Journey to Motherhood

*babylove* · #1 January 15th, 2009, 09:03 AM

Well, many of you may already know that I am the most talkative thing.... EVER!!!

So, Its the hip thing to have a journal and spill your heart and soul for others to read. Usually I am a leader, but in this case I shall follow. I know you have been waiting on the edge of your seat to know about my ttc endeavors.

I have to say I don't blame you I make Britney spears look boring ( sorry brit I know that was a low blow).

Well, here is my fascinating journey.

In April 2005 I got married I wanted to start right away with trying for that baby.. My Dh had other plans.. He thought we should wait a while so we don't look like it was an OOPS! I said well then I guess I will have an opps myself and not let you up when you cum.. He started laughing you weight a 100 pounds soaking wet I can lift you with my pinky. I said " fine I can just put on weight and set on you until I am pregnant.!

for me for be so funny.

we ended up having a serious conversation that we would start the following January in 2006.. Well his birthday came then the fourth of July, and the days just creep so very sloooooooooowwwwwww.. The out of no where it was cold and snowing.. Yesss only two months to go.. It was just at Halloween.. I thought it would be funny to dress up like a pregnant woman.. They can be scary.. Hormones and the cravings.

FINALLY, Christmas is over And I am old at 22! we just play around and make it fun.. well after about 6 months the what in the world is wrong kicks in. I start analyzing everything about my body.. Two more moths slip on by and nada. Finally, I head into the doctors and unload on him.. I get put on period medicine. Nothing happens. Blah blah blah blah... my stress levels are sky rocketing..

Fast forward to about a year and a half still no happy ending... In the way I want it to be.

I have a melt down and quit caring. I had know 26 girls to get pg in that time.

So last January a light bulb finally goes off.... Hello get your dh checked out... Low and behold he has Zero sperm... We were devastated

He went in for a few more S/A and the count kept changing. He finally went to a MIF doctor and found out he has what is call a Varicocele which is a blocked vain. So he can't produce right. He had the surgery a year ago this month.. His sperm is white and working..

I am still waiting on my happy ending...

hopeful3853 · #2 January 16th, 2009, 11:02 PM

i hope this month is your month! i can't believe the journey you two have been on!!

*babylove* · #3 January 24th, 2009, 09:23 AM

so to be honest I thought I had found my lucky pot of gold this month. Well af showed her face this morning. So I get to deal her loveliness while I am packing and moving. At least I will get to hang around here for some more time. I think I am going to ease up on the trying bit and relax and let the house ease my ttc stress.

Carrie I just wanted to send you a special thanks for being there for me outside this site. You have brought peace to my mind.

I have learned a lot about myself through this long journey. Life does not work on my time. I have learned more patience than
I ever thought I would see. I am now slowing down my in a hurry life to spend time with my dreams and passions. The love I
have for my husband has grown so much in this time. We are stronger than I ever knew we were.

*babylove* · #4 January 26th, 2009, 09:03 AM

well, it has been a while since I have been on here. Like I said I have been so busy with then move and my new job. I like my new job, but standing on my feet for some reason makes my lower back hurt so much. I wonder why it is that. It will tighten up and shoot out pain. So the house is going to be nice. we are so lucky that our first house is this nice. I will have to post pictures.

in other news I am going to start training again with my dad. He is a ex Marine and he has been showing me for years how to protect myself from someone. I am so excited to pick it up again. Have you seen the movie enough that is kinda what its like. I think it will help me figure things out. I am starting to feel a bit over whelmed with ttcing.

*babylove* · #5 January 28th, 2009, 07:30 AM

Well good morning cycle 37. Af is over and tomorrow I begin temping. Sometimes I do wonder if its really worth it. I think I need
to step back and cleanse my mind form this stress. A long over due vacation is recommended, wouldn't you agree? Really I could see myself on the beach laying under the sun and the waves crashing over my feet. My 4 year anniversary is coming up and I really want to surprise my Dh with a trip. Only for the weekend. His birthday is in jun maybe I could surprised him with a cruise. His brother lives in LA so I was thinking maybe we could visit him and stay there. who knows..

