[GinaS.]

OK, so here's my story. My name is Gina and I am 33 years old (soon to be 34 in a few weeks). I have been married to the most wonderful man (who is 42) in the world for a little over a year and we have been TTC for about a year now. At first I didn't really track anything, we just bd'd here and there. Then in June I got a BFP. I was so excited I just couldn't believe it, so I had to take another one....yep - BFP!! I was so happy and so nervous. Since it was so early, we didn't tell anyone yet, except for my BFF, because I just had to tell someone!! Then about five days later, when I was travelling alone on a plane back from a wedding in New Orleans, I started bleeding. I was so freaked out - #1 because I was bleeding and #2 because I was bleeding on plane by myself!! I couldn't stop shaking. Finally the plane landed and I ran to the bathroom. Yep, it was happening and I knew it. The cramps were horrible. Finally, I got home and took another HPT...BFN. Since then we have not had any luck. I've been tracking my cycles, which are completely screwy!! I range from 26 days to 31 days. For a while I wasn't sure if I was o'ing, since my OPK didn't seem to turn that dark (later I found out it was becuase I was not testing at the right time - I think). Finally, I went to the doctor, who put me on my first cycle of clomid (50mg) CD 5-9 and took blood work. Apparently, my progesterone levels are low too - it was at 4.5 two days before AF arrived. Well, after taking the clomid I starting testing for O using the OPKs again (this time starting from the day AF moved out). Around day 16 (Christmas Day) I got a VERY DARK line - OK, apparently my surge had started right? Well....the dark line stayed for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS. I made sure we were bd'ing the whole time, starting just about when AF left and almost every other day after that until about New Years Eve. You would think we hit the jackpot right?? Well, today, Jan. 4, I tested, and although still a bit early, I got a BFN. I will try again on Tuesday morning, Jan. 6, since that will be CD 28. That is also the day I go to the doctor's. So, maybe if my test doesn't show a positive, I am hoping his will since it is more sensitive. Hopefully AF will not show up.

Well, that's where I am at right now. Just WAITING!!!!! Hopefully my next entry will have good news!! In the meantime, I'll be rolling around in some baby dust! LOL!

[Banned-ms.crystal]

OK, so here's my story. My name is Gina and I am 33 years old (soon to be 34 in a few weeks). I have been married to the most wonderful man (who is 42) in the world for a little over a year and we have been TTC for about a year now. At first I didn't really track anything, we just bd'd here and there. Then in June I got a BFP. I was so excited I just couldn't believe it, so I had to take another one....yep - BFP!! I was so happy and so nervous. Since it was so early, we didn't tell anyone yet, except for my BFF, because I just had to tell someone!! Then about five days later, when I was travelling alone on a plane back from a wedding in New Orleans, I started bleeding. I was so freaked out - #1 because I was bleeding and #2 because I was bleeding on plane by myself!! I couldn't stop shaking. Finally the plane landed and I ran to the bathroom. Yep, it was happening and I knew it. The cramps were horrible. Finally, I got home and took another HPT...BFN. Since then we have not had any luck. I've been tracking my cycles, which are completely screwy!! I range from 26 days to 31 days. For a while I wasn't sure if I was o'ing, since my OPK didn't seem to turn that dark (later I found out it was becuase I was not testing at the right time - I think). Finally, I went to the doctor, who put me on my first cycle of clomid (50mg) CD 5-9 and took blood work. Apparently, my progesterone levels are low too - it was at 4.5 two days before AF arrived. Well, after taking the clomid I starting testing for O using the OPKs again (this time starting from the day AF moved out). Around day 16 (Christmas Day) I got a VERY DARK line - OK, apparently my surge had started right? Well....the dark line stayed for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS. I made sure we were bd'ing the whole time, starting just about when AF left and almost every other day after that until about New Years Eve. You would think we hit the jackpot right?? Well, today, Jan. 4, I tested, and although still a bit early, I got a BFN. I will try again on Tuesday morning, Jan. 6, since that will be CD 28. That is also the day I go to the doctor's. So, maybe if my test doesn't show a positive, I am hoping his will since it is more sensitive. Hopefully AF will not show up.

