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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
September 7th, 2008, 01:47 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Hoosier Girl!
Posts: 10,470
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I know we all have had recurrent losses but I thought it would be interesting for us to share our stories for those that don't know.

Here is mine...

Dh and I started TTC a month after our wedding in Nov 06. I got pg our second cycle in Feb. only to go to my 8 wk ultrasound and see an empty black hole. I had a D&C 3 weeks later because I still had not passed the baby. Then we took that cycle off and NTNP the next cycle and got pg again in May 07. I only got to enjoy that one for 4 days before I found out my HCG wasn't rising. I started bleeding and m/c naturally 5 days later. After that my OB ran multiple tests (lupus anticoagulant, anticardiolipin antibodies, antinuclear antibodies, and thyroid stimulating hormone) and we also each had our chromosomes checked. All these tests were normal. I then had an HSG to check the shape of my uterus and my tubes and they were perfectly normal. At this point we were excited and thought that nothing was wrong with me...we thought we had just had bad luck. We began trying after my first cycle

We tried again naturally and on the third cycle we got pg again (ironically the same cycle time last year as this cycle I am on right now). This time seemed perfect. My HCG was doubling perfect and I actually felt sick so I was excited! We again went to our 8wk ulrasound thinking all was well only to see the tiniest little baby with no movement or HB. I had another scan a few days later just to be sure and had a D&C the following week in November. Testing on the placenta came back as normal baby boy. I had been content referring to my babies as my angels until we found out we had a little boy. We picked two gender neutral names for the first two angels (Jordan and Skylar) and chose Gabriel for our little boy.

Then we started seeing an RE and started off with some more testing. He wanted to do a test to see if I have antipaternal antibodies. After almost 2 weeks of waiting we found out that test was normal. Then I had more testing. This time it was for Factor V Leiden, MTHFR, Protein S and Protein C, and prothrombin mutation. After another 2 weeks I had a follow-up appt with my RE on January 15th. We went over the results of all the testing and basically everything was normal. The only possible abnormality was that I am Heterozygous for MTHFR. This mutation causes an increase in homocysteine levels which can be a clotting issue. It also makes it so I don't break down folic acid, b6 and b12. I started taking Folgard along with my Prenatals (Folgard is extra Folic acid, b6 and b12) and I take baby aspirin until I O and then start heparin/lovenox injections on all cycles from this point on.

After a break through the holidays we started TTC with Femara in the hopes of producing a healthier egg and also added the BA, Folgard, and Heparin/Lovenox regimen. We also did an HCG trigger those cycles to trigger ovulation even though I O on my own. I guess it is to just be in more control and so that the follies don't get too big. I did produce multiple follicles (average of 2-4) but only one was mature in each of the first two cycles and then third cycle I had one big follie that was probably a cyst so we were not able to trigger that cycle. All of those cycles were obviously BFN.

Then in May I had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. My RE removed endometriosis from my right ovary and my bladder. Everything else looked fine. Then after a month break we did our first Femara/Follistim cycle in July. I had 3 mature follicles but we were unsuccessful. My RE requires that I wait a cycle in between injectable cycles so that cysts do not develop so we took August off and are now W2O on another Femara/Follistim cycle. I have my follicle scan and E2 test tomorrow and will trigger if all is well!!!

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  #2  
September 8th, 2008, 02:45 AM
DawnN's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: IL
Posts: 4,517
DH and I were married in 1990. I always thought that I would be "fertile Myrtle" because my mother was. But, shortly after getting married, my cycles went crazy. I was diagnosed with PCOS, but back then all they'd do is try to regulate you with bc pills (made it worse for me), or provera (to induce cycles) or clomid (did nothing for me alone). They even had me on the shots once and I just started to get hyperstimulated so they stopped. So for 13 years, I was unable to even conceive.

In July of 2003, empowered with some knowledge about treating PCOS with Metformin, I went to an endocrinologist and had a 3 hour blood glucose test done (all other previous insulin tests had come back normal). It showed a slight abnormality, so the endo put m on 2000 mg. a day of Metformin, along with medicine for hypothyroid. Within 4-5 weeks, my cycles were NORMAL and I conceived after only 3 months. Except...I didn't know that I'd conceived. I was going to an older gyn. who didn't understand why my endo had put me on Metformin since I "didn't have diabetes".

When I started spotting before my cycle was due, he immediately recommended birth control for 2-3 months to "straighten me out". I didn't even think to test for pregnancy and I just took the pills. I started hemorraging almost immediately. I pestered his office for the next three weeks, growing weaker and weaker and getting more and more scared that I was dying. I kept getting the same response from the staff "the doctor says it WILL straighten you out. Keep taking them."

On November 26th, I started getting horrible abdomenal "cramping" (I didn't know I was in labor) and woke my dh up telling him that I might need to go to the ER. About 1/2 hour after that, I passed a huge fleshy mass/clot. I knew immediately that I had m/c'd. I ended up going to the ER from the hemorraging and had to have a d&c to stop the bleeding (it was then confirmed that I had indeed been pg.). The doctor apologized stating that his staff never told him how bad I was bleeding, only that I had some "breakthrough" blood. We named that baby Terry Bechor (not knowing the gender) which means "Tender First" or "Tender One".

I obviously switched doctors and found one that knew about the Metformin treatment for PCOS. We started trying in May and got pregnant immediately. I waited until cd 40 to test because I was so afraid to see a bfn after almost 14 years. I had the nurse visit and then on Monday, July 12th, I saw the ob. He told me to stop taking the Metformin because they didn't know the effects on a growing baby. So I did. Two days later, I was working in the church nursery when I started gushing. I got to the ER and they did an u/s. The u/s tech actually started crying when she found my baby (his heart beating away). She didn't think she'd even find a baby with as much blood as I was losing. I passed him about 45 minutes later (sometime around midnight). Even though I knew I had passed him, they made me stay in L&D all night, planning to do another u/s in the morning to make sure. I heard babies crying as they were first born all night long. I had a d&e the next morning to stop the bleeding and make sure that all "products of conception" were passed. That sweet baby we named after my husband and his father, Thomas Arthur.

I then read up on the web (reputable sources) that I should've stayed on the Metformin. I shared the info w/my doctor and he agreed. We started ttc two month later with a Clomid boost (cd 3-7 at 50 mg). I got pregnant and STAYED on the Metformin the whole pg. DD Sarah was born on June 24th, 2005.

Nine months passed and my cycles were coming back, but crazy. I had just weaned dd. I started charting because I wanted to know when I was ovulating (as we were going to start ttc when dd turned 1). I ended up with a crazy cycle ... spotting, heavy bleeding, spotting, etc. for about 9 days. I chalked it up to my cycles coming back until I got really nauseous. I took a pg, test and got a dark bfp. I went to the ER and it was confirmed that I was pg. (but I knew it wasn't good with the bleeding). Two days later, my hcg had dropped by over half. I never passed a clot with that pg. I must've been really early on. We named her Tabitha Zipporah. We knew it was a girl because (tmi coming) we dtd approximately 4 days prior to ovulation and boy spermies don't live that long. Tabitha (because of the woman in the Bible) and Zipporah (which means little bird) because she flew in and out of our lives before we even knew we were pg.

We started ttc again in June. Got pregnant pretty quickly. But u/s showed that our baby never developed beyond 7 weeks. I had the m/c naturally, at home at 10 1/2 weeks. We cremated Teddy in Tommy's baby blanket, sort of a memorial for all of our babies. Teddy is in a little box/urn on dh's bureau. He's the only one we were able to have cremated.

I finally went to an RE and had the whole gamut of testing done. It came back that I was positive for heterozygous MTHFR. But we moved and my next RE didn't believe in treating the blood clotting disorder, stating it "wasn't necessary". Needless to say, I had a d&c for my 5th m/c, "Taylor", in Feb. of 2007.

