[Cheryl_W]

Hi and welcome to my TTC journal. I'm so excited right now, I can hardly wait. First, a little about us I suppose...

We've been together for just over a year, but we knew very early that things were meant to be. We've been talking/planning marriage for about 6 months now, and just purchased our wedding bands. We've decided to keep things simple, so once DF gets the engagement ring, he will ask my Dad, then we'll be married by a justice of the peace, probably in a park or a public facility.

On February 6th, we'd been talking about starting a family but didn't think we were quite ready yet, so I had an IUD (Flexi-T, the Canadian equivalent of a Paraguard) inserted by my OB/GYN. The first week was miserable with cramps and spotting, the second week was great with the IUD, but unfortunately I was sick with the flu... Then my strings disappeared, so I needed an ultrasound. Then AF was late, and after 3 BFNs and a week of waiting, AF finally showed with miserable cramps, worse than I'd ever had. And after two weeks of PMS (which is NOT like me), I'd had enough, and so had he...

But when I had my US, we started talking seriously about TTC. DF actually even admitted to me that he kind of wished the IUD had been expelled, and that I would get a BFP at the end of the month. When we both realized that our little "scare" was actually something we both wanted, we decided that at my 6 week checkup with my OB/GYN (Mar. 20) that I would have it removed.

The plan is not to actively chart, not get too caught up in TTC and numbers and statistics... We both know it is more likely to happen if we just let it happen naturally anyhow, so we're just going to stop using BC and enjoy the practice!

One of the main reasons I want to keep this journal is to show our future child one day. To show them how much we wanted them, how much we were looking forward to bringing them into the world, and how in love we are now.

Anyhow, I've rambled enough for now... I suppose the "stats" of the day are appropriate.

AF day 5, hopefully will be over soon.
Oed last cycle at approx. day 17 (can't remember exactly, going by EWCM), AF 14 days later.
If this cycle is the same, O will occur approx. Mar 22nd (after IUD removed, so chance of Baby!!) and AF or BFP on April 5th!

That is the extent of what I'm tracking... No temps, no ov. kits, just trying to BD around O, then wait! Of course there will be plenty of practice before then, we're not married yet.

Baby dust to all, and heres hoping for a BFP by April 5! (I just know it will be a girl if I conceive this cycle... For some reason I can't shake that now is the time! Of course we'll be happy with anything, but a granddaughter for our parents would be something really special in a family full of boys )

- Cheryl W.

[RubyRed03]

Hi Cheryl!

Sounds like we are similar in the fashion that we aren't really "trying" all that hard. Sort of doing it the old fashion way by no kits and no charting, not that there is anything wrong with that! I think that it will keep us relaxed and hopefully we won't stress out too much!

Good luck to you!

[Cheryl_W]

Been avoiding posting for a couple of days, had a bit of a "step backwards" in TTC... I was probably just being emotional, but DF started going back to the way he was talking before we decided to start TTC - questioning whether we should be having a baby. At least, thats the way I took it...

But after a cry, and some hugs and kisses, he nicely explained that he hadn't changed his mind he was just expressing his feelings and concerns, and that I just shouldn't listen to him anymore LOL

Gave the cat and the dog a bath yesterday (they were filthy, it was a necessary evil...) and all I could think about when they were in the tub is how nice it will be to do that with our son or daughter.

It is day 8 of AF, and it is pretty much gone (yay!). My big appointment with the OB/GYN is a week tomorrow, so I'm going to have the IUD out. According to the calculator on the FirstResponse site I'm going to ovulate right around that time, and it IS a weekend - so lots of practice around then I suppose!

Baby dust to all!

- Cheryl W.

[RubyRed03]

My husband just doesn't ever want to talk about having kids. He is very awkward around kids in general, but I know that he is excited about the idea of being a father. He was an only child and was never around kids until my nephew was born. I want to have a baby and he doesn't admit that he does. I think that he feels that if he doesn't talk about wanting to be a daddy the he wont be disappointed if it doesn't happen soon. But he can't fool me! hahaha I know the truth. I told him that I was ready and it was up to him to decide when he was ready. I told him that he didn't have to tell me if he was, he would just have to do his thing when he was ready! hahaha..... Needless to say he did his thing like a week later.

He is so funny like that. Reading about your man and his second guessing things just reminds me of my man! At least he talks about things with you! haha consider your self lucky there!

