Trying to conceive our first with PCOS...

ashnichole2326 · #1 May 31st, 2009, 10:16 AM

So, this is my first entry. I figured it was a good idea to start a trying to conceive journal now, before I quit my birth control again. I will start out by telling everyone about me and my SO.
My name is Ashley (20) and my SO is Jerrod (22). We have been friends since we were in grade school, and started dating in October of 2004. We have a GREAT relationship. We had our little fights in the beginning, but never anything major, and we have never separated. It is rare that we have any disputes these days, which is awesome. We get along probably better than any couple I know, to be honest. I think it is due to the fact that we truly respect each other and support each other no matter what. Even if we disagree with each other, we don't make a big deal out of it. Anger in our home lasts about 5 minutes...lol.

We have lived together for about 3 years now. Jerrod works every day, while I stay at home, and work on getting my bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice. I plan on becoming a probation or parole officer when I graduate in 2013. However, because of the major issues in this country concerning obesity, I have been considering changing my major to nutrition. I have only been in school for one term, so I will make a decision very soon...just need to do some research. I know that it is important for at least one of us to have some sort of degree in the near future. One reason that I am trying to conceive now, rather than later is so that I can stay home with my child for the first years of his/her life. By the time I finish school, our child should be starting school...that seems like good timing to me. I would really just like to get used to being a mother before I take on a permanent job.

Anyhow, I started my period when I was about 12 years old. When I was 13, I started missing periods...could have been normal? Also, my periods were debilitating. I had so much pain, that there were days I had to miss school, every month...lol. I had other symptoms such as hot flashes as well, while on my period. It was terrible. So, I finally went to the OB/GYN at 15, and he did an ultrasound that revealed polycystic ovaries. He said he didn't know if I had the actual disease or not, because I was so small. He put me on the pill immediately. I only took it for a couple weeks though because it made me mean...lol. So from there, I tried every kind of birth control under the sun (patches, ring, shot, other pills).
When I turned 19, I started worrying about having kids. I have always wanted children, and it is a very important goal in my life. So, finally, this March I went back to my OB/GYN to see what he thought. At that point I had been on and off the pill and had not been getting my period. He said I must go back on the pill, and worry about having babies when I was ready. I was devastated. I needed to know that I was going to be okay. By the end of March, Jerrod and I decided it was a good time to start trying. We started at the beginning of April, and failed, and then I went back to my doctor, and he told me to go back on birth control for three months, since my cycles were so irregular.
I have now been on the pill since the 20th of this month and I am hating it already! I just don't know if it was the right thing to do. I don't think that one month of trying without any intervention is enough to make that kind of decision.

So...after this pack of pills is gone, I think I will try a couple months on my own. I just hate waiting, without knowing I can't do it without using the pill to regulate me. It makes me crazy!

ashnichole2326 · #2 June 1st, 2009, 05:31 AM

So, I have some great and interesting updates today, already...lol. Last night, Jerrod came home and told me we are getting our own home "for sure" ASAP, and that we will be moved in by the winter. YES!!! We have found a place to live...but we need a trailer or double wide to set on it until we can build a home. I am sooo excited!! I am so ready to have a brand new start. We live in my dad's old trailer now, and it is very hectic here. There isn't much room as it is right now, because my sister hasn't found a place yet, and all her things are still here. (she has A LOT of stuff) So, needless to say, it will be such a relief to start fresh in an empty home without having to worry about what we will do with other people's things. haha

Also, Jerrod is officially joining me on the crazy wagon!! haha!! Last night he said he doesn't want me on the birth control. He said "we want to birth someone!" and I thought I would die laughing at the way he phrased it. I think he was making fun of the term "birth control", but it still sounded so hilarious!
Every day he asks if we're pregnant yet, even though he knows I am on the pill again. It is so sad. I finally told him to stop asking, because it depresses me. I feel so much better now that I know he is as excited and anxious as me. I was worried that he just wanted to try for a baby because he felt sympathetic for me. Before the doctor even confirmed my PCOS, I knew that I had it...I just knew. But he didn't know, so I guess I was silly for thinking that way.
I am still unsure of what to do when it comes to my BCPs. I started spotting on the 30th, and it got a little worse last night, like I was gonna have another period. My last one was just on May 20th and stopped on the 25th. So, I am thinking maybe I should go another month on it at least. I really don't appreciate breakthrough bleeding. Besides that, I messed up on taking them twice this month already. Once I missed a pill, and then I took it twice without knowing it until yesterday. So, I will probably be dealing with that for a while. If I mess up on the pill at all, I start bleeding. I hate it!!

<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<> · #3 June 1st, 2009, 11:00 AM

thanks for writing on my posts.....i look foward to when things get straightened out for you so you can start actively trying......when will your bc pack be all gone?????? nice to meet you

ashnichole2326 · #4 June 1st, 2009, 02:06 PM

You are welcome Naomi!