As a last ditch effort, I went to another RE for a final opinion. The first words out of their mouth were, "I've read through your medical history and can I just say how truly sorry I am for all you've been through." The next words were, "I think I have an answer for you." HOPE!!! What a wonderful thing!! She then said, "Why have you never been treated for the MTHFR? You should've been on ...... (all the things I had asked the previous RE about)" and then some.

With my new medicinal protocol (Heparin injections, baby aspirin, extra Folic acid, and Prednisone)..oh and Clomid for the LPD, I conceived my son Benjamin. My progesterone was extremely low during the Luteal phase (only 6!!!) so I ended up on progesterone shots as well. But my son is here and healthy.

It's been a long and difficult journey...one filled with pain, grief, and bittersweet joy. DH and I have been married for 18 years now. Who would've ever thought that a girl who thought she'd be a "fertile Myrtle" would have to go through this?

__________________________________________________

ETA: My story does not end there. In November of 2008, dh and I were trying to prevent pg. until he could have a vasectomy. Well, unbelievably, we fell pregnant. I started getting symptoms and tested a couple of days before cycle was due. I'm sure you can only imagine the scramble I did when it came back positive, to get on all of my blood thinners, progesterone shots and Prednisone.

Thankfully, my "sweet surprise" Catherine Anastasia, made it through and was born on June 3, 2009.
__________________
Married 8/11/90 ~ Terry Bechor m/c'd 11/26/03, Thomas A. III m/c'd 7/15/04,
Sarah E. born 6/24/05, Tabitha Zipporah m/c'd 4/?/06, Theodore David m/c'd 8/27/06,
Taylor Lynn m/c'd 2/07/07, Benjamin E. born 3/25/08, Catherine A. born 6/03/09



Last edited by DawnN; March 1st, 2010 at 11:11 PM.
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  #3  
September 9th, 2008, 01:10 AM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
I have experienced four 1st trimester losses, between 2001 & 2008... the pregnancies have been to 3 different men...

My first loss was on November 2, 2001 @ 10w4d, the father was my ex boyfriend, Alan - that pregnancy wasn't planned
My second loss was on November 19, 2005 @ 5w4d, the father was my ex boyfriend, Stu - that pregnancy WAS planned
My third loss was on October 21, 2007 @ 8w0d, the father was my DP - Kai. That pregnancy wasn't planned, and it turned out that I had an ectopic pregnancy, which I needed surgery for
My fourth loss was on January 6, 2008 @ 6w1d, the father was my DP - Kai. Again that pregnancy was NOT planned & I was on the pill, however I shouldn't have been on the pill because it was pretty much useless due to the epilepsy medication I am on - though my doctor didn't tell me that at all.

I've not had any testing done, mainly because of the fact only 1 pregnancy was actually planned - and I gave birth to my daughter between the 2nd & 3rd losses. When me & Kai start trying, if I have any losses I will be requesting to get testing done... It honestly didn't occur to me after my other losses, I guess because of the surprise aspect of (most of) them...
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  #4  
September 10th, 2008, 10:26 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,316
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My story starts back really in 2005. After some pretty hefty fighting, short breaks ups and plain old being miserable, we made the choice that I would move home and live with my grandparents until the end of the year, and then we'd try living together again. It was working great, except for the 1hour trip each way required for us to visit each other. My now-ex and I were preventing using only condoms because BCP's give me headaches and make me practically useless for most of the month. I had just started a new job, and one evening when he was down to visit (July 4th) the condom fell off at some point. It was CD15 for me, tho I didn't think of this, because if I had, my next decision possibly would have been different. Because I had to work the next morning, and he couldn't stay because he had to work too, I refused to go and pick up the MAP (morning after pill), figuring we'd had accidents before, we'd be fine.

Days went on, and I didn't think much of it. I was set to start my period with in two weeks, and sure enough, on the day I was set to start, I spotted like normal. He'd been worried about pregnancy, so i immediately called him and told him I'd started. The spotting stopped with in an hour. Figuring my body was just taking its time, I let it go. But by Wednesday I was starting to worry because I hadn't started. I was going to spend the weekend with him, so I figured I'd give it until Friday to start worrying. Friday afternoon I went to the grocery store and bought two very odd purchases, Little swimmers and a box of pregnancy tests (lol... first purchase was for my aunt, but the lady gave me a priceless look). That night my dad drove me to see him, and I told him that I still hadn't started. He panicked and wanted to run out and grab a test. When I explained I already had them, and was going to take one in the morning he settled down a bit.

I got up that morning, drove him to work and then drove out to the cemetary where his father is burried. I sat leaning against the columburrial and just cried. We weren't ready for a baby, we were barely floating on the relationship level. I begged his father to tell me what was going to happen, and the sky that had been bright and full of sun lit up with lightening and I got soaked. I didn't take this as a good sign. I went home and took the test. It took less than one minute for the bright pink 2nd line to show up, and I just shook. I knew this meant the end of our relationship.

And I was right. He begged me to have an abortion, I refused, then agreed, then refused. I saw my doctor, started my prenatals, and then the day he and I broke up (August 3rd) I started bleeding. At first it was brown, then it was pink, then it was red. We called the ER (I'd had my pregnancy confirmed three days before at my Dr), they told me it sounded like a miscarriage, to watch it closely and come in if it got worse. It stopped that night. I saw my doctor (who is also an OB) who ordered more blood work. the numbers had barely tripled in four days.. not good. She ordered an ultrasound, and my mom went with me. The tech, who was very rude to me, pointed out two very small babies.. omg... TWINS! However they were only measuring three weeks, and I was six. (LMP June 20) I spent the next week having blood drawn every other day. My body was producing enough HCG for a singleton pregnancy, not twins. After three draws, they weren't doubling anymore. My doctor wanted to check if there were heartbeats and sent me back for another ultrasound. It was now a week since the first. Baby a (matthew) was measuring 4w2d. Baby b (mark) was measuring 5w2d. I was now over seven weeks pregnant. My blood work was all over the maps, including the fact my cortisol levels were over the moon.

After my final blood draw, where my levels had not increased or decreased in two draws, my doctor told me that I was looking at a miscarriage. I could wait it out, where my body could keep trying to develop the babies, increasing the stress on my body and causing me to produce more cortisol, or I could opt for termination. I requested my blood work, and did some research. The cortisol levels in my body could cause a miscarriage, weight gain, and even tissue damage to me. My thyroid levels had dropped so far down they were worried if it was even working (my levels with out medication are just below the expected levels, so not that bad). Weighing the pros and cons, I agreed to termination. But I warned everyone, if my final test results came back with promising results, I would not go through with it.

On August 24th at 9w2d I had my final blood draw and u/s. Baby a had no heart beat and was measuring 4w4d. Baby b was measuring 5w6d with a heart rate that steadily declined during the us from 60 to 30 and stayed low for over 10 minutes. Over two weeks had passed since the last u/s and things should have looked much different. I chose to go through with the procedure.

Fast forward to February 2008. My new doctor in Halifax had been able to finally secure the testing my other doctor had requested. Because we'd opted to avoid the D&C, I'd had to go to the hospitals abortion clinic for the Suction option. This means all my medical records pertaining to the procedure are sealed and private. But after some arguing with the hospital, we got the genetic results. I HAD ANSWERS. My babies were both diagnosed with Trisomy 8 complete. They had 0 chance of survival, and it was confirmed I'd made the right decision. My body could have carried on, fighting with itself and the babies, until Marks heart had survived. Babies with Trisomy 8 complete are always miscarried or result in a post 16 week stillbirth.

In April of 2008, after two months of positive tests right before AF was supposed to show, I passed a large painful clot during AF. I could see what it was just from looking at it, but I rushed to my dr who confirmed in my hand I held an 8 week embryo and "placenta". Because AF had started the month before, I had figured I'd had a chemical pregnancy and put in my next month of Nuva Ring. If I hadn't put in the ring, there was a better chance I would not have miscarried the 2nd month. After testing I found out I'd lost a little girl who'd measured a perfect 8 weeks, however the other tissue was measuring insufficient. The nuva ring had done its job in making my periods shorter and lighter... and had cost me another baby, a daughter this time.. I called her Mattie.

