[orange_pekoe]

Hello! I loved reading everyone else's journals, it really helped me feel better today so I thought I'd share my own journey as well.

I've been married for one year to the love of my life, and this year we are finally financially stable enough to begin trying. I had a crazy, fool-proof plan when this started (before I did any research really!). The plan was to make love every other day for the whole month, and be pregnant by the beginning of June. There'd be NO WAY his sperm would miss my egg then! The egg would have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide! Haha~ Just thinking about it makes me giggle!

Anyway. We wanted to do this because my family is moving into town in June, and they'll be living with us for a few weeks before they find their own place. Needless to say, I wasn't comfortable with the idea of trying to conceive while my Mom is sleeping in the room next door, know what I mean?

Well, my fool-proof plan wasn't so fool-proof. First of all, we got tired out around halfway through the month, especially when I started to obsessively look for signs of pregnancy. I felt bloated and unsexy, being with my husband was far from my mind as I downed those prenatal vitamins and reluctantly gave up drinking coffee (*sob*). Every little change, mood swing, craving, and trip to the bathroom would end with me sauntering up to my husband with doe-eyes, and say: "I feel like eating bread and olives. I hope it's because I'm preggies!" "I feel so sleepy today, I wonder if it's because I'm preggies?" "I feel really gassy today. Maybe I'm preggies." It became something of a running joke!

I took a pregnancy test about four days before my expected period, I was too impatient! It came up negative, of course. I thought to myself: "there's still hope! In that book (you know which one I'm talking about!) it said that a negative result is less accurate than a positive one, and the best pregnancy test is a woman's intuition!"

Well, today I got my period, which really sucks because I suffer from dismonorrhea (really, really, really painful periods) which I can usually avoid if I take advil. But seeing as you're not supposed to take it when you're pregnant, I didn't want to take my chances.

So here I am in bed after a terrible bout of puking in the bathroom, gut-wrenching cramps, and finger-numbing hyperventilation (I like to call it "labor training"), I am resigned to admit that maybe I'm not pregnant this month after all. I will save my second pregnancy test for next month, and looks like it's back in the saddle for me and my good ol' hubby. Can't say I'm crushed or sad, more like disappointed, but still optimistic. They don't call it life's greatest miracle for nothing!

Better luck next month, Princess Utey! That's... what I call my uterus, because she's like a spoiled princess that demands attention every month. Am I the only one that gave my uterus a pet name?

p.s. The worse part of finding out I'm not pregnant... I could've been drinking coffee this month! Not to mention all those fake symptoms turning out to be nothing more than a result of me realizing that I have a bladder the size of a pea, and my boobs were swollen not because of hormones, but because of the extra pounds put on from my "cravings". This has been a learning process, indeed.

[orange_pekoe]

le sigh...

Another month, another failure. My dear friend AF returned right on schedule.

Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on this. Maybe just letting the "fates" decide and relaxing about the whole thing is a better idea.

From now on I'm just going to work on my projects and enjoy the time I have with my husband. If I have a baby, it can be a pleasant surprise. If I don't it will be okay too.

[orange_pekoe]

Now that AF has passed, I'm not feeling so defeatist. Ready to try again! Went to the market to refresh my PT supplies. WE CAN DO THIS!! HRRRGGGH!!! << my face of determination <<

[ﾟ･✿Crystal✿･ﾟ]

Good luck!

[orange_pekoe]

Thanks, momtosavannah! Good luck to you, too!

Well, i'm at 8DPO and thought I'd update. Been feeling very tired past couple days, and there's a tightness in my belly that gives me dreams of a +, but it's really too early to tell.

Probably the most helpful thing that has given me patience to wait before testing is my mom. She moved in with me recently from out of state, so I asked her what her symptoms were like for me and my brother. This is what she told me:

"With your brother, I had no symptoms. I didn't even know until three months had passed, and went to the doctor. Your brother was easy! With you, though, oh boy! I got soooo sick! I threw up every morning! You were terrible!"

Since my Mom and I share the same problem with painful AF, I figure we probably will share similar symptoms. Meaning it's likely that I'll have absolutely no sign of pregnancy. Sigh. Sometimes you just gotta give things some time! It doesn't mean that I'm not still hoping every night though... even if it does mean I'll have to throw up every morning.

[orange_pekoe]

Tested today. 2 days until AF shows up.

[orange_pekoe]

confession: I threw my patience out the window and tested again. BFN.

Five hours later, AF showed up right on time. This month = FAIL.

[orange_pekoe]

Hmm.. some strange developments have occurred since my last entry to this journal. (TMI to follow)

Almost as soon as I posted, AF simply... VANISHED.

My bbs have swollen, and they feel like they're about to detach and float away. Every once in a while, there would be some slight pink or brown (like maybe once in the whole day), but by now AF should be in full force, and I should be in bed with an upset stomach and mind numbing cramps.

I have that bloated, crampy feeling like AF is already happening... but there's nothing. NOTHING.

To experiment, my husband I even BD'd last night. Surely that would cause me to start AF and open the flood gates but... NOTHING. Absolutely nothing!!