Well, that's where I am at right now. Just WAITING!!!!! Hopefully my next entry will have good news!! In the meantime, I'll be rolling around in some baby dust! LOL![/b]

awww good luck! lots of baby dust to you!

[/b]

[GinaS.]

OK, so I tested this morning - even though I really shouldn't test until tomorrow, but I am a POAS ADDICT!! It was a . I wasn't surprised. All day today I was pretty positive AF was going to show up. I had all the symptoms, very light cramping (maybe not actual cramps, but definitely something), light pain in my low back and I just felt like she was there, but everytime I checked, she wasn't. I guess she's playing a game of "ring and run" before she actually stays for a visit! LOL Well, since I am such a ridiculous addict, I tested again when I got home from work. You can ALMOST vaguely, and I mean ALMOST vaguely, see a slight EXTREMELY LIGHT line - but it may just be that I am going baby crazy and I am wishing to see it. I will test again in the morning to double check. My doctor's appointment is tomorrow, so hopefully AF doesn't show up. If so, I guess another round of clomid. Fingers and toes crossed that tomorrow morning I get my BFP!!!

[ProudArmyWife]

Lots of baby dust being sent! I hope this is your month! Let us know ASAP!!!!

[hopeful3853]

keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!

[GinaS.]

OK, so I woke up early this morning and laid in bed before testing - I just wanted to hold on to the hope that maybe I am preggers a little while longer - in case I'm not. Finally I tested and, of course, a . So I climbed back into bed and cuddled with dh until I absolutely had to get up for work.

I went for my doctor's appt. today too - they tested me there again and - wow, shocker- another ! I was feeling pretty low. After my exam I was expecting him to say "Better luck next month", but instead he said "Hopefully you won't get your period this month - retest in a few days if you don't get it". I was a little shocked. He said that since my cycles are so erratic (anywhere from 26 - 32 days) and it is only day 28, that it could still be possible. (I thought doctor's could see those things while they're up there rootin' around! The more research I did on that subject when I got home proved me wrong - apparently my cervix may not have changed yet since it would be so early still). So I will continue to spend too much money on sticks to pee on! LOL

I still have the very faint cramping again today and expect to see AF every time I got into the bathroom - but she's not there....it's really weird. I never have cramps until AF already starts. I was SO SURE she was going to make an entrance during my exam today - I would have just died! Luckily she didn't. I'm hoping she stays away for at least 9 months or so!!

[GinaS.]

CD 29...still no AF, but still BFN. Just to make sure I tested twice - once this morning and once after work - I have a real problem and I think I need help. I'm starting to wonder how much money I blew on sticks this month so far - must have tested....I don't know....6 or 8 times already. My DH would kill me if he knew how much I am spending to pee on sticks!! LOL. Anyway - I'm feeling a bit like a freak, just waiting for either AF to show (hopefully NOT) or a BFP to show (please, please, please!!). I thought AF showed today during work a few times, but each time I checked - nadda. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but at the same time not get my hopes up too high. I know when it's time it will happen and God has his plan, but couldn't I just glance at the itinerary a little? LOL.

[GinaS.]

CD 30...Woke up-took test . Went to work and then AF showed - I hate her. I was feeling really down and a bit broken. I really thought this was going to be the month. I actually thought about calling it quits for a while - this TTC stuff really messes with your head! But I can't stop trying, I want it too much. You know when you were little and people asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Everyone would say doctor, nurse, teacher - but I would always say a wife and a mother. So, I guess I can't give up. I think I feel the need to be a mother so badly partly because my mother was so spectacular. She was great, supportive and always very comforting - the way a mother should be (despite the fact that my dad was a raging alcoholic who abused her). If I could be half the mother my mom was I would still be good! She has alzheimers, doesn't talk and doesn't recognize anyone - she's bed bound. She's been that way for almost 10 years now. It's really sad. I miss her everyday. It hurts to know that one day, when I do finally have kids, they will never get to know what a wonderful mom she was and what a wonderful grandmother she would have been to them. I wish she would have seen me get married and have walked me down the aisle. I wish my husband had a chance to know her - she would have loved him. I truly miss her.