The same afternoon I'd lost Mattie, I got a phone call from my ex (father of the twins) he needed my help, his GF was losing a baby, a baby they were going to keep. She wouldn't go to the hospital. I got him to come get me, and I went to talk to her. She was literally hemmoraging and I did convince her to go to the hospital. She went by ambulace with her mother, I drove my ex's car with her father and him to the hospital. She insisted on laboring naturally (she thought she was 19 weeks) and after five hours she gave birth to a little girl who was still born. The doctor approached me, and asked if I would give permission to have my records pulled to compare fetal test results to. So I got even more news. My boys didn't die of a fluke, they died of a genetic trait passed down from their father. My ex, who'd had some weird unexplained health problems as a kid, had Partial Trisomy 8, which can go undetected in .09% of people with it. However, it can be passed as complete Tris 8 to offspring.

On April 8th 2008 I held two angels in my hands. Mattie Anne and Madison Ashley (she insisted on calling her after me). My ex also got his first look at the information on his sons, information he'd avoided seeing. Before my loss I'd assumed they were a boy and a girl, so I'd named them Matthew and Madison, but had changed it to Matthew and Mark in February. I found it very fitting that after they'd signed the certificate for their daughter, he realized it was the same name I'd chosen.

I just had my third angelversary of my boys... and I'm doing better than I have in a long time. I know it will hurt when Mattie's angelversry and EDD are here.. but I'll survive, because I have three of the best guardian angels I could ever ask for looking out for me! And to top it off, Mattie has a half sister (her father and someone I know had a still born daughter together) and Matthew and Mark have a half sister! So they're not alone! yay!

So that's my story.
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~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew&Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel|&Dee 01/19/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

Me: Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, Insulin resistant
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015
Attempting vitamins for remainder of 2014
Weight loss goal #1 - 10% body weight 23.4lbs - accomplished July 13 2014
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  #5  
September 10th, 2008, 07:27 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I am Beckie, soon to be 34, my Dh is Joel, 36. We have been together since 1992, married in 2001. We decided to start TTC in late 2004 & I got pg right off. I didn't realize it at first though because I thought it was a return of ovarian cysts, since I had been on BCP for several years to control them & had just come off. SO although we weren't preventing - we hadn't official starte "trying" yet. I felt soooo lucky when I found out. I told everyone. About a week later I started to spot & that quickly became bleeding. I ended up mcing on Mar 14, 2005. It wasn't until I mc'd that I found out i was carrying twins - so most people IRL don't know that part - since it seemed pointless to tell them after the fact. We waited the 3 months the Dr recommended before trying again. I got pg the following July & mc'd in August. That was a very difficult thing for me eotionally - as I really believed at that point that there was a MUCH bigger problem & perhaps I would never have a child in my arms. We asked to see an RE & started with him In December of that year. I had so many tests & everything looked good. Then I realized in early Feb that Dh's chromosome test never cam back. I started calling around & finally was abl to get the results on Feb 13th - he in fact had a chromosomal abnormality that gave us a high risk for mc & stillbirth. I then found out on Feb 14th that I was pg again, although we had been avoiding. I was devastated. I went on to loose that baby as well. At that point I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do. We weren't really deciding anything really & I got pg again in early July. I finally got my miracle & had a healthy & uneventful pg (at least according to textbooks - of course i was freaking out all along) and had my DS on Mar 14, 2007 - 2 years to the day from when I lost my twins. I would love more than anything to be TTC right now - but I am understandably fearful - since my odds aren't any better than before. Right now we do plan to TTC in about 2 months. I hope my heart is ready.
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #6  
September 13th, 2008, 04:35 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Hi, I'm Rhonda and I am an old timer here. As a matter of fact I am one of the senior citizens I am 39 and married to DH Bill who is 41. We have bee together for 21 years and have 2 living children, Brandon is 19 and Nicholas is 27 months. In between the two boys we suffered 7 years of infertility followed by 5 years of re-current miscarriage. My first loss occured in September of 1993 when Brandon was 4 years old. After that first loss we tried very hard to get pg with no success. So for those 7 years we couldn't get pregnant and I spent every month on my knees in the bathroom with an HPT in front of me, praying for a line. Then crushed and destroyed when cycle after cycle (84 total) I got a BFN. My Dr.s did some testing and put me on Clomid for about 6 months (until I couldn't afford it anymore and my DH said it made me kinda moody) so we decided in 1999 that maybe we were meant to have just one child.
In April of 2000 I noticed I hadn't had a period in a few months and I wasn't feeling well so I took a HPT (which I swore off after the bout with infertility) and it came up BFP. We were really shocked and happy about it. All those years we tried so hard and couldn't and now we weren't trying and we did. In May of 2000 I began to bleed and rushed to the hospital where I had my 2nd miscarriage. It was truly devestating. How could God do this to us? It's like teasing a hungry tiger with a piece of raw meat. Now we were in "baby mode" again and began trying and testing again. I had a new Dr. who was doing some tests that my previous one didn't do. I had every kind of blood test imaginable and discovered that I am homozygous for MTHFR and have two copies of the C677T gene mutation. I have had an HSG, hysteroscopy, laparoscopy, endometrial biopsy and multiple non-pregnancy related D&C's. I have been diagnosed with endometriosis which I took BC pills for a year straight to fix. Have had polyps and fibroids removed from my uterus. I have had cysts on my ovaries which have been removed and/or drained multiple times.

After all that I became quite the fertile myrtle. I had my 3rd loss in Jan of 2004, #4 in Aug of 04, #5 in Feb 05. Then in June of 05 I got another BFP and began bleeding a week later. I went to the hospital because I was a pro at this by that time and I knew what was going on. I was told that I had m/c'ed and they did an US to be sure. The US showed a baby with a heart beat and everything so I had actually mc'ed a twin. Ten weeks later I went to my OB for an US on the second twin and we found that baby had also stopped developing and no heartbeat. I had a D&C a few days later. I told my Dr. I didn't want to do it anymore. I was done. My Dr discovered a uterine septum during that D&C and removed it. I honestly didn't think I could handle another BFP and the horrible long wait for the m/c to begin. I decided to go on BCP and never try to get pg again. There were other plans for me though because about 10 weeks later I got pregnant with my miracle baby Nicholas. After a very long and stressful 8 months he was born at 35 weeks. I know this post is pretty long but I have to say that I am so happy that I persisted all those times when my faith that I would have another baby severly waivered. Nicholas is the light of my life and without him I would be nothing. After my 4th loss, I returned to work and a woman came into the restaurant I worked in and told me she was psychic. She said she knew I had recently had a m/c and that my baby was with me. She told me it just wasn't "her" time but that it was coming and that my babies were there to keep me going because the time would come soon. That woman gave me the courage to go on. I think she was sent to me to give me strength and I think I have to pass that strength on to others by telling them my story. If I can make the difference in one person by telling them then my journey was worth the pain.
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  #7  
September 24th, 2008, 07:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,708
Here goes....

I am Amy, DH is Steve and DD is Sydnee. Our journey began in 2003. In May 2003 I went off the pill and our TTC journey began. Fast forward to Jan 2004 and we got our first BFP!!! I was so excited. PG moved along like it should....at 11w3d I had my first OB appt. That night I had some brown spotting. Two days later I had an u/s and baby measured 5w2d. I didn't think anything of it. On March 17, 2004 I had a natural miscarriage of my first baby.

In December 2004 we had our second BFP!!!! Again, so excited. I couldn't miscarry again....it won't happen to me!! Right....Nope. In January we had an u/s and there was no hb. D&C was scheduled the next day. After that we started talking about options....it was decided that I would take progesterone by mouth starting on day 16 of my cycle.

Third pregnancy resulted in our DD Sydnee. I had a very eventful pregnancy (8w in the hospital, 4w home on bedrest)....but in the end, I was induced at 38w and Syd was here.

