My temps are dropping :(

Mommytobe92 · #1 July 26th, 2007, 09:28 AM

My temps has been dropping by 0.1 deg since Sunday. You would think that after soo many failed cycles that it would make a woman immune to the heartache of another negative result, right? Nope. Everytime it fails, my heart aches again, and it slowly dies inside. I don't think we could ever get "immune" to the heartache of not being able to be a mother.

The last time my DH and I talked with our fertility doctor, we discussed about gestational surrogacy. Since I have only 1 more frozen emby left, we decided that I would do another FET cycle and use a fresh IVF cycle for the GS. The main problem with GS in Canada is that, it is illegal to pay money to the surrogate, but without compensation, who on earth would do it for free??? Surrogacy is not illegal in Canada but the monetary compensation is!! I heard that they are going to change the regulations soon but I don't know how soon. Many Canadians have to find their surrogates in the US and I just need to clear my head and think of the how-about of doing it. The receptionist at the fertility center is supposed to give me the phone number of the surrogate agency but she has not called me back yet. sigh. And that was about 3 months ago.

The reason I didn't call her back was because I was hopeful that my acupuncture treatments would bring good results. I was confident, really, I still am. I haven't used any HPT yet this cycle but I'm having bad feelings u-know-who would show up.

Everytime I write down my temp, I feel like "cheating" on it, u kwim? During O time, I wanted to write down a temp lower than it actually is, and during the LP time, I want to "artificially" make the temps higher to make the chart look more pleasing. I know it's wrong to do that. I'm only deceiving myself. But sometimes you have to deceive yourself to keep on living, right?? or is it wrong? How do I live with this heartache? :-( omg, I'm ranting...I hope I'm not having a Britney Spears type of breakdown, that poor girl.

Anyway, my LP is about 15 to 16 days and I have a few more days to go. I hope this agony won't last long, I want a BFP, positive pleaseeee...
Sorry for the rant but thanks for reading it.

BeckyK · #2 July 26th, 2007, 10:39 AM

I'm so sorry. I don't really have any advice but I am thinking about you. I have my fingers crossed that you will still get your BFP.

JustWant2Love · #3 July 26th, 2007, 12:33 PM

(((Hugs)))

I know what you mean.. I kind of feel like that now. Charting just really sucks. We were 'casually TTC' for 2 years before I started charting.. and honestly, not being pregnant didn't bug me *too much* during those two years. I guess I just told myself that since weren't really trying, it was okay if I wasn't really pregnant. I guess we do what we can to make ourselves get to the next day, or the next temp. In all honesty, I wanted to be pregnant so badly.. and we (mainly me) were trying so hard.. having sex at what should have been the right times, etc. But it was easier to make it 'okay' by not really trying (charting, hard-core BD'ing, etc). Now that I am charting, it's just so hard because I can't make excuses.. I know I should O, and if I don't, then I don't.. I know when we BD, what my temps are, etc.. there's really no way to lie to yourself. It is what it is, and it really sucks. So, I'm not going to pretend to know the right thing to say to you, because I don't even know the right thing to say to myself. All that I can offer you is good thoughts. Know that there are women here feeling exactly what you are, often times at the exact moment that you are. You're not alone, and that is supposed to be slightly comforting (so I hear).

#4 July 26th, 2007, 12:44 PM

temps are still way above cover line so try to stay hopeful and positive hun.

MountainMomma · #5 July 26th, 2007, 01:06 PM

It's not over yet. Don't give up yet!

Mommytobe92 · #6 July 26th, 2007, 01:44 PM

Thank you, girls! Just needed someone to talk to. I can't talk about TTC with DH because he would get more depressed than me. He's not depressed because I am not able to give him children but he gets depressed seeing me get sad/confused like that. He keeps saying "you have to relax, be happy and the baby will come eventually". I've been relaxing and waiting patiently for 5 years. All the neighbours kids have grown up, I remember the last time I saw them, their mothers' were still preggers. I'm still waiting for my turn. It will come, ya? It will.

Jeb-O · #7 July 26th, 2007, 02:21 PM

Don't be discouraged. There is still hope and we're all here for you to vent, rant, chat... whatever mood you're in!

chen75 · #8 July 26th, 2007, 04:09 PM

your temps are still above the coverline, so still okay. Don't lose hope too soon. Do you have any symptoms?

Mommytobe92 · #9 July 26th, 2007, 04:58 PM

Hi Chen, I dunno if I hv pg symptoms or not cause I've never been there. Today I was moody

, hv a bit of lower back pain, no sore BB, sticky yellowish CM, felt like AF showing but I don't know, they say pg symptoms are like AF. But I don't hv sore BB, my boobs are drooopy actually.

The only time BB were nice and rounded was when I got my daily progesteron injections during my IVF cycle. The injections were painful but hey, boobs were looking good. I've never had sore or tender BB before, I think my progesteron level is low and it is difficult to carry a baby with low progesteron. Even while I was on progesteron suppositories, it didn't make my BB tender/sore. Maybe I should look into progesteron cream instead. Has anyone tried it?