OK, that was sad. I knew I couldn't talk about it without crying, but I thought I could at least TYPE about it! %#!* AF and hormones - I'm a mess.

Moving on....I called the doctor today and told him about AF showing her nasty little face (OK, a little off topic, but I find it funny everytime I write AF because I actually have an Aunt Flo!) anyway, he is putting me on my second cycle of clomid, 50 mg, this month, days 5-9. I think I may start temping too. I have to buy one of those temping thermometers, so I guess I will get one tomorrow when I pick up my script and yet another OPK. I can't believe I went through so many HPT's this past week!! Holy crap I spent alot of money on them!!! dummy! LOL

In the meantime, I'm going to try to shed some extra weight - God knows I need to and it can't hurt, and roll around in some baby dust! LOL

[GinaS.]

Bought basal thermometer today and joined fertilityfriend.com to figure out how to temp the right way - there's much more to this baby making then originally thought! LOL I should have started temping months and months ago - better late then never!

[hopeful3853]

tell me about it! i'm starting to really realize how small the window really is to be a success!

[GinaS.]

AAHHH, the sign of a true POAS addict.....

OK, so since I am a POAS addict, I went ahead and bought about a gazillion IC tests - ovulation and pregnancy. They were delivered today. For $60 I got 20 O tests and 15 prego tests. Honestly, that's about what I would have spent on one O test (20 pack) and about 2 preggo tests, not to mention I would have bought about 5 more boxes of prego tests after I used the first box - I do it every month - don't judge me - I have a real problem!! LOL OK, so since I am such an addict, I had to pee on one today - just to see how it worked, of course - even though I am only on CD5 (that is a sign of a true addict). Anyway, I guess I am just used to the name brand -but these are a little weird. The background stays kinda pink and even the reference line is not that dark - so I can't imagine what the test lines will look like.

Also, since I kept hearing such good things about pre-seed, I ordered that too. Hell, while I was at it, I also bought (not ordered on line - I draw the line somewhere) non-name brand Robitussin. I figured since I am on clomid, it can't hurt, right? Now that I think about it, I think the pre-seed probably would have been fine, but why not hit it from every angle right? LOL - I sound ridiculous!!!

Today was an "off" day for me - trying to cut out coffee (caffeine completely) and seriously kick the habit of smoking (I would usually sneak a few here and there), but I'm trying to do EVERYTHING possible to make this work. I think the lack of caffeine was making me a bit loopy this afternoon - I felt like I was in a fog. Maybe tomorrow will be better....hopefully....

[GinaS.]

OK, well, there's a lot more to tracking fertility then I thought. It's a real pain in the butt to temp at the same time every morning! I set the alarm for 5:00 to temp, figuring I will then get out of bed and get on the treadmill after temping- hahahahaha - who am I kidding? I temp and roll over and go back to sleep! Actually, I'm fine with temping, but it's deciding what to note your CM at that's confusing me. Sticky? Creamy? What if it's kinda both? (sorry if TMI). Of course I'll stick with it though - I wish I had started fertilityfriend.com sooner. The only thing I'm NOT doing is checking the position of my cervix - that just doesn't seem right! I can't quite figure out how exactly to do it anyway - so for now I'll just temp and check CM - and pee on OPK's - because I have to pee on something! I'm on my second day of my second cycle of clomid, so I have to start my OPKs Saturday - the day after my last pill. I really hope this is the month!!!!! It would make the PERFECT b-day gift for myself!!!!!

[GinaS.]

CD8...Starting testing with the OPK's yesterday. Both days were negative. I still have tonight and tomorrow to take clomid, and I know I wouldn't O this early, but I prefer to cover all bases. Besides, I have that huge pack of IC tests I bought jut staring at me - I might as well pee on them - oh, they are daring me to anyway! LOL I am still having trouble figuring out how to label my CM. I'm hoping that in a couple of days my CM will change and then I'll have a better idea on how to label it.