Fourth pregnancy came as a surprise in January 2008. DH and I decided to start trying again when Syd was a yr old and that was in Dec 2007. However, God had other plans and made us pg before we could even start trying. I started the progesterone this time when I got my BFP, so at 4w. We had an u/s at 6w and baby had a very faint hb. It was so faint that they couldn't pick it up, but they could see it. A follow up u/s was scheduled at 8w and that is when we found out that baby had passed at 6w3d. A D&C followed the next day.

I then had a hysterosocopy which turned up nothing, more blood testing which turned up nothing and we went to see a genetist'. More blood tests were ordered along w/chromosomal analysis. Needless to day, we cannot get our OB to write the lab slip corectly....frustrating.

August 2008 we found out that we were pg again. This was a very big surprise to us....We were using the pull and pray method, and obviously it didn't work. Oh well...we were happy, but terrified. This was the first time that when I saw the BFP was started sobbing. I was terrified, scared, happy. I couldn't believe that I was pg. I started taking my progesterone right away. At 6w I had to see my dr to schedule an u/s. So...I saw her that day and she sent me right over for an u/s and bloodwork. I was 6w and some days pg. Everything came back that I had a 4w fetus. Dr thougth that was ok and we would re-check on Sunday my HCG levels. I went from 400 on Friday to 88 on Sunday. Another m/c.

I have since scheduled an appt w/my favorite OB. She is writing the lab slip for our testing. She also put a note in my chart so that I don't have to fill out all of the paperwork and go thru the crap of seeing the dr before they will schedule an u/s and do my beta #'s. That made me feel good....And she also stated that depending on what we find w/the new testing she may send us to an RE. Not sure if that will happen or not, but we are game.

DH and I think that we will try one more time. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I say one more time, but my mind may change. It is not set in stone.

That is our story...there is a lot of emotions in there that I didn't write about. Most of you know the emotions that we go thru...I am the same. Most of the time I feel alone in my pain...unless I come here. You guys understand and that is what makes me ok.
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  #8  
November 24th, 2008, 11:11 AM
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Dominic, my little surprise. I didn't even know I was pregnant, until I was losing him. I had just started BC, I ignored the nausea thinking it was because I'd never been on the pill. I think that all that helped cushion his loss at first.

He'd be almost 14 months old now.

Sweet Gwendolyn. We got pregnant our first cycle. I was so incredibly happy. We picked out our nursery set, bought clothes, looked at breast pumps, really just dove in. I was just starting to show when I lost her, just a week or so before I would've started buying maternity clothes. My beautiful princess would be almost 5 months old.

After losing Gwen, we decided to try again. After a year unsuccessful cycles, I'm prdetty sure I had another chemical pregnancy. I had symptoms I've only ever had with Gwen. I even had what I believe was implantation bleeding. I chose not to test, thinking if I didn't know that I'd be better off. I regret that decision terribly.

At the moment, we are on a ttc break as we plan our wedding. We hope to try again next October.
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  #9  
November 24th, 2008, 02:43 PM
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I have lost two...in a three month time span...I was with my ex and long story short, i did not know it but he had been messing around with one of his coworkers...I had gotten a bad infection that had spread all throughout my female parts, and because of the infection, my uterus could not hold my little ones...finally in December of 2006, after over 4 months of bleeding constantly, mostly very heavy, I broke down and went to the doctor who then did a dnc and removed all that she could get and several polyps. During my follow up visit two weeks later, she told me that my uterus was so severly scarred that I would never be able to get pregnant again, and if I did I would not be able to carry it. But now I am pg with my little miracle...not to mention i am with a much better man...

In hindsight, I can see where it is better off...my ex was very mean to me and beat the stuffing out of me in my parents house...with them in the next room...He would have probably been mean to the kids, too, and then we would have the problem of custody...looking back, I guess that someone greater than us all had better plans...
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  #10  
November 28th, 2008, 01:35 PM
TheyGrowLikeWeeds's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think about it too much even though my journey is never forgotten. However, I will try to get out the details as best as I can.

It started in 2005...about a year after we got married, and we decided to try for our first child. We knew we wanted at least two...maybe three children. I stopped my Nuvaring in April and didn't really start until May. Well, July came and I got my BFP!! I was soo excited. We called everyone adn told the good news. Well, I was just about to go to my step-brother's wedding which was straight across the US in CA. I was already nervous about getting on a plane, but I truly felt nothing would go wrong since I got pregnant so fast. Well, the day before the trip, I started to bleed heavily....then came the cramps. I ended up having to go to the hospital since the OB was closed at this time. Well, there was no baby there. My levels were already at 0 and the doctor there was even questioning if I was actually pregnant. I explained I tested and retested, but the pregnancy test did have a clear PREGNANT written on it since I use the ones with the screen to be safe. They said if it said I was pregnant, then I was, but I must have miscarried a while ago before I showed sings since I show no sign of having a baby. How frustrating. I felt like they were calling me a liar, but I understand that they are only going by what they can see.

Soon after that, I got really depressed. I didn't even realie I was, but I was not thinking straight. It was horrible. I wanted nothing to do with my husband and I had no real reason, I just wanted him gone. I didn't blame him for the miscarriage, but there was something missing at the time. Things got really bad. He was almost out the door before I suddenly realized that I was the one acting stupid and was about to let go of the best thing in my life. He's been so good to me...never raised his hand to me, has always treated me like I was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, and I loved him so much. If I had let him go, I'd have lost everything we gained wince 1995 when we first started dating and a very good man. It took a while, but I regained his trust back adn we decided to give baby making another go.

I got pregnant almost immediately after starting. This time, I called my OB as soon as I saw the BFP and she decided she wanted to see me earlier to see if there is any cause for my last m/c. Well, the morning of my appointment, I started bleeding again. She had me come in and they checked my levels and I had been pregnant...just barely. UGH!!! So frustrating. I also had a UTI a day or two after we DTD, so I suspected that had something to do with it.

Well, the OB wanted me to go to an RE. I made an appointment but it was for a couple of months later...no biggy...right? NOPE! I apparently got pregnant soon after my last m/c. Funny thing was, I got another UTI one to two days after we DTD again. I was monitored by my OB until I could see the RE. Well. Things looked like they might be working out! I reached 6 weeks and I started to see my RE, but my OB wanted to monitor me as well. At 6 weeks, I got an u/s and the HB was weak but there was one. The OB said it looked ok but wanted to see me the next week. Well, That was it. The following weak, no HB. I was offered to let it go naturally, do a D&C, or use cytotec. I felt too weird carrying a dead baby for as long as my body will hold it, and I was afraid of the D&C, so I chose to use cytotec. Well, that day came and I decided to treat myself to my favorite sandwich which was a turkey sandwich. Apparently my tummy didn't like that. I took the cytotec and started my contractions. I was just laying down with my DH with me the whole time when BOOM! A different cramp started up. My dang stomach decided it didn't like the sandwich so on top of the contractions that were getting progressively worse, my stomach was hurting me and I had trouble going to the bathroom. At least I got through it and I didn't have any troubles afterwards.

The RE set me up with a HSG and found a somewhat misshapen uterus but not one that would interfere with holding a baby. So, he wanted to look further so I went in for a lap/hystoroscopy. He found a septum and cut it out right there. It was thin so he didn't need much more than a simple camera and steady hands to do the procedure. Well, somethign happened during the procedure. Whoever was in charge of watching my health, didn't notice my left arm was dangling, because the extension my arm was strapped to had fallen down and my arm was hanging still attached to the extension creating a weight. I lost use of my arm for about three months. Thank goodness it is fine now.

Wekk, wouldn't you know it! I went to VA because we were considering moving there. I started to catch on that everytime I was pregnant, I'd have a UTI a couple of days after DTD adn yet again I had just gotten over a UTI. I figured I'd check after I get back from VA. I already had the sore boobs and started to "feel" pregnant so I was more than certain I was. I just hadn't passed my mentruation time yet so I figured I'd wait. Yet again. this time on my period due date I started to bleed. But bleed super heavy. and cramping like crazy. I could smell that familiar scent of hormones and I was filling about 4 pads in that day completely. I knew I just had a miscarriage. How depressing on a vacation nonetheless!