Nice to meet you as well, and thanks! My pack will be gone on Monday. I am not sure if that will be it for me or not though, because of the bleeding I am having...it is tough TTC when you are bleeding all the time...lol. I shouldn't have ever went back on it, but who knows.

ashnichole2326 · #5 June 2nd, 2009, 07:21 PM

Another update!! Yay!! I called my family doctor today and I will be seeing someone Friday to get a referral to either an endocrinologist or a fertility specialist. I am so excited!! I feel like I am going to be getting somewhere soon now!! I had began to lose hope, when I had to go back on the pill!!

Bye bye pills-hello results!! lol I hope so anyhow!!
I got to thinking today about the OB/GYN putting me back on the pill already, and it just doesn't make much sense...that didn't even give me a full three months to get back to normal...I'm thinking after 6 years on BC I may need to just figure out what my body will do on its own. I have never once waited to see if my AF will come on her own since I went off the pill...so maybe that is the first step, and I completely skipped it. haha

What would be great is that this spotting will go away, and I get my AF when I finish off my pack of pills...and then I can just conceive right afterwards...it could happen! We didn't try the first month last time. That is when my best friend ALWAYS gets pregnant...the first month off the pill. She tried 6 months before the pill...and then the first month off them-BAM!! She took BCP a few months after she lost her baby boy(@ 8 months pregnant), and is now pregnant again after being off the pill one month!!

I am telling you girls...just knowing that I am back in the game next cycle is giving me brand new hope!! Trusting my gut, instead of knowledge feels good. I couldn't go on taking those pills and not know if it was right or not. At first I thought I needed them, and that I knew my body...but then I realized that I have forgotten what my body was like before BC!!

<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<> · #6 June 3rd, 2009, 10:56 AM

I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET SOME REAL INSIGHT ON GETTING CLOSER TO GETTING THAT

HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO WAIT FOR TOO MUCH LONGER

ashnichole2326 · #7 June 6th, 2009, 06:02 AM

Thanks Naomi..me too!! I went to the doctor yesterday. She knows and OB/GYN who pretty much specializes in infertility so she referred me to her...the thing is that she is in the same office as my old GYN, and he has to approve of it before I am switched. I will know if I get a new appointment on Monday or Tuesday. I feel good about the new Doc...her name is Emily Blake.

I hope she gives me an ultrasound for my ovaries so we can see how bad off I am right now. Last time I had one, there were no cysts...but I had been on Birth Control for a while at that time. I guess we'll just have to see. I am excited.

ashnichole2326 · #8 June 7th, 2009, 08:52 AM

Well I am getting rather sick of bleeding at this point. AF started on May 20th...I had spotting until the 25th. I had no bleeding on the 26th until the 28th, after intercourse. Now I am still bleeding. It has been real heavy too. I am now out of pads...and tampons make me cramp way worse so I have to go to town now and buy some pads! Errrr!!!

I'm not gonna be able to TTC if I am constantly bleeding!! Darn BCP!!! Worse mistake ever!!

Wonder how long after they are gone for the bleeding to stop???? Hopefully before my doctor's appointment, whenever that will be.

ashnichole2326 · #9 June 13th, 2009, 10:21 AM

Well today I quit spotting finally!! Yesterday I had a little brown that I didn't even consider spotting but that seems to be gone today too. I don't know where that leaves me though. When did my cycle begin, and when will it end? I am so clueless at this point. I need to go get me a BBT. I hate to drive an hour away just to get one though. That is the one thing that sucks about living out in the middle of nowhere. NOTHING is close to me at all!! The nearest gas stations are at least 15 minutes away. haha

UPDATE!! Apparently we are going to BUILD a house instead of buying a mobile home to set on our piece of property. That makes me soooooo EXCITED!!! I have always dreamed of building my own house!!! That means I get to pick everything!! Yessss!!!! I can't wait to start on it! We have to plan it all out first though

One thing is already certain. We are building a log home. I just don't know what to do when it comes to the floor plan. We like the ones that have upstairs bedrooms...like a big loft thing. But I would really rather have my kids on the same floor as me and Jerrod...lol. We'll figure something out.

YAY!!!!
I can't wait to see my new Dr. on Friday. I have already looked her up, and she's pretty cute. lol Not that that matters. I think it's cool that I got to see her pic though. I am praying she agrees with me on the birth control issue. I really don't think it works for me. Something's got to give soon!!

ashnichole2326 · #10 June 15th, 2009, 07:07 AM

Well I have officially started TTC again after that long spat of bleeding I went through. We finally BD'd for the first time in a while, on Saturday. Yay!! It was amazing! haha Sorry for having to brag about it, but it had felt like forever.

It sucks not knowing what my cycle is going to be like from here on out...and not knowing if I have or will ovulate on my own. I hope by some crazy chance that I have ovulated and caught my egg the other night, already...lol. Small chance, but it can happen I guess.

<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<> · #11 June 15th, 2009, 10:12 AM

are you using fertilityfriend(in your case) i would brag too!!!

ashnichole2326 · #12 June 24th, 2009, 06:36 PM

Hi Naomi I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you on this. I am using FF. I am still bad at remembering to temp every day but it is getting better. My chart is nuts and I am so confused as of right now.

