Does anyone ever come across people like this? LONG, but I need some support! UPDATED

crazybabybrain · #1 October 17th, 2009, 05:51 AM

This is my 4th cycle really trying, and I know that is so not long at all, but I am starting to feel frustrated. I never thought that I would be pregnant by now, but something about being so focused on it is getting to me. I am having pessimistic thoughts, and that is probably not helping the situation. I think this is why these thoughts started creeping into my head: I am a teacher, and work with all women, and we are all pretty close. There are four of us (that I know of) who are currently trying. Yesterday at happy hour, some of the older women were talking about one of the girls who temps (they don't know that I temp, but they know I am trying), and they were saying that she needs to calm down or it will never happen for her. They said if she is too focused on it, the stress will affect her body and it will never happen. They were also not being very nice about it. They were kind of talking about her temping and scheduling sex in a mocking way. Obviously, I sat there knowing that I do the same thing and started feeling defensive and questioning myself. I left happy hour feeling a little upset/frustrated and their words have just stuck with me. It also didn't help that I think I Oed yesterday, and was probably more emotional and easily hurt than normal. Last night, I didn't even want to bd because I was in such a funk, but thank God, dh talked me into because he knew it was an important day in my cycle. What do you guys think? Do you ever come across people who make you feel bad for trying so hard? Do you think what they said (about it not happening if you are too focused on it) is true?

PS I just realized this was a little unclear. The "older women" that I was talking about weren't older women TTC, these were women past childbearing age, who have kids my age. They were talking about the younger women who are TTC and how we are more uptight about it than they were back when they were young. They both said they didn't even try. I was the only person TTC who was there.

AlanaIris · #2 October 17th, 2009, 06:52 AM

I don't think people who do not chart are any more likely to become pregnant than us charters. I think it just depends on them and their partners fertility and well, luck, really. When we were TTC our first, it took one cycle, and I was only using OPKs. And that was only 2 years ago. And this time it took 4 cycles for me to get a BFP and then I m/c'd. And I've been charting for about 3 cycles now. So now we're on cycle 5.
I think it was rude of them to say the things they did about your friend. Maybe they are just frustrated that it isn't happening right away for them?
I've never come across anyone who feels that way, at least that I know of. Most people don't know that I am charting, just my sister and my best friend. But, I don't really talk about TTC in general.
I'm glad that your DH talked you into BDing yesterday. What a good DH! I hope you're feeling better and I hope you caught your eggie!

crazybabybrain · #3 October 17th, 2009, 07:24 AM

Thanks!!! I think the other women just got into my head and made me feel uncomfortable. I am happy dh made me bd! I am lucky to have him!

DeepSouthMommy · #4 October 17th, 2009, 08:02 AM

Aww, I'm sorry those women got you into such a funk. I see where they are coming from because it's a medical fact that stress can and does have a physical effect on your body, but I don't think it was necessary for them to be talking about anyone in that way. Truth is, things are so much different now than when they were having kids that they likely don't understand as much detail of how things work (like the egg living for only a short time, etc.). So don't let them bother you. They sound like nothing but a bunch of old coots who have nothing better to do with their lives than gossip.

Have a good day hun and good luck this month!

Mod-LilSunshine · #5 October 17th, 2009, 08:07 AM

Ugh, they are probably so old that they forgot what it was like to want a baby.

Nobody has really said anything negative to me about temping, but, I haven't really told too many people that we are trying. Only a couple of my close friends and my immediate family even knew about my m/c.

GinaOfAllTrades · #6 October 17th, 2009, 08:08 AM

I am sorry that they made you feel that way. I am sure that was not their intention. Even if they were talking behind the other girl's back. Sometimes you just have to take things the "older generation" says with a grain of salt. Times are certainly different then they were back then. Then you either got pregnant or you didn't their wasn't all of these fertility treatments and such then so they just lived with what happened.

Hope you feel better and hope you get your BFP soon.

Admin-pattyandthemoos · #7 October 17th, 2009, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazybabybrain

This is my 4th cycle really trying, and I know that is so not long at all, but I am starting to feel frustrated. I never thought that I would be pregnant by now, but something about being so focused on it is getting to me. I am having pessimistic thoughts, and that is probably not helping the situation. I think this is why these thoughts started creeping into my head: I am a teacher, and work with all women, and we are all pretty close. There are four of us (that I know of) who are currently trying. Yesterday at happy hour, some of the older women were talking about one of the girls who temps (they don't know that I temp, but they know I am trying), and they were saying that she needs to calm down or it will never happen for her. They said if she is too focused on it, the stress will affect her body and it will never happen. They were also not being very nice about it. They were kind of talking about her temping and scheduling sex in a mocking way. Obviously, I sat there knowing that I do the same thing and started feeling defensive and questioning myself. I left happy hour feeling a little upset/frustrated and their words have just stuck with me. It also didn't help that I think I Oed yesterday, and was probably more emotional and easily hurt than normal. Last night, I didn't even want to bd because I was in such a funk, but thank God, dh talked me into because he knew it was an important day in my cycle. What do you guys think? Do you ever come across people who make you feel bad for trying so hard? Do you think what they said (about it not happening if you are too focused on it) is true?

PS I just realized this was a little unclear. The "older women" that I was talking about weren't older women TTC, these were women past childbearing age, who have kids my age. They were talking about the younger women who are TTC and how we are more uptight about it than they were back when they were young. They both said they didn't even try. I was the only person TTC who was there.

Pay no attention to the stupid ladies at your work. This is what I say to that.

They just don't understand how hard ttc is and probably aren't that educated on how their bodies work. JM has a really great article on this exact topic.

Trying to Get Pregnant - Are You Trying Too Hard?

I have tried it both ways and guess what the relaxed approach didn't get me pregnant any faster. I feel better knowing when I ovulated and knowing I timed things well.

crazybabybrain · #8 October 17th, 2009, 11:03 AM

Thank you everyone. I am feeling better already. The article made me feel alot better, Patty!

Admin-pattyandthemoos · #9 October 17th, 2009, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazybabybrain

Thank you everyone. I am feeling better already. The article made me feel alot better, Patty!

((((((((HUGS))))))))) People can be so insensitive sometimes.

TeresaSuperMama · #10 October 17th, 2009, 04:40 PM

People like that annoy the piss out of me! I think it is irritating and stupid! I do not think that relaxing will get you a baby and that thinking just makes me mad. I wouldn't pay any attention to that.

jenine · #11 October 17th, 2009, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazybabybrain

Do you ever come across people who make you feel bad for trying so hard? .

Yes, yes and yes! I have not told very many people we are TTC, mostly because I am just kind of private and I don't want people asking me about it all the time and reminding me that it hasn't happened yet. I haven't told anyone about charting and temping. So I can't say people have given me a bad time about that specifically, BUT the people who do know we are trying always tell me to relax and "It will happen as soon as you stop paying so much attention to it" and things like that.

It is SO annoying! As if not knowing when you ovulate is really going to make it more likely that you BD at the right time. There is something to be said about stressing too much, but I don't think charting and paying attention to your body is likely to cause enough stress to make you infertile.

Just ignore those women. Maybe if you personally felt you were stressing yourself to death over it, then I would step back and look at whether it's doing more harm than good. But if you're able to keep it fun and light with your husband and you don't let it drive you nuts, there is NO truth to the "just stop thinking about it and it will happen" nonsense.