I totally know what you mean about bathing the animals. My cat is crazy and I only gave her baths when she was a baby, however my three dogs are so disgusting and they get a bath like every week. I swear they go outside and find the nastiest things to roll around in! SICK!

One more week and you get the IUD out! How exciting!

[RubyRed03]

My husband just doesn't ever want to talk about having kids. He is very awkward around kids in general, but I know that he is excited about the idea of being a father. He was an only child and was never around kids until my nephew was born. I want to have a baby and he doesn't admit that he does. I think that he feels that if he doesn't talk about wanting to be a daddy the he wont be disappointed if it doesn't happen soon. But he can't fool me! hahaha I know the truth. I told him that I was ready and it was up to him to decide when he was ready. I told him that he didn't have to tell me if he was, he would just have to do his thing when he was ready! hahaha..... Needless to say he did his thing like a week later.

He is so funny like that. Reading about your man and his second guessing things just reminds me of my man! At least he talks about things with you! haha consider your self lucky there!

I totally know what you mean about bathing the animals. My cat is crazy and I only gave her baths when she was a baby, however my three dogs are so disgusting and they get a bath like every week. I swear they go outside and find the nastiest things to roll around in! SICK!

One more week and you get the IUD out! How exciting!

[Cheryl_W]

I'm very excited about getting my IUD out, especially the timing since I'm supposed to O right around then and fertility is regained instantly!

Very glad to see AF leave, too. This month was horrible with the IUD, when I would get a bad cramp it was almost like I could feel it poking my uterus! Ugh...

I am very grateful to have a DF as open and honest as Darren. I know he wants to be a father because in his previous relationship, he had two step-children. Since he's been with me, he has expressed how much he misses being "Dad". At first, I did take it personally, thinking that I can't give him the ready-made family etc. like he got from his ex. But now, I see how excited he is about having children of his own, and I feel thankful that I can give him that.

It's actually quite cute, every once in awhile he'll see something and tell me to "hurry up and get pregnant!" Of course it is in a joking, loving way... Last time, it was the new Black Diamond Cheese animal shapes. He told me to hurry up and get pregnant so he can have his fun finger foods back! I told him we can have cheese animals in the house without having babies, and he said it just isn't the same LOL

I really do love him, so much. When I went through the US to find my IUD, the only thing that kept me from freaking out and crying (I have always been a very easily stressed person) was knowing that he was there in spirit with me, and I got through it with a smile.

I know that when the BFP comes along, it will be the happiest day of our lives - until the baby is born, of course!

I think the best part about everything I've read about TTC and pregnancy and all of the choices we've made so far is the newfound awareness I have of my body. Knowing what is going on "down there" makes me feel lucky, there are so many women who see AF and pregnancy almost like an illness that needs medical intervention. I'm not religious, but I do believe that my body knows what it is doing and that the universe will bring our first miracle into our lives when the timing is right, we just have to be receptive (i.e. no contraception) and do our part with the BDing!!

Yet another reason I'm happy AF is gone... No BDing in like 2 weeks, between all of the appts and stress and overtime at his work, and then AF lasting 8 days. Happy that the weekend is coming, AF is gone... Lots of BD practice this weekend I hope! LOL

I'm glad you want to be my TTC buddy Its always nice to have an impartial person to talk to. It will be nice to talk about my hopeful BFP before taking the HPT, without getting DF all excited! LOL

- Cheryl W.

[RubyRed03]

ahhh I didn't mean to post twice in your journal! Sorry!!

My computer went all crazy when I tried to post and I kept hitting the back button so maybe that is way it double posted!

[Cheryl_W]

Ah no worries

[Cheryl_W]

AF came back not major, but enough to need Tampax. 8 days with my visitor, I've never had it last this long before! I want the IUD GONE!

[RubyRed03]

How annoying! I am sorry But just think soon enough it will be gone! Do you have to wait until AF is gone to get it out? Pardon my ignorance on the subject hahaha I don't really know a whole lot about IUD's. But I am guessing that you probably have to wait huh?

[Cheryl_W]

No you don't have to wait, I'm still spotting and if I could have had it out a week ago I would have but I have to wait for the appt. cuz the doctor doesn't have a lot of openings. Oh well, it'll be out on Friday!

