Hubby is not into having sex

jewelsgurl23 · #1 September 10th, 2009, 07:08 AM

hi

last night when we DTD he was not even into it at all. nothing.

he didn't even seem to enjoy to much.

just how he was acting.

we have only done it 4 times so far this cycle so its not like we have been running a bd marathon.

the last time we had sex besides last night was on monday at like 12 in the afternoon and he was really into it to.

probably cause he hadn't had it for 5 days since AF was on during that time.

what can i do?

hes tired all the time and hes not even working so he can't be tired from that.

ladies any suggestions at all?

thanks

CandaceDianne · #2 September 10th, 2009, 07:14 AM

Sounds like he may be a little down. I know I get like that when I am stressed, not in the mood and tired all the time. Is he unemployeed by choice?

Bayamount · #3 September 10th, 2009, 07:16 AM

Have you tried to change your approach? Sometimes just finding another way to turn him on, spice it up a little or change from the "routine sex"?
After 5 years, dh and i still loved having sex but i was getting a little bored, so we bought board games and in one night it changed everything! It was like a whole new way and it was very exciting. Now, we're back!!!

CandaceDianne · #4 September 10th, 2009, 07:17 AM

I want to try board games!!

I have seen those but have been too shy to buy them!
I know we like coming up with new positions every once in a while.

jewelsgurl23 · #5 September 10th, 2009, 07:23 AM

nope he unemployed by the company he worked fors choice.

we just got a hole lot of money in last week from his 4 01k and he wanted to buy a new tv with it when we already have 3 tv's in the house.

i had to put his end back on straight with the tv's.

i don't see how he can be stressed since the bills are all paid and we have lots of money now.

i don't know what to think now.

hubbys not into playing any kind of board games what so ever.

i don't even make it baby sex anymore. i have been trying to make it fun sex instead. any other ideas?

thanks

CandaceDianne · #6 September 10th, 2009, 07:30 AM

I think it may feel a little down. We just went through the same thing, its a horrible situation, even if all the bills are paid. Guys feel they need to be the bread winners in the family and that has been taken away from him, not by choice either. Have you tried talking to him about sex and why he isnt into it?

Blue Eyes 409 · #7 September 10th, 2009, 09:12 AM

Well I am NO help because my husband is always like that I have tried everything. I found that just waiting till I am close to ovulation is my best chance Ovulation test are a great thing. Maybe just make it a romantic evening for him when you need to and that may help.

Tammyms · #8 September 10th, 2009, 09:16 AM

I'm with Candace on this one... my DH has no interest in sex whatsoever when he is stressed, down or just has things on his mind. Even he doesn't realize it until way after the fact. Does he want to be working?? Could it be affecting him that it wasn't his choice to be done work?

jewelsgurl23 · #9 September 10th, 2009, 10:17 AM

hey

yeah thats part of it. he doesn't feel guilty anymore and i asked him what was bothering him and he said i don't know. then some people took a whole payment out on a loan in full when we had already asked for installment payments so thats the other part and the bad thing is that they never told us that they were going to take the money in full either. they kept calling the bank every day waiting to get there money.

thanks gals

CandaceDianne · #10 September 10th, 2009, 10:30 AM

Sometimes just letting him vent to you, if he wants, helps relieve stress. Maybe try taking a nice walk together around the park or neighborhood so you can burn off negative energy and talk. Sometimes walking will bring out the talking. GL sweetie!! I know its tough, DH is stressing me out with all his venting....but its worth it so he can get it off his chest and deal with the problems.

The things we do for our DHs!!!

Bayamount · #11 September 10th, 2009, 10:32 AM

You know, it does not have to be a board game! sex shops have plenty of things you can try, if he is an open minded guy, simply going there and exploring as a couple can be loads of fun! and please don't be shy, the people there are usually great, and used to talking about these things and giving advice. They don't expect you to go in there and talk about the weather

Isn't there anything he's always wanted to try that could excite him a little? something different?

Tammyms · #12 September 10th, 2009, 01:03 PM

Bayamount is right! I used to sell sex toys as a side job and did quite well at it! I was open and made people feel comfortable and let them know everything I tried and what worked and didn't, I gave out some great ideas and got a ton of great feedback! To me, it was fun to help!!!

Admin-pattyandthemoos · #13 September 11th, 2009, 09:38 AM

Well dh and I went through one dry spell in our relationship and the reason was because of non-sex related issues. We had some marital issues to work through and the lack of sex was just a symptom.

I think sometimes you get out of practice with sex and the less you do it the less you want to do it. I started having sex with dh even though I was just going through the motions and eventually my sex drive (and his) was back. Now we bd all the time. But we also communicate a lot better. I don't hold back my feelings and he tells me his. I think sometimes people get turned off and it isn't because of sexual issues but it has to do with pent up feelings that you aren't talking about.

Talk about it. Tell him how you feel. Find out what really turns him on and go from there.