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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 13th, 2008, 05:03 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
I've kept my BFP's from my last two pregnancies. I just can't bring myself to throw them away. There is one particular test from my pregnancy with Zhavier that I just can't stop looking at... it's so perfect - the two lines are nice & dark, it looks like all the pictures that preggy ladies have in their siggys... I just can't stop looking at it Right now I have like 12 BFP's in my drawer... I feel 'stupid' for keeping them, but at the same time, they bring me some form of peace (at times.. when it isn't peace, it's sadness)...

*sigh*
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  #2  
May 13th, 2008, 05:37 PM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 10,874
Sweetie, I think it is completely normal. I still have every pregnancy test I took while I was pregnant with Thomas. They are in his memory box.

It's not stupid at all. Those of us who have miscarriages have so little left that we can actually hold on to. So who could blame you for holding onto those HPTs? I know when I look at mine (and I do whenever I go to put another letter in Thomas' box) it brings me back to that time when I took that test and I was so happy. It gives me bittersweet memories, like you said. It is part happiness because I remember that time and I'm grateful for the time I had with him, but also sad because it ended.



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  #3  
May 13th, 2008, 10:21 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I think that is totally normal. I too have HPTs in my drawers - all over the house. If anyone snoops they must think I am nuts. The ones from my angles I decided to bury in my memorial garden. I know one day someone may dig that up & think I was nuts...but for me it gave me the opportunity to have something I could bury. All the loose ones floating around now are from when I was pg with DS & I just couldn't believe I was really *still* pg...so I think I took tests right up until a few weeks before I had him. It just felt really good to me to see that test come up positive. I knew it didn't promise me anything - but so many times I took that test so scared...and then times I was so sad to have it be a BFP because I had lost faith I would ever go full term. So I took probably at least 1-2 tests per month the whole pg. Now I have no idea what to do with them because they do mean something to me, but they aren't the kind of thing I can put in a scrap book - and unlike the tests I had for my angels...I have a hard time explaining to anyone (even to myself) why I can't just throw those ones away....
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  #4  
May 15th, 2008, 12:38 AM
Bakin8th's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: B.C. Canada
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((((hugs))) I too have my tests I admit I am a POAS addict but it started after 2nd m/c in March 06 now I test almost daily and have so many tests left from my last 4 m/c. I look at them all the time and close my eyes and remeber the moment it came up BFP and remeber how happy I was.

I was still testing till about 2 weeks ago to see how long it took the HCG to leave my body after I had my DD(17w pg) I buy mine online in bulk about 150 tests at a time. I am so paranoid even tho I know all the great tests in the world does not mean a good outcome.

I also took pics of all my tests as a series and have them on the comp labled for each pg useally all set up to look at with fondness before I even have a clue I am going to lose baby so those are bittersweet.

What I do now it take the pics of my BFP series and add them to my memery box (or scrapbook book for last live baby) I have been lucky I have u/s sounds pics to add to last 2 babies out the last 4. No matter what happens to the tests I will always have my lost babies first BFP in a picture.
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~IRENE~ MOM TO 8 KIDDOES! DS 18, DD 16, DD 14, DD 8, DS 6, DD 4, DS 3 and DS 1

Ttcing #9 After TWO 2nd trimester loss's and FIVE 1st trimester loss's. Missing our 8 ANGEL'S

IUI W/CLOMID/TRIGGER FEB 12/13 09!

Kyle (absent) Chelsea, Miki, Hanna, Johna, Sari, Jessiah and Isaiah.



THE LORD GIVES AND TAKES AWAY MY HEART WILL CHOOSE TO SAY BLESSED BE HIS WONDERFUL NAME!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our 8 Greatly missed Angels
12W, 6W, 6W, 9W 1 twin, 5W
17W twins (sex unkown) and "Elijah"
17W "Angel"
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  #5  
May 15th, 2008, 07:51 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,390
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I kept my BFP for nearly 6 months after my loss... when I finally threw it out I felt that was when I began to heal. I often wish I still had it, because it'd be insteresting to see if it was still as dark as it was when I threw it out. (I'd wrapped it in cling wrap, so it stayed dark the entire time I had it.)
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  #6  
May 15th, 2008, 09:19 PM
Bakin8th's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: B.C. Canada
Posts: 3,734
I have tests that are 5 yrs old.Yes they stay the same darkness but the strip turns a icky yellow.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
~IRENE~ MOM TO 8 KIDDOES! DS 18, DD 16, DD 14, DD 8, DS 6, DD 4, DS 3 and DS 1

Ttcing #9 After TWO 2nd trimester loss's and FIVE 1st trimester loss's. Missing our 8 ANGEL'S

IUI W/CLOMID/TRIGGER FEB 12/13 09!

Kyle (absent) Chelsea, Miki, Hanna, Johna, Sari, Jessiah and Isaiah.



THE LORD GIVES AND TAKES AWAY MY HEART WILL CHOOSE TO SAY BLESSED BE HIS WONDERFUL NAME!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our 8 Greatly missed Angels
12W, 6W, 6W, 9W 1 twin, 5W
17W twins (sex unkown) and "Elijah"
17W "Angel"
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  #7  
May 15th, 2008, 10:35 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
thank you ladies so much for actually making me feel *normal*. I'm glad I'm not the only one who keeps BFP's - and more so that it doesn't appear to be 'weird' to do so!!!

Shannon - I think you said it perfectly when you said that those of us who've had miscarriages, (often) have very little to hold onto... I guess for me, the BFP's are symbolic of my babies - they are the only physical thing I have of my babies...
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