[ub33422]

I got diagnosed with dysmenorrhea when I was about 15. I used to get crazy painful periods. My whole body would cramp up and I'd be out for a whole day. It kind of sucked - but the part that was worse was that in my home country, the whole concept of BCPs aren't given to teenagers because they're 'scared' it might encourage free sex etc. Yeah I know, I come from a backward country.

I moved to the US, went to see an OBGYN, and he prescribed me birth control. Actually I went to the health center saying I need really strong painkillers. They just looked at me like I was crazy . I wasn't aware that asking for a load of painkillers were a mark of an addict. This was because I was given painkiller injections everytime I got my period back home. So anyway, they gave me about 2 pills, and told me to get a BCP scrip filled. Got on BCPs and never looked back!!

Now I'm married, working in consulting, and we're trying to TTC #1. Actually nobody knows we're trying to TTC except my dad, who still lives back home, and one of my close friends who lives too far from anyone else to tell them. I've told DH that we're not telling anyone till we actually get a BFP. Even then, I'm planning to modify that requirement to - till we get to the 12 week mark.

What's frustrating is that there's
a) The Uncle in-law family - they keep digging about how we need to have kids yadda yadda
b) The constant reminders that we're getting old and need to get to the babymaking ASAP
c) The cousins that keep asking when when WHEN!!!

I actually have a blog but it's hard to write all this, when everyone and their mother reads it. My DH comes from a very, what I call 'busybody' family. Where everyone knows everyones business. I'm more you're on a Need to Know basis. So am still trying to achieve the balance there.

I've gone off BCPs, and did the NTNP route for a bit, and now are actively TTC'ing. Thing is, I get excited one day, and the next I'm freaked out of my mind about this. I sometimes think I'll be a great mom, then the next moment I'm thinking, Oh my god... I'll screw this up BIG TIME. I'm both ways, and the one thing I know, is that once I do get a BFP, I'll do the ****dest best I can.

Weird thing today though, which is why I started doing this, I had a dream last night that I tested and got a BFP that was clear as day. And again, I kind of FREAKED out... seems to be a theme here

I'm planning to test again, probably next week. AF is late 1 week, and I really don't want to see a BFN again....

[ladyastraea]

Hi there! Wow you sound a little like me almost! I was only on the pill for ten years, not fifteen though. I heard a lot of women get pg really quickly after the pill, hopefully that'll be your experience too!

[ub33422]

So, I got AF this past Sunday, and we both were kind of bummed. I feel like I just gained 50 pounds and the bloat has me looking like I've swallowed a tub of air. My face looks like I cried the whole night and I feel like CRAP.

Doesn't help that I had to drive 3 hours to work today, and won't be back home till Thursday. On the bright side, I get to sleep a fitful 8 hours at night (sans DH's snoring).

On the other hand, I got on a scale yesterday and I'm 20 pounds over my ideal weight. Blech. That might be why I can't fit into any of my clothes lately. Ha! Sometimes this 'Happy being Married' thing doesn't really help. DH does love my rear end, as it's gotten a little more padding. But I don't want to buy new clothes!! We need to save for the baby....

I don't know. We were talking the other day and he did say something about not really wanting children. I'm ambivalent, there are times I REALLY REALLY want one, then I do a 360 and not want one. He's the same way I guess. Scared to death, but I know he'll be a great dad. He loves kids, and they're drawn to him. Even my little stepsisters are crazy about him....

We'll try again this cycle, but it looks like I have crazy long cycles. Oh well, more nooky don't hurt me .

On a side note:
I ordered the "Take Charge of Your Fertility" book since it's so highly recommended by the masses. I guess I'll start reading it this weekend (it hasn't arrived yet). Will update with a review once I get done with it.

[ub33422]

So, we got over the whole Cycle#1 being a bust, and decided to try again this month. I'm armed with OPKs and HPTs, but am kind of a little skeptical about the whole thing. I'm not sure it's going to work is all.

I guess we'll have to wait and see but in all fairness, I do think that I should give the tools a shot before I say anything else.

DH hopefully will be participating wholeheartedly (he's got this annoying habit of calling BD, making babies) I KNOW it's what its called. But it makes it that much harder to get to the finish line if we know what's waiting for us (or at least for me). He's promised to cut down the references to babies so I don't get as freaked out, but funny thing is, I think he's freaked out too!. Might be some kind of reverse psychology thing, that backfired haha!!