4 miscarriages and it's now in the middle towards the end of 2006. Well, we were not about to give up. I decided to give it one more shot. We were going to persue medical assistance if this didn't work. We tried again adn yet again, I got a UTI. Now keep in mind. I did not get a UTI when I did not get pregnant...it only happened when the romantic moment resulted in a pregnancy. I point this out because none of the doctors thought it had anything to do with my miscarriages. My primary care doctor thought it was interesting and wanted to look further in to it, but she was not the one watching my pregnancies. This one seemed to be sticking again. The doctor was watching me closely. The first u/s was a good strong heartbeat. The baby's size was measuring one week behind, but not too alarming. However, with my history, they wanted a second look the following week. They gave me the go ahead, meanwhile to travel to NY for my father's 65th not-so-surprise birthday party (he knew about it). I told everyone and showed them the ultrasounds. We all were so sure things were going to work out!!! The following week, back at home, I'm at about 8 weeks which was the longest I ever lasted. I went in with high hopes for this u/s and felt very secure about what I was about to see. Well, maybe not. There was a blob, no body, just a blob. A big blob measuring at 6 weeks. WHAT?!?! The doctors don't know what happened but there was no heartbeat and no movement. The blob was probably the placenta. I was devastated! This time, I went for a D&C since I still felt awkward about carrying a dead baby around...too sad for me, and I do not want to try cytotec again.

I'm not faced with moving on to a different way of having a baby. We discussed IUI and Clomid. He felt I didn't need Clomid since it was obvious I'm ovulating on my own. I had no conceivable reason not to get pregnant so it was just a matter of encouraging the process. I didn't want to try IUI since I knew I was a fertile myrtle and I kept missing my miscarriages which means my uterus knows how to hold on to things really well. Good chance I'd carry more than 2 babies and I didn't want to have to face reductions. There was no way I could chose something like that. So my only other option was IVF. We got on a program to assist in payment of the IVF since my insurance doesn't cover the actual retrieval and transfer which was very expensive. I went through the protocols and whatever else I had to do and took a looksee at my ovaries. I only made 8 follicles. We decided it only takes one to work so we went forward. Only one egg split and we transferred that one. I ended with a blighted ovum. D&C again for miscarriage #6.

We really were at the end of our rope. We decided let's try one more time. The doctor changed the amount of meds for a more aggressive treatment. This time we made 14, 11 retrieved, 9 splits, 5 were excellent with 3 of them split to 8 cells. We chose two of those and transferred those. Those two embryos became our two little miracle boys we have today. Had this not worked out, we were facing adoption. We never regretted trying that last time. It was so worth it and I will never look back at any of this negatively because I now have the two most beautiful babies I have ever seen. This was the journey I had to take. I hated so much having those miscarriages and constantly feeling like I was failing myself, but it only gave me more determination to keep trying because it was something I wanted so badly.
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  #11  
January 7th, 2009, 07:29 AM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
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HUGS to all you ladies. Sadly our stories are much alike.

I've lost 6 children altogether before having my two beautiful live daughters.

Baby 1. We'd started trying to get pregnant early in 2005, but no luck. Finally, I went to the dermatologist for a rash, and she diagnosed me with thyroid disease & sent me to the endocrinologist, who prescribed meds. After I went on the meds, I conceived within 6 weeks! 9 weeks into the pgcy, I started cramping, and went to the ER. They told me it was nothing, and the baby had a heartbeat though was still undersize. They told me once the baby has a heartbeat, there's a 90% chance everything is fine. Looking back I now understand it was a warning sign that the US tech & doctor said I wasn't as far along as I was (I knew when I conceived, though). The next day, my birthday, we lost that pregnancy. It was the worst birthday ever. However, the doctors told me it was just a fluke, and that chances were the next pgcy would be perfect.

Baby 2. We didn't conceive again on our own for almost a year, so we went to the fertility clinic. They ran a bunch of tests & did an HSG, which showed I had a blocked Fallopian tube, which they corrected. Then they started us on IUIs.

The IUIs worked great. We conceived baby #2. Same story, heartbeat, then miscarriage. It was heartbreaking. I knew that something had to be wrong with ME since the doctors kept telling me that once you see a heartbeat everything should be fine!

Baby 3. IUI #2, and we conceived a baby #3. This time the baby lost its heartbeat on week 7. I wanted a D&C so they could perform a karyotype. Unfortunately, we found out the baby died the day before our pre-paid trip to Hawaii, and they couldn't schedule the D&C until after we got back. I spent an entire day calling hospitals to see if they could perform the D&C for us while on vacation but this wasn't possible, so we decided to go anyway to try and cheer ourselves up a little. Huge mistake, worst vacation ever. I pumped myself full of progesterone and estrogen to keep from miscarrying until we got back for our D&C, and I couldn't stop thinking about the dead baby still with me. I couldn't even drink to forget, because I'd think "How can you drink, you're pregnant" and start to cry. Most depressing vacation ever. My grandmother died the same day my baby did, incidentally.

Then I decided to get additional testing done on baby #3. Since it was out of pocket (beyond the karyotype done at the hospital) I had to go to the lab, pick up the paraffin block, and send it to New York to have slides prepared & examined. Nothing like picking up your sectioned dead baby in an envelope & Fedexing it across the country like something from eBay. Horrible. Indescribable.

Along came our 3rd IUI, and no luck, no pgcy. I felt like we were moving further and further from our dream.

Baby 4. This was our last IUI before moving to IVF. And, we conceived! I found out by POAS, and that very same day I went to the hospital for a beta test and a PAP smear, coincidentally. During the PAP, the OB said "have you been bleeding - because I see blood here". He even showed me. I knew my pgcy was over. I went out to the parking lot and cried. The beta confirmed, I'd been pg. I didn't bother with an u/s this time since we were only 4 weeks in at this point. I kept up with my meds just in case, but the bleeding got much worse and I knew it was over.

Babies 5, 6, 7 & 8. Next we moved to IVF. By this time I was so paranoid I'd thrown everything but the kitchen sink at my infertility. I tried everything - I went to a reproductive immunologist who charged me $6k in testing only to prescribe me the same thing he prescribes everyone with heterozygous MTHFR which is very common. I was like, couldn't I have skipped the $6k lab bill and just gone on the meds? Anyway, he put me on lovenox, steroids (dexamethasone but I ended up taking prednisone instead because it was covered by my insurance and I figured steroids are steroids, though my RI disagreed), baby aspirin, folic acid and sent me to Mexico to get something called LIT (lymphocyte immune therapy, which is barely controversial and, in my opinion, totally harmless and inexpensive so we went ahead). On the very sketchy advice of Google and I saw a chiropractor & an acupuncturist because I read they increase the odds of successful IVF. I only saw the acu a few times before I decided the needles were too stressful and counterproductive. On the advice of my RI I went on a diabetic diet, which works to calm the immune system. I really think the diet was key. You can get a good diabetic diet plan from your doctor or even off the internet. Even though I had doubts, I figured, it's free and it can't be bad for me to eat healthy. We agreed to do both ICSI and PGD for our upcoming IVF cycle. PGD is awesome. I don't know if ICSI was necessary but by then I had lost total trust in natural selection and was letting medicine take over everything.

