[Laurenj915]

I think I should start one of these. It's been a long time since I wrote in a journal. Not much time today left on my break soooo.

This is day one of cycle 9. I am getting so tired to ttc. That sounds terrible. I am going to accupuncture and they suggested detoxing. I eat organic and all that but I have a mid afternoon diet coke and sugar free gum. They think I should get all the chemicals out of my body. So I am on fruits and veggies for the next few days. I'll probably kill someone for a carb by Saturday.

I also need to pick up chemical free toothpaste and other hygine products this afternoon.

[Im.Nayomi]

so glad to see that you have joined us....hope you get preggo soon...I am also trying
to eat more fruits and veggies and lean towards organic vegetarian....but my reasons
is to get my weight down. I can understand your getting tired of Ttc that is why I
am a true NTNP at heart so I can relax. anyway I hope your accupuncture helps
you to relax and gets you one step closer to here is some baby for
your cycle. by the way I am Nayomi.

[LadyRogue]

Hi! I'm Tammi and I'm glad to see you here. These Ladies are so supportive and it really helps while we're TTC. I hope you get your BFP soon!

[Laurenj915]

Hi Nayomi! Hi Tammi! thanks for the welcome.

I stopped temping this week. I woke up one morning, looked at the thermometer and thought, "screw it." 8 cycles and it doesn't seems to have made a bit of difference. So I didn't temp the next morning and again this morning. Maybe I'll do OPK and maybe not. Dh has SA on Friday so I'll have a clearer picture after those results.

Dh is out of town and I get very sad about not being pregnant when I am alone. Tomorrow I have to go to a brunch for a family friend who is visiting with her new baby.

During our engagement and for the first year of our marriage my two best friends and I would talk about wanting babies but our DHs not being ready yet. Both have since had babies. I have known them for 20 years, we talk about everything. Then DH and I started ttc and we made an agreement not to tell anyone. I just kind of continued to let me friends assume that he was still not ready. I wasn't going to make up a lie and it didn't come up much since they were both busy being pregnant. Now both of them are bringing it up all the time. I know they are worried about me because they have known for years how ready I am to be a mother. And probably about the fact that I will be 34 soon. I guess none of that matters, what bugs me is that I feel like I am lying now. I was really good at changing the subject for a while but it's not working anymore. I love them, I don't want to tell them it's none of their business because I don't feel that way at all. I would love to talk about it with them. I also understand that DH doesn't want me to discuss it with them because I REALLY don't want him discussing it with his mother and sister. *sigh*

Not looking for solutions, just venting. Oh wait, I know the perfect solution. I could get friggin pregnant already!

[Laurenj915]

I'm done feeling sorry for myself today. I just read that AmyNico on the TTC boards miscarried. Her whole story makes me cry. I am going to pray for her and try to be grateful for having my DH in my life.

[Im.Nayomi]

I know you said it doesnt matter that you are 34 and havent had a baby...I want to let you know that it matters to me...I think the older we get...the more it hurts...I am 29.....and not far behind you. reading your journal almost reminds me of my whole life story....imagine this....I live with my inlaws who have a 1 year old son..and been living with them since my sis in law was 4 months pregnant....like i tried the whole hang out with my sis in law...but now I keep my distance....so I know how it feels to be between a rock and a hard place........I just read of a miscarriage not too long ago...and prior to that two ladies expecting with twins....you can read all kind of stuff on J.M. I like that you pray as well.....I am praying for you.

[LuckyOne]

Hey, Lauren!
Just lurking around the ttc journals and ran into yours.
How's the detoxing going? I'm also curious about accupuncture....is it painful?

[hopeful3853]

hi lauren! i'm sara and here, too, ttc'ing for what feels like ages. just wanted to say that i can totally relate to how you feel and am hoping and praying for your too.