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ABC's of healing


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
August 20th, 2008, 03:38 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Please pick one aspect of healing & explain it a bit....for example:


A - Acceptance


It was the HARDEST part of healing for me & certainly took some time to accept not only that the losses happened, but that it was okay - even if it hurt like crazy. I could get through it & I could be happy again some day even if not today & to almost embrace the truth rather than rebel against it.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #2  
August 21st, 2008, 01:38 PM
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Posts: 578
B - Bravery

Getting out of bed every morning and having the strength to continue living without my child.
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  #3  
August 21st, 2008, 01:46 PM
fairy9800's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Jackson, Michigan
Posts: 8,658
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C- Crying

Knowing its ok let it all out whenever you need to.
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  #4  
August 21st, 2008, 10:13 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
D - Depth


Understanding the depth of love, emotions, and pain one can feel over the loss of someone they have never touched, seen or heard.
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #5  
August 22nd, 2008, 02:23 AM
miraceti's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Zagreb-Croatia
Posts: 360
E - Endurance


You have to go through; no other person can go instead of you. Emotions will come, emotions will go and you have to endure.
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The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.- CG Jung
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  #6  
August 22nd, 2008, 05:44 AM
fairy9800's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Jackson, Michigan
Posts: 8,658
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F- Forgive

Forgive yourself. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?
With each of my losses I blamed myself even though I knew that it wasn't my fault. You need to forgive yourself for all the things you think you did.
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  #7  
August 22nd, 2008, 08:50 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
G - God

For me, God was instrumental to my healing. I spent a lot of time digging deep into my faith, talking to God, listening (that was hard), praying. I know this isn't the path for everyone, but it was all I had to cling to when I hit rock bottom. And then I watched as He pulled me back up.
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Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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  #8  
August 22nd, 2008, 09:51 AM
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Hope

You have to be able to keep the hope for a take home baby. If you lose hope and faith then you have nothing.
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  #9  
August 23rd, 2008, 08:09 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,643
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I - Innocence

Either getting or losing innocence when you found out the baby was gone.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel that on the day I found out I was losing my babies I didn't feel innocent. I'd experienced life and death TWICE in 9w2days. It took something with me that I could never get back. When I had my second loss this year, it took even more away.
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~TTC #1 together 3 years and counting ~


Currently trying naturally while saving for IUI

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Vitamins started August 2nd. Hoping to see specialist in 2015
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - bfn
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  #10  
August 23rd, 2008, 08:47 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Omaha NE
Posts: 212
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J - Joy

I have to remember the pure joy I felt at seeing that 2nd line the first time. For all the anguish, heartbreak and devastation, I can't forget those babies gave me such joy. I didn't have them as long as I wanted, but I am blessed to have had them at all.
__________________


My Angels:
Hope - m/c 10/5/04
Junior - m/c 1/31/06
Baby - m/c 1/27/08
May - d&c/lap/tube removal 6/13/08

IVF in September: BFN

To view my blog click here
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  #11  
August 23rd, 2008, 05:38 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,643
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
K - Kindness

I'll never forget the kindness that some have shown me since my first loss three years ago. I came home from my surgery and went back to work two days later, and all my pregnant friends and coworkers had stuffed their clothes to make them look fat and not pregnant.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 3 years and counting ~


Currently trying naturally while saving for IUI

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Vitamins started August 2nd. Hoping to see specialist in 2015
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - bfn
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  #12  
August 24th, 2008, 12:45 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
L - Letting Go


It was so hard but necessary for me to let my angels go & really grasp that there was no real way to hold onto them anyway. But emotionally letting go is easier said than done.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #13  
August 25th, 2008, 05:42 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,643
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
M - mourning

I think this is a key element. If you don't mourn, you can't heal.





And Becky... I wish I could learn this "letting go" thing... I learned this weekend I haven't let go of my first loss, and it was 3 years yesterday!
__________________
~TTC #1 together 3 years and counting ~


Currently trying naturally while saving for IUI

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Vitamins started August 2nd. Hoping to see specialist in 2015
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - bfn
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  #14  
August 26th, 2008, 02:42 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
N - Never knew...

One of the hardest things for me with regard to my losses, is that I never knew anything about my babies... never knew for sure the sex, never knew their eye colour, hair colour, how tall they'd be, what their personality would be like.... I found that really hard to accept
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  #15  
August 27th, 2008, 04:36 PM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 10,874
O - Opening up

I think opening up to others and talking to them helped me with the healing process. Just being able to put into words how I am feeling with a sympathetic ear listening really helps. It is very validating to hear someone tell you that what you feel is normal.



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  #16  
August 28th, 2008, 09:16 AM
miraceti's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Zagreb-Croatia
Posts: 360

P- Peace

it is important to find peace within yourself and with the world. It is not easy, it needs some time and you have to be patient with yourself during the process.
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The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.- CG Jung
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  #17  
August 28th, 2008, 09:30 AM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 10,874
Q - Questioning

I know I had questions in my head. Why did this happen? Did I do something to cause this? Will it happen again? When will I feel better? I think all of us search for answers and many times, there simply aren't any.

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  #18  
August 28th, 2008, 03:51 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
R - Returning

Returning to life was a major step in my healing. I walked in a fog for a while after my second loss. Finally DH told me I had to come back. To snap to and get back into our life and our family. It wasn't easy, but it was important to help me heal.
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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  #19  
August 28th, 2008, 09:39 PM
DawnN's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: IL
Posts: 4,517
Sharing -

When you're able to, sharing not only can help you, but it allows others who are also hurting, to know that they are not alone.
__________________
Married 8/11/90 ~ Terry Bechor m/c'd 11/26/03, Thomas A. III m/c'd 7/15/04,
Sarah E. born 6/24/05, Tabitha Zipporah m/c'd 4/?/06, Theodore David m/c'd 8/27/06,
Taylor Lynn m/c'd 2/07/07, Benjamin E. born 3/25/08, Catherine A. born 6/03/09


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  #20  
September 6th, 2008, 02:00 PM
DawnN's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: IL
Posts: 4,517
T for Time

Time may not completely "heal" all wounds, but it does make the wounds more maneagable.
__________________
Married 8/11/90 ~ Terry Bechor m/c'd 11/26/03, Thomas A. III m/c'd 7/15/04,
Sarah E. born 6/24/05, Tabitha Zipporah m/c'd 4/?/06, Theodore David m/c'd 8/27/06,
Taylor Lynn m/c'd 2/07/07, Benjamin E. born 3/25/08, Catherine A. born 6/03/09


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