The IVF cycle finally arrived and I conceived, which was such a blessing! We couldn't afford to try again. We transferred the only 3 viable embryos we had (8 embryos went through PGD, 4 were found genetically normal, one stopped growing following the PGD), and all three implanted. Then one split, so we had quadruplets! We were ecstatic for about 10 seconds until the doctor said "this is not a good thing", and suddenly we were faced with the choice of reducing, after losing so many babies. All our doctors strongly pushed the reduction because they said I was too small to harbor four babies, and I'd likely lose them all. After going through everything that we had to have a baby, how could I risk losing them all? Logically it made no sense. But how could I kill one? And the doctors were pushing us to kill two, the identical twins, since they are riskier pregnancy-wise. God if I had known what it would be like I would never have transferred 3 embryos knowing the risks of splitting which I was told AFTER the fact "seems to happen a lot with IVF". It was an utterly heartbreaking choice to have to make and we were 100% stuck making a decision. I procrastinated and procrastinated. I probably would have done nothing but then one of the identical twin baby boys (the one embryo that had split) developed severe hydrops/ascites, and the doctor said he would not make it, if was not if but when. You could see it on the ultrasound, he was blown up like a lightbulb, and in the end he looked like a balloon with limbs and a head. It was awful and the US tech let it slip that he was suffering, which made me break down on the table but I was glad she told me, since the doctors never would have. Since he was sharing a blood supply with baby D, chances were baby D would either die or be permanently disabled by a severe stroke. So after waiting as long as possible to see if nature would take its course, they told us to reduce NOW, since the babies were getting so big it was a risk to the entire pregnancy, and by now the baby with hydrops was quadruple the size of the others from swelling so room was already tight at only 19 weeks. Finally and with a heavy heart, we consented.

Looking back I wish I hadn't agreed, but then again, doing this may have saved our two daughters. I'll never know. In hindsight I think, if I was further along, I would have undergone a groundbreaking procedure at a clinic in San Francisco which can reduce only one of two identical twins by sealing off and rerouting blood supply, a procedure my RE said was impossible. Then I could have saved the one baby, possibly. Or I would have just reduced the one and faced the odds of Baby D's survival. I was erroneously told he would die or suffer horribly following the reduction of the other twin which is why I had to take them both, but I later - too late - read a comprehensive study correlating other studies from around the world spanning 50 years which said my baby actually had a 50/50 chance given his specific situation. So if anyone reading this is going through a similar situation, know that there are options your doctors may not be telling you because the information is so new. My source is the NEJM, you can share the study with your doctor and discuss it in detail, she will come around I guarantee it.

If anyone wants to know what a reduction is like I'll tell you via PM. Only if you are faced with that decision.

Finally, 38 weeks came and our daughters were born via c/s. They were so beautiful. I hadn't realized how much I'd been holding back my feelings until I heard Leigh crying (she was first). The tears flowed, as did the happiness.

I think if bad things happen to you often enough, you begin to stop hoping without even realizing it. The good news is, that part of you isn't dead - it's just sleeping.

---

Edited 6/2011: I have a baby boy! He is one year old now. After being told we had a less than 2% chance of ever conceiving on our own, and even less chance of carrying that baby to term, we didn't bother with birth control. And I didn't bother with pgcy tests even though I was breastfeeding and therefore not menstruating. So I didn't know I was pg until I was already one trimester in It was AWESOME to skip the torturous 1st trimester worrying! Ben is a perfect little man. It's so strange to go from NO kids and 4 years of trying to having three kids under three in the house! Our house is like a daycare and is incredibly crazy. I love it!!!

I think a couple of things helped me conceive/keep the baby. One, I stopped drinking. Did you know alcohol affects your egg quality? I didn't! Even a glass or two per week can have a negative effect on your fertility, according to my reproductive immunologist and IVF RE, even months before you conceive, so they sai it's best to stop at least 4 months prior to TTC. Two, I went through LIT (lymphocyte immune therapy). This is a controversial treatment, but only in terms of efficacy, not danger. It's nothing really - the doctor draws your husband's blood, spins out the white cells, then injects those white cells just under your skin (on your arm). Sounds like shots for allergies, right? That's basically what it is. The theory is that some women have antibodies to their husband's blood, which can affect fertility and pregnancy. I have no idea if it actually worked, but before I had it, I couldn't conceive or bring to term a pregnancy on my own. And after I had it, I conceived triplets with my IVF and we only transferred 3 embryos. Also, after the twins were born, I had one - yes one! - period and boom, I got pregnant again with Ben! Those are pretty amazing odds, unbelievable really, so chances are good the LIT had something to do with it since I was undergoing no other treatment at the time of my 2nd successful pgcy (LIT is permanent). Just thought I would share in case anyone is as desperate as I was to start a family and is willing to try anything!
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Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10

12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!



Last edited by LisaB; September 5th, 2011 at 11:18 PM.
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  #12  
January 24th, 2009, 03:53 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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In 2001 I found out I was pg, despite being on birth control. 33 weeks and I had my first child, David. My miracle. he came home with me. I wanted close in age siblings so we started trying when he was 6 months old. Just a few days before his 1st brithday I got a positive pregnancy test. I didn't believe it, I had had so many negatives by that time I was shocked to see a positive. So I kept testing, 3 times a day for 4 days. I didn't test on my son's birthday, I knew I had a baby growing and I was thrilled. But I didn't tell anyone, except a few online friends because I wanted my son's 1st birthday to be his. The next morning, I woke up to find I was bleeding. I went to the ER and they had me sitting in the waiting room for 5 hours. Waiting, waiting, tears running down my face. I knew then as sure as anything I've ever known that I had lost my sweet Carrick. After 4-1/2 hours in the waiting room, I went to the bathroom and I passed "tissue" and I knew it was my baby. I went and got the nurse who finally got me a room and retrieved this "tissue" to be checked by the doctor. I was in hysterics and they had to give me something to calm me. Then in 2005 I found out I was pregnant again. I was scared I would lose that baby too or that my little one would be early again (like David had been). Most of the pregnancy went by with no complication and then I had preterm labor. I was terrified. Thankful the wonderful hospital I went to was able to stop labor and sent me home to rest until Melanie came. She was born at 38 weeks and was healthy. She is my daredevil. In August 2006 I found I was pregnant again, and then I started to cramp. I knew right then but having no one home and no car, and 2 young children I stayed home in bed until someone could watch them and take me to the hospital. I lost the baby, who I later named Rian. In April 07 I was again expecting. I was once again scared but chose to remain optimistic. I believed right from the beginning it was a girl. Then we went in for my first appointment. No heartbeat. Doctor says maybe too soon to tell, so did measurements. 6 weeks. Told come back in 2 weeks. Did. No heartbeat. Measuring slightly bigger. So the doctor told me to come back in a few days. No heartbeat, measuring 6 weeks. I had to schedule a D&C. They sent me for labs and told me I would have my D&C on Monday. It was Thursday. I don't even know how I made it through those days. I chose to name her Faith. When I found I was pg with Joey I was terrified. I didn't tell my family for a while because I was afraid I'd lose him and didn't want to explain it all again. I decided if I lost him I was done trying, there would be no more, and if I didn't lose him, we were done as well. I couldn't do it anymore. I walked on eggshells the whole time, scared something was wrong, scared there wouldn't be a heartbeat, scared he would come too early. he was 3 days late and seemed perfectly healthy. We named him Joseph Lee Howard B. All strong names, all somewhere in the family. My FIL said Joey would be his replacement someday...
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  #13  
February 5th, 2009, 12:19 AM
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Well here is my story...
In July of '04 at sixteen years old I found out that I was pregnant. I was both scared out of my mind and over the moon. I went and had my first ultrasound in early August, and found out that I was almost four months along. I called the baby's, for lack of better word sperm donor, who told me to have an abortion. Well I of course was having none of that. After talking with my mother we decided that we would raise the baby togather. At my next ultrasound I found out I was having a boy. I was thrilled! A little boy, wow! I was in middle of my fifth month and he was developing right on time. I started having Braxton Hicks contractions towards the end of my fifth month. After going in to my OB a couple of times, he told me not to worry about it, and that they would probably come and go through out my prenancy. Well into my sixth month everything was still going fine. I was at a mutal friends (sprem donors and mine) when he came with his girlfriend. There ended up being an arguement (nothing physical) and I left and went home. That night what I thought were the Braxton Hicks contractions started again. They continued through the night and next day. They had started to get abit worse than usual towards the evening, but I didnt worry about it like the OB said. Looking back it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Around nine o'clock that night I started bleeding, heavily. As soon as it started I went the ER, on the way in I felt like I had peed myself and knew that my water had broken. That is when I really started to panic and things start to get hazey. They took me into a exam room and checked me, I was already 7 cm. With my water broken and being to early to really help him they decided to let me continue on with labor and deliver my little boy at 27 weeks. They moved me up to Labor and Delivery with in a couple of hours I gave birth to my son. Layton Isaak John, on November 14th 2004. He weighed 1lbs. 2 oz, and was 11" long. He lived for almost 10 minutes before leaving. Needless to say my heart was broken.

