[sweet.hun]

Well, I've decided to start writing in a journal, because I need a place to put down my thoughts and fears, and even frustrations from TTC. It's my first cycle trying and I'm hoping I get pg soon. Mainly because DH gets deployed to Afghanistan in January, and 6 months is a long time!! I have 2 tries before he leaves, this month and then again on cycle 3. Cycle 2 he will be off for training so we won't be able to get pg this next time around if it doesn't happen this time around.

I'm 9 DPO today. My stomach HURTS. My ulcer has been extremely upset at me, and then I ate mexican food for lunch which I probably shouldn't have done. It just made it worse. I took some Zantac 75 mg, so I'm hoping it helps! Also, I had some loose bowel movements last night, I know . Also, the inside bottom wall of my vagina is swollen. I heard it's common in pregnancies, so we'll see. Hopefully it's a good sign, but I really don't want to push my luck. It will happen when God wants it to happen.

I haven't prayed about anything as hard as I'm praying that I'm pregnant. I would like to start going to church again, but DH really doesn't believe in religion so he wouldn't be going with me. I'm one of those people who hates going alone. And then when I do go, I feel like they are talking to me...like they know what I'm going through and what I need to hear. We have a small Luthern church across the street from where we live, so I may stop in and see what their services are like. It may allow me to open up a little bit and gain some new friends. The only ones I really have are all at work and as much as I love them, I really don't want to hang out with them after work also, unless it's a special function. Sometimes, you need to draw the line between coworker and friend. I've had fallouts from it in the past and it's just easier this way.

[PurpleTurtle]

Good for you. Hopefully this venting place helps you stay focused, calmer at home. It helps me. I've never been an avid journal keeper, but I discovered years ago that putting my thoughts into framed words on a page helps me to examine them more thoroughly and be honest with myself. Mine here is mainly for keeping myself accountable to not drive my husband nuts and to stay on top of good nutrition and exercise.

Sorry for your tummy!

I want to encourage you to go to church. Try that new place, and if it doesn't quite fit then try another one. It sounds like you might benefit from a local support system while your husband is gone, at the very least. I can imagine it might be hard without his support in attending church, but go anyway. I know for me, my Lord has to come first, however much I adore and need my husband, because I know through experience that he is just a man and my God is the one who sustains me. God will meet you wherever you are, I have no doubt of that, but regular support through a church body you enjoy might encourage you, keep you going, make you feel less alone, keep you accountable. That's what it's for, really.

And I'm the same when it comes to co-workers! I find it simpler to keep it clean cut and not cross my wires between professional and private.

[sweet.hun]

Thanks for the encouragement Purple. I'm definitely looking into the church that's across the street.

Today I checked my cervix and came away with a little pink tinged CM. Interesting. Now I wish I would have taken my temp at 6am. I decided not to because DH and I were out until 3am for the Harry Potter midnight showing, and I figured my temp would have been out of whack if I tried temping today. I'll definitely be checking my temp tomorrow.

Other symptoms are of course being bloated, kinda nauseated, burping like crazy, hungry, massive headache, and some side cramping. I really hope this is it for me. DH hasn't given up hope, yet I was ready to give up earlier today. I honestly felt like I was pregnant, and then getting the BFN this morning was just it for me. I wanted to cry. I want to be a mother so bad! I know that my time will come, I was just hoping that we would be pregnant while we are still here in AZ. I would love for my mom to see her grandkids. It took her 5 years to see my nephews, and it was because my brother flew down here for my wedding, and my nephews were the ring bearers.

[sweet.hun]

Cycle Day 1 for me today. AF came on strong this morning. We won't catch the egg this cycle as DH is leaving for training after Thanksgiving...just before I'm expected to ovulate. Thankfully, he'll get back around the end of December on my 3rd cycle just before I ovulate, which is awesome.

I'm thinking I'm going to start taking Soy. After researching it for FLAteacher, I learned a lot about what it does and I'm pretty sure it could definitely help me. I was really skeptical about being able to conceive again after my miscarriage, ever since my cycles have been really weird and since I just got off the NuvaRing a month ago, it may help to even everything out. So, definitely looking forward to cycle 3. Just gotta wait until cycle 2 passes.