I'm almost afraid to test again, so I'll just wait for one more day. If AF is not here by end of day tomorrow, I'll use the last test in my box to see what's going on...

[orange_pekoe]

So AF is now officially two days late. There is nothing down there but clear skies. The cramps come and go, but they've gotten so mild that it feels like any other day. My bbs still are sore and swollen, though. Tomorrow morning I test. I'm afraid, though. What if I get another BFN? It'll be 16 DPO at that point. I'm also scared... what if it's BFP? I hope I'll end up being a good mother for this baby, if s/he's in there... I guess I'll see tomorrow.

[orange_pekoe]

It is tomorrow, and after talking with DH, we decided to wait just ONE more day... just in cases. The wait is killing me! :x

[orange_pekoe]

As I said in the Am I Pregnant forums, I tested early this morning for another disappointing .

I'm learning that I have no idea how to read my body, I'm way to anxious, and my husband thinks I'm overexcited. It's definitely true. Is my excitement to be a mother what's causing these "phantom symptoms"? If so, where is AF? I've been spotting randomly for the past six days, from pink to brown to nothing, with no sign of it ever increasing in flow. It's like a car that can't start anymore!

I dunno. If I'm really not pregnant, then TTC can surely mess up a cycle like no one's business. I'm just so used to AF being so predictable like clockwork...

[ﾟ･✿Crystal✿･ﾟ]

How are you charting, to not know your body..? Is AF still late?? Sometimes tests just dont work for people.maybe your that person.

[orange_pekoe]

Gosh I dunno... if I'm immune to tests then that makes the wait even more excruciating! 4, 5 week wait, maybe? If I get any news on AF or a miraculous BFP I'll keep this updated. Thanks for the suggestion!

[kp911]

Gosh I dunno... if I'm immune to tests then that makes the wait even more excruciating! 4, 5 week wait, maybe? If I get any news on AF or a miraculous BFP I'll keep this updated. Thanks for the suggestion![/b]

I have heard of people getting bfn until at least 18dpo then they are shocked to get a bfp so late, hopefully this will be you.
We have similar dates though i know that AF showed up on 16th July and didnt stop for 6 days.Will be trying again, hope you dont have to. If i was in your position i would be clinging to that bit of hope you have.

Good Luck

[orange_pekoe]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, kp911.

Unfortunately, after 6 days straight of on and off spotting, the ol' car finally turned on and AF arrived in full force with a big grin on her face:


Feeling dizzy and in a lot of pain, but nothing that AF hasn't given me before. Looks like another month gone by with no luck. Maybe next time I won't test until AF is at least one week late.

[Mrs. B.]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, kp911.

Unfortunately, after 6 days straight of on and off spotting, the ol' car finally turned on and AF arrived in full force with a big grin on her face:


Feeling dizzy and in a lot of pain, but nothing that AF hasn't given me before. Looks like another month gone by with no luck. Maybe next time I won't test until AF is at least one week late.[/b]

I've been reading your journal - I'm happy to see that I'm not the only one constantly looking for preg symtpoms! I swear my husband thinks its "all in my head" and then I feel crazy! Its just hard to wait and just get the symptoms!!

[orange_pekoe]

So many questions - Yeah, waiting is the hardest part! Best of luck to you, hope you're more fertile than I'm turning out to be.

Well, this month is yet another bust. This was our fourth month trying, now. It was a very busy month, so I thought it would be enough to distract me and keep the stress low. We BD'd every other day for the whole month like clockwork, and nothing. AF came right on time.

At least I know I'm punctual. :/

I also resisted testing this month. My new policy is not to even test until two days after AF is late. AF came on time, so I was able to save a few bucks on more HPT.

[orange_pekoe]

I'm back!

So this month is what... month seven? I decided to get scientific (some of you are probably like: FINALLY?!). I bought two boxes of OPKs, and used up about one and a half of them. I was afraid that I was maybe ovulating early or something, since there've been times when I could've sworn we bd'd at the right time and like.. nothing. Anyway, I guess you never know.

As soon as that second line (I was using FR brand) started to darken, we hit the sack, and proceeded to bd every night for three nights. My poor DH was surely exhausted. My ovulation time seemed to have past, but I might try again tonight just in case, I guess.

We'll see what happens this month. I've already cut out caffeine and started taking prenatal vitamins. If this doesn't work, then next month I will use the rest of my OPKs AND chart.

Wish me luck. :x

[Jen84]

YESSSS!!!! OPK's are my new best friend too.

Good luck, girly!

[orange_pekoe]

Jen84 -- Thanks!! And best of luck to you and your hubby.

Yeah, I just loved using the OPK this month. It's reassuring to know that I'm at least ovulating at a fairly normal pace. I feel very lucky and grateful for that, reading the struggles of many posters here. I feel like I don't deserve to stress over all these phantom symptoms when there's women out there struggling just to ovulate at all.

Well... it's only 5DPO now, and I'm idly sitting on my thumbs. Hmm... I'd better get to work on my projects before I either get AF and am bedridden with cramps or I get preggers and puking all over the place. :x