In October of '05 I started having really bad cramps and heavy bleeding. I thought that I was just having a bad period. When I went to bathroom I passed two fleshy type clots. I stood there frozen, realizing that I had been carrying twins and had not even know. I went to the OB the next day and they confirmed that I had just had a m/c. I was so devestated over the babies that I didnt even know that I had inside of me.

Now this is where my story takes a turn for the "werider". In January of '06 I was feeling like I was pregnant. I was tired, my boobs hurt, I was nauseaous with any smell, and was craving things that I would never eat. I took a home pregnancy test that came back negative. I didnt know what to think so I let a couple of weeks go by and took another test, once again it was negative. By this point in early Febuary, I was positive that I was carrying a baby so I went into my doctor and had him give me a blood pregnancy test. Again negative. I didnt know what to think. I mean I had all the symptoms. The whole month went by still the symptoms presisted. I decided to go in again and have another test. Yet again negative. The game of me coming in every month for a test continued until May. At the end of May, I woke up one morning with two ticks on my back. Living in the country we took them off and froze them, just in case. About a week later the spot where I was bitten had developed a bullet sign and was oozing pus. Obviously something was wrong so I went in. Unable to see my regular doctor I got the on-call. She looked at it and did the test for Lyme's Disease. It came back negative but I was showing all the signs. So she told me I would have to go on hard-core antibiodics. At that point I bring up that I think I am definately pregnant (by this point I had a bump that my primary contributed to my weight gain... Hmm... I wonder why?) . So she did both a urine and blood pregnancy test, both coming up once again negative. I asked her if I could have an u/s and she told me that my insurance company wont give one unless there is valid reason, and with out a positive there wasnt one. I then getting desperate asked her to just put her stethescope to my stomach to see if she could hear a heartbeat. She then, having started to get annoyed, told me no and that if I am indeed pregnant, which she didnt think I was, the meds would stop the development of the baby. I told her that I wouldnt risk the life of the child I knew I was carrying. Her answer was, that if I didnt I would die. So having no other choice I started taking the medicine. The symptoms continued to get worse (for the sickness). I ended up in the ER 4 times within two weeks. All four times asking for a pregnancy test, all four times coming back negative. I was then sent down to Children's Hospital (my specialist works with them). They admitted me instantly and found out that I (at this point I thought the baby was already dead) was still pregnant, that the baby still had heart beat!! I couldnt believe it. I was estactic, my little fighter had defied the odds. Its little heart was still beating inside of me. They did an ultrasound where I found out that I was get this... seven months pregnant!!! I was in shock but also abit smug. I mean I had been telling the doctors that I was pregnant. They told me I was having another little boy. I was so happy. Then the dropped the bomb. That I did indeed have Lyme's Disase and that the antiboidics had stopped his development and he was to little to make it out side the womb at this point in time. If they could keep us both alive long enough he might have a chance. At this point my health was plummeting. They didnt know if I was going to make it much less him. They guesstimated that if I could stay pregnant for another 2 weeks he might have a fight chance out side of the womb. They started to treat me the best they could with me being pregnant. A week after I had been admitted, on the morning of June 13th, they went to find his heart beat, and couldnt. My second baby boy had died in the night. My heart broke for the third time that morning. They induced me and after 9 hours of labor, Wyatt Mathieu was born sleeping. He weighed 2lbs. 9 oz, and was 13" long.

I had really started to think that I couldnt go through this again, even at how young I was. The pain was just to unbearable, why willingly put my self through that? But as time has gone on I have decided to try again. So I am hoping and praying for a healthy little bean to hold in my arms, alive and well, soon.

__________________
~*~ Nikole ~*~
--- Mommy to ---
^*^ Layton Isaak John EDD 3-11-05 GOT HIS WINGS 11-14-04 ^*^
>*< Wyatt Mathieu EDD 9-16-07 GOT HIS WINGS 6-13-07 >*<
+*+WTTTC Healthy Baby #3 +*+
--- Godmommy to ---
@*@ Amara Lynn 1-15-08 @*@
$*$ Declan James 9-21-08 $*$
&*& Baby B (Hopin' for Team Blue) -Amara's sibling- EDD 9-19-09 &*&
--- Furmommy to ---
#*# Henri- 2 year old cockapoo #*#
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  #14  
April 2nd, 2009, 01:39 PM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: North Texas
Posts: 12,831
I am Nikki (27) DH is Jim (27). We are blessed with 2 living children Kaylie (3) and Scott (8m).

Jim and I got married Jan 17th 2004 and we threw away the BC on our honeymoon. We knew we wanted a family and knew that we wanted to have children right away. I started charting...it took me 4 months to start Oing. I got pg with our 1st baby in July 04, 6m after we went of BC. We were so excited!!! 3 days after I got my BFP I started bleeding...I m/c on July 30th at 5w 4d.

My OB found that I have a short lutal phase and low progesterone.

I got pg again in October 04 and right away my OB started me on progesterone. I love my doc. He is a wonderful man. The second I got my BFP I was in his office for blood work. The progesterone worked and on June 13, 2005 our DD Kaylie was born.

When DD was about 18m old we decided to TTC a brother or sister for Kaylie. I got pg April 07 and started taking my progesterone. But this time it did not help. I m/c my 3rd pregnancy at 5w 3d in May 07.

I got pg again in Aug 07, started my progesterone and went in for blood work. My 1st beta came back great! My 2nd beta was even better. But then I started to bleed on a Friday. I laid around all weekend, drank lots of water and kept my feet up (we all know that drill ). The bleeding did slow but I still went to the OB's 1st thing Monday morning...Oct 1st. I went back for an u/s and no baby...the tech scanned the rest of my belly and when she got to my right tube just stopped. I saw it too...there it was...the gestational sac. We just looked at each other and I asked her "someone got lost didn't they" she shook her head yes and said she was going to get the doctor. My OB sent me down the hall to a specailist and he confirmed that my 4th pregnancy was ectopic

October 2nd I had surgery to remove my sweet little ectopic baby. I also lost my right tube due to damage and I was bleeding internally...I was 6w 0d pg. My doctor biopstied the "tissue" and came back with good news that it was just a sac...my baby never even started to develope. This helped my heart to know my baby never left Heaven. I told God He could have my tube since my baby did not suffer. I still hurt over the dreams I had for that child but it seemed like more than a fair trade to me.

Well after my surgery DH and I decided to take a break from TTC. I started charting again (but not temping) and waiting for AF to return. My b-day happened to be on CD 42...we 'celebrated' thinking I had already o'd...this was the only time we dtd. On CD 63 (8 weeks after my surgery and the Monday after Thanksgiving) I went to the OB to get the pill to jump start my cycle since I still had no AF. He required a neg blood test 1st. So I rolled up my sleeve and he said he would call me in my Rx once the results came back. On Wendesday morning at work the nurse called and asked if I could come back for another blood test...my HGC was was 82!!! Sure enough I was pg with my b-day baby James Scott, Jr. "Scott" was born 7/21/08.

DH and I have plans for more children in the future but with my history of m/c and now only one tube we know our road will be a bumpy one. But having Kaylie and Scott in our lives and seeing how much they love eachother (and they really do!) just reaffirms our belief that we have to be open to what God wants to give us. I love all of my children for no matter how long I was blessed with them in my life.
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  #15  
April 3rd, 2009, 07:25 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Lancaster, CA
Posts: 22
i've had two miscarriages now.

first one, a product of a date rape courtesy my ex boyfriend, at 6 weeks and a few days, give or take.
second, an unexpected gift of the man i'm going to marry, that i lost today. 6 weeks exactly. we think its because my hormones are too low, as i kept getting negative tests, but was in fact pregnant.

this is hard and it hurts so much. a part of my heart is broken.