Well, we'll see if Cycle #2 pans out... we're only CD#6, and since I have a 37 day cycle (which sucks MAJOR) I'll probably start testing tomorrow or something. AF this time was only 4 days, which didn't really put a kink in the timing, but a hoping this time there's no fake outs since my body loves doing THAT!

So, to those reading - Hope you guys get your BFPs soon! and do keep you fingers crossed for me!

[11gatorgal11]

I was only on birth control for a little over a year, kept forgetting to get my prescription filled after Nov 10' and in March 11' I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I have heard you become more fertile once you get off birth control, but idk how true that is........... but in my case it was definitely true
Good luck!

[ub33422]

11Gatorgal11 - AWESOME!! Do you know whether it's a boy or girl?

Let's hope we go for gold the next time we BD. I think my cycles are a little wonky but I've got OPKs and HPTs. Hopefully this'll be the month, otherwise, I'm buying that Clearblue Digital fertility monitor... and start feeding my DH supersperm foods haha!

[ub33422]

So, anyway, here's another update. I started using the OPKs and that's helluva hard to figure out. Here's how DH & my conversation ended up

Me: Does this line look the same as the one on XX day?
DH: There wasn't a line the other day
Me: There Was!
DH: I remember seeing no line
Me: You sure you didn't look at it after the 1 hour time limit?
DH: Of course I didn't! , I looked at it while you were in the shower
Me: You don't think I remember what I see?
DH: I have a better memory than you do
Me: Fine... whatever.... I'll test again tomorrow
DH: I'm pretty sure there was no line
Me: Okay... okay.. we'll just try again tomorrow

Conclusion: I HATE those single/double line OPKs!!

On the other hand, I'm still trying to justify a $250 cost for the fertility monitor. I know Rite Aid has it for $150 with a $50 rebate, but I still have to buy the sticks. I'll finish out the OPKs I have this month, and revisit the Fertility monitor idea on CD1.

[ub33422]

So, I talked to DH yesterday on how we're probably screwing up the way we are reading the OPKs and that there's a solution to this with the Clearblue Fertility Monitor. He simply said, sure go buy it, it'll only help and won't hurt. And I go 'but it's $250!!'.

His thought process was based on the idea that we can use it for subsequent cycles even if we get pregnant the 1st time we use it. I have to agree though, because if we're planning to have 3 children, we need to get cracking and if it's going to go as 'stellar' as it's been recently, I think we need the monitor.

I did tell him, we'll finish out the OPKs we have now and buy the monitor as soon as we're out of the sticks. Or before Rite Aid kills the offer.....

I'm not out yet this cycle, but we're working on some bedroom mechanics so am not actively TTC'ing this cycle although we're actively BD'ing

We'll see what happens come the next few weeks.

[ub33422]

So, here's another update:

I didn't chart this cycle, but I had OPKs ready. Had to leave for a week for work, but distance wasn't TOO bad considering I could drive back if I had a positive LH prediction. Well, I did test on Sunday, at the line was faint, we figured, alrighty then, I'd be okay to drive up and do my thing.

Monday comes, and DH texts me, 'hey did you test yet?' I go, not quite, did you want me to test & text you a picture? He goes - sure! So off I go to test, and whaddya know..... I got a TRUE DEEP RED/PURPLE LINE!. A postive LH surge! I took pictures and sent it over.

Next thing I know, we're trying to coordinate schedules to see where we can meet halfway for a BD session. I thought it too sleazy to meet at a hotel - so I decided I'll drive the 3 hours home so we can BD at leisure and in comfort.

I get home, and we BD. Only issue was DH didn't finish in me, I think it kind of freaks him out still that we're trying to have a baby. I'm not sure why, but I guess if he's freaked out, he can't really 'concentrate'.

I'm 2 days past the LH surge, and I'm pretty sure O'd. DH was disappointed in his performance, but I told him that we should stop trying and let stuff happen on its own. If we're conscious about the effort, that makes it 3 times as difficult for anything to happen. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're off the TTC route for now, and more like NTNP. I do like that designation - only because it makes me feel like I have better control & freedom to do what I want. I think DH thinks the same, since he's a more relaxed now.

He was a little concerned that we're getting off the TTC bandwagon, but I told him, it's US that matter and not anyone else. We can tell everyone to 'F Off' if they ask. I did say, he needs to lay off the baby references, and tell his family to MYOB when they ask. I can't play bad cop ALL the time .

So I guess here we are - NTNP and let's see what happens. The bright side to this is that I finally figured out my cycles, etc etc so I 'can' have an 'accident' but I'm probably not going to do that.

DH's - can't live with them - can't live without them....