and if it makes you feel any better I too was facing AF... what a horrible mess!!! I was dealing with warring members of my family etc... and finally I just said "SUCK IT UP!!!" I think everyone was so taken aback that they all laid off. Take some time for yourself... take an hour and go get a massage... or whatever you do to feel better! Just remember to have fun, its your special day!!! I'm also very sorry about your BFN, but just think... this means you get to drink!!!!

[CandaceDianne]

Tammy, I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with right now!!
I remember planning my wedding, it was so stressful DH and I just eloped. Just get through one more day and this will ALL be behind you. You are a strong woman and I know you will some how get through this. Let your emotions out! Its not good to keep them bottled up inside. You are going to makea beautiful bride tomorrow!!! I know AF is here and I wish there was something I could say to make her unwanted welcome OK, but I know how bad you wanted that BFP (we all wanted it for you and for ourselves). You WILL get your BFP one day!!!!! I know you will and when you do, you will be such a wonderful mommy!!!!!!!!
Dont be scared to tell people to deal with it if its something you dont feel like dealing with. Tomorrow is YOUR day girl, no one elses (besides DH). Make sure you feel like a princess tomorrow and that you are treated like one. Try not to stress over the small things. I cant wait to see pictures!!

[Arya]

I'm so sorry Tammy, I know exactly how it feels when you can't stop crying at every little thing. I hope you're feeling a little better now, and just go out and do something for yourself. After the wedding, all that weight will be lifted off. Have a happy day!

[Cheryl_W]

Awww, TTC Buddy!! *hugs*

Ok, been there, done that - actually, just over 6 weeks ago. Pretty much the exact same thing - so try this.

First, breathe. Go outside, away from everyone, and just sit and breathe - do NOTHING wedding related. I know, there's lots to do, but deal with it later. Just sit alone for a few minutes, and get your barings back.

Now, go inside and get the kids involved. I know, they might mess things up or whatever, but make them part of the day. You're becoming their step-mom - you'll take care of 3 things this way. One, you'll have less to do yourself because the kids will take some of the workload (and DH can help them, so you can do your own stuff!) Two, DF will be happy you're involving them. And three, whatever it is that they help with will mean a lot in 10 years when you dig through your keepsake box

Now, once the kids and DF are busy doing wedding stuff for you, go take a bath. Get your pampering out of the way. Tell DF to tell anyone who calls that you're busy.

When you want to deal with those people, thank them for caring about your day, and tell them it would be helpful if they could deal with a few things on their own. Make them feel like they're contributing - that's all everyone wants, really. To be a part of the wedding. I know, it screws up a lot of stuff and causes stress, but letting them do it is less stressful than fighting it - trust me.

As far as AF showing up, don't worry. Think of this - you now get to drink at your wedding, drink champagne with hubby on your honeymoon, and enjoy your first month as newlyweds as just the two of you... Not the two of you, plus baby.

I couldn't see it then, but looking back now, I'm really happy I wasn't PG at our wedding - we got time to enjoy eachother, enjoy being married, and enjoy our wedding without worry.

And AF being there on your wedding night - you know, AF was there on our wedding night, but we were so tired that we didn't want to BD anyway. We wouldn't have enjoyed it, or remembered it for that matter... We both agreed that wasn't the way we wanted to start our marriage - BDing because we're "supposed to", even though we didn't want to.

So instead, I made a really romantic meal for DH, decorated the bedroom with flower petals and candles, dressed up in something sexy, and DTD when AF was gone - and it was the (second) most romantic night of our lives! Trust me, you'll look back and remember that moment just as fondly regardless of when it happened. It is just as special

Hugs, buddy - I know it sucks now, but things are actually working out better - trust me!

Happy wedding day's eve!

[Tammyms]

The saddest part about this is that it was me who wanted the kids involved in our wedding... DF didn't really care if they were there or not. He wanted a destination wedding and I was the one who refused so that his kids could be there. Then, it was me who suggested that they be junior groomsmen and I have a couple of junior bridesmaids so that they could be an even bigger part of our day. He didn't want that at first either, I cried then too because I didn't understand why not.

I'm actually getting married Sat guys, tomorrow we're just leaving for Jasper to be there a couple days early

That was my reason for wanting alone time tonight, I can't stop crying and really don't want them seeing me like this. I just wanted us to get some stuff done and have one night alone with him because it's been quite awhile between work and being out of town that we've had a good chill night together.

He's now mad at me for this whole wedding, cost, my efforts, etc. saying I should have picked something cheaper and simpler so I wouldn't be under so much stress. Well, in the beginning I wanted to have it at my aunt's beautiful lake lot cabin, but he wanted mountains, so mountains it was, but conveniently he doesn't remember talking about it so is saying I never told him. We discussed it many times but he's adamant that I never gave him that option.

The other part of my stress... I'm pretty much paying for this wedding on my own. He has no spare money, isn't allowed credit, so I'm paying for it all and if he has an extra bit of money here and there he passes it on. I got upset that he didn't even save up some money to pay for his kids clothes and he fought me on that big time saying I know he has no money so how can I even ask about it... he got $ from somewhere and paid for his kids clothes, his suit, and their haircuts... but I had to remind him, I don't have money either, I have a credit card.

I love him, don't get me wrong with all these rants... there's also still problems with child support that I wanted cleared up before we got married because it puts my house/assets at risk because he has none. This has been on his plate for months and he didn't want to deal with it. He promised me it would be taken care of before our wedding so I'm hurt and angry at him for not taking care of it.

And now we find out for work that he may end up having to go to work tomorrow sometime before midnight. He has leave days booked off starting midnight tomorrow, and his work has no forgiveness for sick days and whatnot. Could be gone for 4 hours, 12... up to 2 days.

There's more, there's way more but I'm overflowing and just can't take anymore

[Cheryl_W]

Hmm... Pardon my french, but it sounds like he's being a bit of a jerk about the whole wedding. Nevermind paying for it on your own, but making you plan the whole thing and then arguing with you about the decisions is a little, umm, uncalled for...

Don't worry, Tam - you're both under a lot of pressure right now. Our relationship went through a real rough patch right before the wedding for the same reasons - but it all works out in the end.

Take your time, go to the hotel if you want, enjoy yourself and pamper yourself - bring over a sitter and drag him out for a late night snack or a walk to get some alone time.

Your sisters are always here

[DeepSouthMommy]

I know I'm late in posting here, but I have to tell you this! On DH and I's wedding day we had SO much go wrong and SO many things that didn't even happen that it was ridiculous! But we finally just said "To heck with it" and went on about our way. Because I can tell you from my own personal experience, that none of that mattered, we were married and that's all we really cared about in the end.

Warring families, no help from anyone, money problems, the whole nine yards of it were on our shoulders. So we just shrugged it off and we were much better off for doing so. It allowed us to enjoy our wedding regardless. :-)

Btw, I forgot to tell you congratulations on the wedding and as far as Saturday goes, use a tampon and a pad so that you can go longer without needing to use the potty for that. Hopefully in a couple of days it will have slowed enough that you can get away without having to change either for a while and can try to get through the wedding and reception without the worry of it. ;-)