Sooo...next cycle plans: -OPKs
-vaginal temping w/ actual BBT
-may try vitex...not sure...may wait to see if I ovulate w/ the OPKs

Future plans: -start youtube journals for TTC...and pregnancy when and if that ever
happens.

How am I feeling now:
Well, obviously I am very annoyed by my charts and by the bleeding episode I had that is yet to be explained. I am really rather concerned about it still...maybe more now than I was. If you look at my chart, you will see that my temps were WAY higher during the bleeding episode. Then, later I had some spotting during which my temps took a huge dive. They began to go up while I had fertile CM as well as a HSO cervix....but now they are just plain confusing. I just have the craziest sleeping patterns because Jerrod coon hunts at night and I usually just wait for him to get home to go to bed. This is sometimes like 4 AM...and most generally, I am up no later than 10 and it is usually around 7-8. It's really hard for me to temp accurately. However, with the CM and cervix stuff it seems as if I may have O'd and just wasn't temping to catch it on the chart. I should have caught it with my BDing...but it maybe didn't register on FF.....I dunno. Again, so confusing.

I don't know if I told ya'll about that episode I had that you can clearly see on CD12-23, but it was BAD!!! Now...I had taken BCP from CD1 to CD19. I also took it on CD23 twice because I was advised to take it 4x daily to stop the bleeding. But I realized that it was slowing down drastically so I didn't continue it. So I really hope that the pill is the reason for all of it, really. However, I am worried about it still anyhow, because I didn't temp before CD1 this cycle and my cervix was high and still was on CD11. That being said, I am just concerned that I may have had a miscarriage. I have no explanation as to why all of this is going on...maybe I will know when I go to the doctor.

I just want to say that I will not be using the birth control pill EVER again. It is so bad for me. All it has EVER done is screw me up. If you look at my previous cycles, you can see that January is just as funky with the bleeding...minus the passing tissue. I wasn't charting or checking my cervix at that point so who knows on the temps and what not.

Update later!! Thanks so much if you hung in there and read all this crap.

ashnichole2326 · #13 June 26th, 2009, 08:40 PM

BFN today...again. Blah!! Don't even know what I am thinking anymore. I am on CD 36 with an average of 35 day cycles. Hmph! Average my butt. They get further and further apart.

In case anyone was wondering...yes I feel pitiful right now. I just want to see my new doctor and figure out what the heck to do...or even what to think of my cycles.

hopeful3853 · #14 June 27th, 2009, 09:16 PM

i'm sorry, ashley. that just stinks.

i hope you get answers really soon!

ashnichole2326 · #15 June 28th, 2009, 12:39 PM

Thanks! I am glad to say that I am not feeling as bad today. I guess I just have good and bad days like everyone else. I need to keep a few things in mind:
1. Even couples with normal fertility can take 6-12 months to conceive.
2. There are so many options for treatment of PCOS
3. my blood test wasn't even done on the recommended CD
4. It's not over 'til the witch shows!!

I don't wanna get my hopes up, but sometimes that's the only way to get through the day. I need to have faith...I live on it now days.

<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<> · #16 June 30th, 2009, 10:37 AM

i hope you caught your eggie and get your

soon...i cant wait til you update your journal.....we sure do need lots of

s for July...

ashnichole2326 · #17 July 10th, 2009, 11:04 AM

So, I am finally updating this journal. The past week or so has been very crazy and very confusing. I tested WAY too much and it turned me in to a mad woman!!! I got a lot of evaps. Either that or blood tests are less sensitive, which I doubt.

Anyhow, I tested on the third w/ a $ test and FRER. I got a VERY faint line on $ test, and an evap on FRER.

So, of course, I tested again and got another faint line on $ test. I swore it was darker.I really just took it because I got a + OPK too.

So, I went to get a blood test, and on the way home, I took this one.

[IMG]http://i685.photobucket.com/albums/vv211
/ashnichole1128/edited0709.jpg[/IMG]

So, yeah. I was not really too hopeful that the blood test was going to be +, but I figured it was pretty possible. However, I am feeling okay. I DID get a + OPK 3 days ago, so I won't be taking provera for another week or two. We'll see what happens.

Until then, I prob. won't be updating anymore. I need to relax.

<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<> · #18 July 10th, 2009, 11:30 AM

i actualy see a line..i really hope you are preggo...time will tell...how late from your period are ya????

ashnichole2326 · #19 July 11th, 2009, 08:37 AM

I don't know how late, Naomi. I have very irregular cycles from PCOS. I may not even get AF if I am not pregnant. That is why I always have to use provera.

My blood test was negative, but do you think maybe these tests are just more sensitive that the cut-off on blood tests? I swore the line was getting darker.

ashnichole2326 · #20 July 17th, 2009, 03:02 PM

Well I have my first IPS since I O'd. My nipples are really sensitive, and I have a massive lower back ache. Something else I noticed which is really weird is that my lips are burning. I dunno if that is a symptom or not...just odd.
I am also peeing more often...but not much comes out though...maybe a UTI?? I dunno...that would be just my luck. haha

Anyhoo...I'm 9DPO and have never been here before. lol. I've never had FF detect O before so this is new...and I am tickled to death!!