Just to be safe, I think me & dh will bd every night for the next week or so - I just so want it to happen this month!!!

[GinaS.]

CD10...I am CONFUSED!! I tested yesterday and there was a very faint line, so I know I was not O'ing. Today I tested and the lines were pretty much the same. HOWEVER, these are the new IC tests that I bought and the control line is not that dark to begin with, so I am starting to wonder just how accurate these tests are. I think I will test again in a few hours with my regular First Response OPKs just to make sure. CD10 just seems way to early to be O'ing.

Another weird thing is that my CM was somewhat watery today. It was a little creamy, but definately a bit watery. How the heck do I enter that on FertilityFriend??

Again - just to cover all bases, me & dh will bd at least once every day for a week or so, just to make sure we don't miss it!

[GinaS.]

CD11...I tested again with my OPK's and, again, an extremely faint line. Soooo, I am still confused about yesterdays test that looked pretty positive (although I did wind up retesting with a First Response and that one was negative) I guess I will just take it as a negative too, because I am pretty sure if it was positive, it should have been positive again today. Last month, because of the clomid, I got positives for five days - so I'll just leave it as a negative.

Well, I have been getting up at 5:00a.m. to temp and then getting right out of bed and working out. I did it all this past week - I'm going to try to make it a habit. Not working out too hard - just in case I do get preggers - but doing about 1 - 2 miles on the treadmill and then some arm and leg stuff with light weights. I figure it this way....it's easier to get preggers if I don't have extra weight on me - AND, in the off chance that I find out there is no way I can ever get pregnant (which will not be the case - I am sure of that), at least I can be hot. LMAO

We have been BD'ing the past few nights. I think tonight we will try the Pre-seed that I ordered. Can't hurt right?

And I'll continue to roll in baby dust and hope some sticks!!!

[GinaS.]

CD13....Again OPKs have been negative. I know last month I didn't get a positive until CD16 - so I'm trying not to freak yet, but my CM is watery.....weird. We tried the Pre-Seed last night - I guess it was OK. I'll use it if/when I have to, but otherwise, I think we will try not to use anything. At this point, I'm afraid of almost everything! I'm afraid we're going to do something wrong and it will be another wasted month....The not drinking coffee thing didn't work so well - I still have my 1 cup in the morning - just an 8 oz. cup....does that matter? Some sites say it does, some say it doesn't. I don't know!!!!! I am so confused about what's right and what's wrong to do when you're trying! I just want to be pregnant so bad! AAAHHHH!

[Banned-ms.crystal]

awww.... everything will be OK. I'm on CD 26 and i'm still having watery/creamy CM. Do you think that's normal??? I've never had that. I refuse to test until AF is late or if she comes. I want to just be pregnant too. I have no symptoms, so I really feel like i'm out for this month even tho my temps are still way high. Good luck to you!

[GinaS.]

Thanks hoping. Good luck to you too!! From what I have heard here and there, I think the CM is a good thing, right? And if your temp is still high, that's a good sign too!! I hope you get your BFP this month!

[GinaS.]

CD15...Finally got that darn line to turn dark on my OPK!!! And a smiley face!!! (You couldn't possibly think I was just going to use ONE test, right?) LOL
The top one definitely does NOT look positive, however, it is an old First Response OPK from a 20 pack from last month - I guess they really do mean "only good for 30 days"! The seond one is a ClearBlue Easy - most definitely a smiley face! And the third one is one of the IC's I was doubting - most definitely positive. I guess I won't doubt them again!



Yeah!! As soon as DH gets home - it's on!!!

Hopefully I'm not as broken as I thought and this will be the month!! For some reason, I think I may be OK with the 2WW this time. I was sweatin' it out thinking I wasn't going to O!

[hopeful3853]

yay! i'm so happy for you! happy BDing!