I'm being punished

Mommytobe92 · #1 August 23rd, 2007, 10:33 AM

Well AF came this afternoon at around 12 pm. So, no BFP this month.

I think I'm being punished and I have to suffer the consequences for all the wrong doings that I've done in the past. I am sorry God! Please forgive me. And I also believe in Karma, maybe my DH and I just have bad karma. /sigh

I'm Sorry for venting. I feel so hopeless. I don't know how much time I've got left to TTC and I don't know what I should do now (adoption? surrogacy? continue acupuncture? when to go back for FET? or go to China and get a baby from the black market? I don't know!!!)

I'm so lost, my heart just sank and I felt dizzy when I saw my period.
My hands shook so badly I almost dropped the pot of herbs that I was brewing. ///cry

#2 August 23rd, 2007, 10:37 AM

I am sure your karma is fine hun, your a great person. You havent done anything to have bad karma. Have you thought about maybe getting adoption going or even getting a surragent going?

lucidity03 · #3 August 23rd, 2007, 10:47 AM

I'm sorry.

Mommytobe92 · #4 August 23rd, 2007, 10:57 AM

Hi Magan, thanks for your reply.

I tried calling DH twice and he didn't pick up the phone. He must be really busy at work today.

So I talked to my MIL and told her about this month's non-pregnancy again. My MIL is supportive of our TTC and she knows how much infertility hurts. Although she doesn't show it, I know she cares for my DH and me. So, we talked for 10 mins and we came up with some decisions. I'll call the fertility clinic and tell them that I need another 2 more months for my TCM treatments.

If I'm not pregnant by then, I'll go back for my FET. I dont' really want to do a FET, I was really hoping for a naturally conceived baby. But if my last resort fails, then I'll have to do FET and if that fails, then surrogacy and if that fails, then adoption from China. So, by then I'll be 40 years old or older

.

May God forgive me for all the wrongs that I've done.
Thank you.

#5 August 23rd, 2007, 11:01 AM

As long as you got to talk to someone and also have a plan hun. Keep your head high dont loose hope or faith.

lucidity03 · #6 August 23rd, 2007, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Hi Magan, thanks for your reply.

I tried calling DH twice and he didn't pick up the phone. He must be really busy at work today.

So I talked to my MIL and told her about this month's non-pregnancy again. My MIL is supportive of our TTC and she knows how much infertility hurts. Although she doesn't show it, I know she cares for my DH and me. So, we talked for 10 mins and we came up with some decisions. I'll call the fertility clinic and tell them that I need another 2 more months for my TCM treatments.

If I'm not pregnant by then, I'll go back for my FET. I dont' really want to do a FET, I was really hoping for a naturally conceived baby. But if my last resort fails, then I'll have to do FET and if that fails, then surrogacy and if that fails, then adoption from China. So, by then I'll be 40 years old or older

.

May God forgive me for all the wrongs that I've done.
Thank you.[/b]

I don't think you're being punished. I think that sometimes people are put through tests and I don't know why. But, don't lose hope... as you discussed with your MIL, there are options. Take it one step at a time.

I hope things smooth out.

calcan · #7 August 23rd, 2007, 03:29 PM

Aw, Elaine, I think you're being awfully hard on yourself. God doesn't withhold babies from people as punishment, if he did, there wouldn't be a single pregnant woman on this site or anywhere, cause we're all screwed up just by nature of our being human.

I can't tell you you will without a doubt conceive and have a baby, but you can definitely keep trying to conceive naturally while at the same time maybe starting down some alternative roads.

I don't know how hard it is to adopt in Canada, but you could start doing some legwork. Look what just happened with that gal who just posted in OM forum~monkheister?~ and now she has a beautiful little boy.

I'm sorry AF showed~ I know how hard it is to see that month after month and not get discouraged and upset~ but please keep trying and we are all here for you. ((BIG HUGS))

Mommytobe92 · #8 August 23rd, 2007, 03:33 PM

Thanks for your kind words, Lucidity.

~~ I think I was a bit desperate this afternoon! Did I talk with my MIL about me being not being pregnant again this month?!? Urgh ///slapping own forehead///

.

Maybe she was the only person who was available at the time

I had a talk with DH and he is sooo supportive, I feel blessed. I'll have a cup of coffee tonight at Starbucks or Second Cup (need to treat myself to something nice). Then, to the drug store for some more tampons and more HPTs!!!

Thanks for reading, girls.

~Jess~ · #9 August 23rd, 2007, 05:56 PM

I just wanted to send you some (((HUGS))). I cannot even fathom the pain you must be in.

LadyLora · #10 August 23rd, 2007, 08:09 PM

I'm so sorry that you feel so bad and I wish I could take the pain away from you and give you all the happiness in the world. In one of my posts' you offered me hugs for my 2 pregnancy losses, I really appreciated that. A bad person would not have offered me hugs the way you did. I am praying that you will find the answers to your own prayers and you can live your life in peace and be happy. We care about you here.

nikas_mommy · #11 August 23rd, 2007, 09:00 PM

There are moments I have felt the same way too.

MountainMomma · #12 August 24th, 2007, 04:45 AM

A lot of us..... and definitely anyone who's been trying for a long time has felt that way at some time. You are a great person though and I am sure you aren't being punished. It's so hard to be patient and to see it right now, but there is a reason for everything. God has the perfect baby for you in mind. Same with all of us. We just have to be patient until he can match us with that perfect baby, however that happens. Good luck with whatever you decided to do, and I hope you get your baby soon!!!