[Cheryl_W]

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[Cheryl_W]

So some excitement over the weekend... My baby nephew was born on Saturday morning at 10:25 - 6 lbs 2 oz

We went out to visit yesterday, and everyone was all over him... I hope I didn't hurt my sister's feelings, but I didn't hold the baby.

Part of it was being uncomfortable (I've never actually held a newborn), and knowing that babies can sense when you're tensed up I didn't want to make him cry, especially being passed around the room like he was it was already a big day for him!

The other part was trying to distance myself, because I knew if I held that baby, that would be the end of it for me and I would have to have one - and still not knowing 100% if DF is on board with the whole plan (he says he is, but actions speak louder than words, you know??)

Okay, so maybe the second part was most of it. It's also the reason I tend to avoid baby stores, baby sections of clothing stores, baby aisles in grocery stores and pharmacies, etc. - I put on a front saying that I'm uncomfortable with it so that I don't have to show that I'm exactly the opposite. LOL

We are going to go out there this weekend though, so I'll probably have to go shopping and bring him and my step-nephew something nice.

Absolutely no BDing over the weekend... Now it's been almost 3 weeks since anything at all, and depression is starting to kick in. I'm the kind of person who really, really enjoys "practice" - but DF isn't. He could take it or leave it, and usually he decides to leave it. It has actually gotten to the point now where I don't even try anymore, and it takes a lot to get me excited... Which I know is going to seriously hinder any chances of having a baby.

I don't know, maybe I'm the crazy one, but for most men that I've known, when your fiance actively tries to "persuade" you, you show enthusiasm. You don't start talking about how late it is, your head/back/tooth/ear/leg ache, and how you just want to go to sleep. But hey - what do I know.

Really makes a woman feel attractive when you say you want to get married and have children with her, but won't touch her with a 20 ft. pole even while still using protection.

Anyway, I have to stop thinking like that and be happy again, because the depression from lack of "attention" is really starting to effect other things - which isn't conducive to a BFP at the end of the month!

Okay, so stats for the day...

Day 12 of cycle today.

Oed last cycle at approx. day 17, so 5 days or so from now... AF 14 days later.

If this cycle is the same, O will occur approx. Mar 21st-22nd and AF or BFP on April 5th!

Baby dust to all...

- Cheryl W.

[Cheryl_W]

Sorry about all the "." posts, I had to go back and edit those because it posted my last post 5 times - didn't think I would want to read all of those over and over, so I just changed them to "." - wish I could figure out how to delete!

[EstrellaTTC]

Hi there, I'm new here ::

But I just wanted to say that I feel the same way sometimes when it comes to BD. It just seems like I've always been more into it than DH. I'm always ready to go, but sometime he's "too tired". Which I don't understand, cuz I'm never too tired to BD lol. Has he always been like that, or is it just when you guys started ttc? Maybe he feels like you want to do it only because of that and it makes him uncomfortable? Just a thought

[Cheryl_W]

No he has always been like that... The first week that we lived together, we took the week off to unpack, and we didn't BD ONCE. I was actually really upset about it at the time, but now looking back it was just a few feet down a rather slippery slope.

He said that the past few weeks has been because of the IUD, thinking he might hurt me or something... So I guess the IUD makes excellent birth control - abstinence is 100%!

He is excited about TTC, and he knows what I'm like when it comes to BDing so he knows it isn't just because of that LOL I guess it was just the IUD that made him uncomfortable, but I react badly to hormones and he won't use a condom so... I guess once the first baby is born we just don't BD until we want another??? Who knows.

We did actually get in some "practice" late last night, but I feel like he was basically just doing because I kept making comments about it, trying to "shut me up". I told him not to bother because it was late, we did anyway, now he spent the whole morning before work complaining about how tired he is like it's my fault or something.

Oh well, he's still excited about getting my IUD out so we can start trying for a baby, so I guess this is just a passing thing. As if timing and hormones weren't enough to contend with!! LOL

Day 13 of cycle, finally have completely stopped spotting, and T-minus 4 days to both O and IUD removal!

- Cheryl W.

[hopeful3853]

Hi Cheryl,

Just wanted to say I empathize with you a bit about your situation with your DF. For me, my DH is just scared of taking the plunge with kids, but I can totally relate to the blow to the ego! Hope things get better for you.