Its cold and icy with lots of snow here. I am ready for summer!

*babylove* · #6 January 29th, 2009, 08:58 AM

So this journal is more of a way for me to just speak about how I feel. I have been down in the dumps lately and decided that is not the way I want to be. I woke up this morning to see the love of my life still laying there. I am moving into a new house, I have a great job, I am loved.
I have decided that I want to be a sunny person not a sad cloud.

Life is just to short to worry and be sad. I am going to make my life matter. I am going to do something BIG. I have not found what it is yet, but I will. I found helping other is what this world truly worth living. showing someone kindness, compassion, and love with understand.

Wallflower · #7 January 30th, 2009, 01:31 PM

Thanks for the comment on my journal!

Hope you get a BFP this month!

:biggrin:

*babylove* · #8 February 18th, 2009, 09:57 AM

so it has been a while since I stopped by here. I have been through so much. I moved into my new house. Hurt my back and got sick. So I am finally doing better. We didn't really get the chance to bd since of my back. the funny things is we did bd once on what could have been and O day.. so Maybe???

<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<> · #9 February 18th, 2009, 10:45 PM

I AM SO GLAD TO FINALLY SEE YOU BACK!!! I HOPE YOUR BACK GETS BETTER.

*babylove* · #10 February 25th, 2009, 08:58 AM

well my computer crashed. I am so gald my got a laptop for my vday gift. I love it. So I didn't get ttc this month because I hurt my back. I am not ttcing this month because i don't want a baby born in december.

#11 February 25th, 2009, 09:14 AM

I hope that you get your BFP very soon..sending lots of baby dust your way.

*babylove* · #12 February 26th, 2009, 05:12 PM

I am starting cycle 38. I hope it comes soon!

*babylove* · #13 February 27th, 2009, 08:58 PM

well, I have been thinking a lot lately about motherhood and such. It is kind of hard not too. Everywhere I turn it screams baby. It has been nice weather outside so there is kids at the park and it makes me crave motherhood even more. I never thought I would ever be in this situation wanting kids this bad. In high school i always thought my job would be my baby. I want to be a journalist and fly around the world. I wanted a fast free and fun life. Now here 10 years later that is the farthest thing from my mind. Its crazy how life can turn in a heartbeat.
I don't want to try this month because I don't want a baby born in december, but my dh is set on trying still. He says if it is our time this month then we are taking the chance on having a december baby. I grow up having a christmas birthday and I always got lost in the hussle and bussle of the holidays. anyways that is whats been on my mind.

nikki1010 · #14 March 1st, 2009, 03:00 AM

Just stopping by to see what is new....and what an intresting journey you have been on! I am hoping for a BFP

for you soon!!
I also wanted to say that I am the SAME way with January.....when we decided to try for our first my primary thought was "lets just do this thing!" and our kiddo was born in January.....along with almost everyother family member I have!! She just gets swept under the rug and mixed in with everyone else....so this time I DONT want A JANUAURY BABY!

but hubby is the same way as yours! only time will tell i guess!!

and

*babylove* · #15 March 3rd, 2009, 08:45 AM

i figure that is what is going to happen. I will get pg this month and have a decmember babt. My dh says hey its your baby when you see a positive test you won't truely care what month its in. In the long run he is 100 % right.

*babylove* · #16 April 1st, 2009, 12:16 AM

well, its been a while since I have posted anything. I do think a lot about ttcing as much as the next girl, but I was begining to let it take over. I thought I should take a step back and find my balance. I am taking a new road to ttc. My dh is taking over this cycle. He laughs and say's it will be funny if this is the month we hit the jock pot.

If not this month then next month then its going back to me. I have gotten preseed. I am going to try it Annas way.. I hope it works.

*babylove* · #17 April 7th, 2009, 08:26 AM

so, I have been so bad at this journal thing. I know i should write more, but I spend most of the time writing in the forum...

So a lot of you think this is my month. I am so giddy with excitement. I was numb for a while because it felt like it was never going to happen. I was going throw the motions without having my heart into it. Luckily, my girls have come to the rescue. I thank you.

I have been having these odd twinges. so we will see if cycle 39 is the magic number!