Last edited by scaredflower; April 3rd, 2009 at 07:47 PM.
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  #16  
May 6th, 2009, 08:38 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 141
Hi. I am Summer (27) b/f (26) i have 5 kid's, this was are 6th baby. But sadly i only got to enjoy 5wks and 4 days of it, On monday night i woke up feeling ok and out of no where i started spotting brown witch turned into bleeding brown. So i thought it was normal, and later that evening i started cramping didnt think nothing of it still. So about 4 am tuesday i wake up to feeling something warm and sure enough i was bleeding when i had got up at 6 it stoped but picked up full power in the afternoon. and i started passing clots and gray stuff i guess is tissue, cramping wasnt so bad.But today omg bleeding is up and down im not like the cramps so much.
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Brandon-edd Jan,1,2010. Grew his wings on May 5.2009
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  #17  
September 28th, 2009, 11:54 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 10
Hi i thought id share my journey with you.. its been a very long rough road and it will get longer

November 2006 a few days after my 19th birthday i felt funny, i have been with my pertner for 8 months, we were due to get married in the january comming so i just put my illness down to stress untill when we was out i realised i was a week late. I joked hey maybe im pregnant. Id always wanted kids but i didnt want to be a young mum i wanted to be in my mid 20's atleast. So we went to buy a test and i went in to the cinema toilets to test (classy i no ) i was gobsmacked when it came back positive, i walked out the loo in a daze i even dropped my phone and never even noticed, i told my OH im sorry but theres 3 of us now. We both got mega excited, well i did anyway lol. I was dreeding telling my mum as i knew shed be disapointed.. i was shocked that she wasnt it was more of the OMG how will you fit in your wedding dress.
So she took me to the dr's the nest day to get it confirmed and the dr examined me. she told me i had a lump and she wanted me to go to hospital to get it seen to. after 5 hours of constant waiting i had my bloods taken and told to return in 48 hours for another.. so back we went 2 days later and then i was given the bad news that my hormones were only rising by 20 every 2 days.
I spent the next 4 weeks in and out of hospital having bloods scans and being prodded to see why my body was carrying on with a pregnany that wasnt lasting. on December 25th 2006 i finally started to m/c. It broke my heart. my OH was away on training and couldnt be there with me i was shattered and so ill...

March 2007, id been married 3 months when i started feeling really poorly, we'd been trying for a baby this time and i knew i was late so i ran down the chemist to get a test, tested straight away and there it was a huge big positive, i was so happy, i was staying with my mum a few days while OH worked away, when he came back i txted him just as he got out the taxi to say "Hi daddy, my name is SJ and i live in mummys tummy, i havent met you yet but i love you soooo much" took him about 5 minuites to click on but it finally hit him, he didnt seem to thrilled. he was scared, Next day i felt funny and all of a sudden WOOSH i felt a gush of blood, they rushed me into the hospital did all the checks but i felt fine i knew my baby was ok, they scanned me and sent me home, said to come back in 2 weeks so they could just check again.
2 weeks passed and it was the day my OH was due to leave to go on tour, there on the screen was our baby, little heartbeat everything, i was a little concerned as i was ment to be 8 weeks but scan had me at 6, i gave my OH a pic before waving him goodbye for 3 months i warned him next time you see me ill be a hippo!
2 weeks after that i started to bleed i paniced this time i knew something was wrong, they wouldnt scan me for 3 days, my mum took me to my next scan but i refused to look i knew and they confirmed it, my baby had died the exct same day id been scanned. I couldnt take it, i chose the option to m/c at home. I wish i didnt i was in so much pain but my parents didnt leave my side once. I then had to do the worst thing, tell my OH our much wanted baby had died.

January 2008- it was our wedding anniversary and i thought as a present i could do a test at first it was negative so threw it away but then when i went upstairs 5 minuites later it was a faint positive, i couldnt believe it!
It was majorly short lived as it proved to be a chemical pregnancy and i started my period a few days later. i didnt no what to think, i was hurt.

May- 2008- again we'd been trying for a baby we'd moved to a whole new city and was ready to try again. I had been feeling terrable for weeks, worse than ever before so i brought a test did it and left it in the bathroom i didnt want to see i was scared. after 5 minuites i went to check and there again was a positive. I was scared id been here before i darent tell anyone so terrified! i went straight to the dr's to check in and get a early scan. They booked me a scan for just over 7 weeks, the days flew each day i got worse feeling, sick hungry boobs hurt bad, i was happy, 3 days before my scan i bled a little, i paniced and went straight to A&E, they saw me straight away! On the screen was out beautiful baby they dated me at 6+1 instead of 6+6, but that didnt matter, i was allowed to keep my scan on the monday aswell so back we went on the monday and again there was out little champ all snug and warm.. i was on cloud 9, i could finally settle down, id seen the midwife at 9 weeks she was a bit stuck up but she was good, id been complaining about a constant ache i had. she said i was being silly and it was just my stomach expanding, shes my MW she should no. so 10 weeks come bang on, i was cooking the dinner when i got a huge pain next thing i knew i felt trickeling down my leg there was a small amount of pink watery fluid in my underwear, my OH rished me into hospital but i felt fine i still felt sick everything i had no worries at all.. went to be scanned and the dr asked how far i was. so i explained i was 10 weeks to there dates so nearly 11 by mine. he turned the screen and said he couldnt find baby with a US on top.. i knew then my baby should have been able to been seen with a putside US, he had to do a internal US to be sure by then i was shacking i knew, my baby had passed away at 7 weeks on the dot, my body just never told me. they insisted i had a D&C because they wanted to do RMC tests on me and test the baby.
I went back the next day for my D&C and i was treated brilliantly had my own room everything, unforchatly they were to late after the gave me the tablets to dialate me thetre wasnt ready and i m/ced there and then into a bed pan, i was so ill i could hardly move but my OH never left my side once, he caught me when i passed out, id just had my heart taken away in a bed pan, i vowed id never get attached so easily this time but i did, the fact was this baby stole mine and my OH's heart.

So this brings me to now. In sept 2008 i was told i have a genetical problem. a balanced trabslocation for 2 of my chromosomes that affects the growth of my baby and stops it, i spent the last year waiting for help on the NHS here to be told im to young and have to wait a year untill im 23.
so now we have desided to take a risk.. were going it alone. the risks of m/c are high but theres that chance we could get a good egg.

thankyou for reading this sorry its so long.
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  #18  
November 24th, 2009, 02:11 AM
MiSS?MEAGAN?MARiE
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In January of 2006, an 17, I found out I was pregnant. I was a junior in high school and Nathan(who I am not engaged to) was 20. We were super scared, but excited at the same time. His family gave us hell and mine wasn't happy, but accepted it for what it was. I had my first u/s at almost 7 weeks. A few weeks after I started cramping and called, made a Dr apt and when I went in I found out my baby "expired" at 8w 2d. Him and I were devastated. The Dr I had was an ***** and the wording he used for everything was sick. I had my mom take us to this apt and the Dr told me I HAD to have a D&C there was no other way. I was going through WW10 with my Dad and he didn't want to help me pay for the D&C, I had NO insurance at the time because Dad was in between jobs. I went to the ER to see if they could do anything, it was my first time experiencing this and I had no idea what was going on. They told me I could miscarry on my own, but failed to tell me how painful it would be. I was home the night it all happened, alone. It was miserable. My baby passed March 10, 2006. MY EDD was October 28,2006.

After that I wanted a baby SOOO bad. We tried and DTD so much I surprised I would walk everyday. At the end of 2006 I found out I was pregnant again and had a new Dr. I miscarried January 27, 2007 at 8w. I was due August 28, 2007.

I kept telling these Dr's something wasn't right. I have heavy, painful periods. They all told me BC would help it all and make the problems go away. I went on it and it made me SO sick!

In May 2008 me and Nathan broke up and then got back together in the summer of this year. We both talked about babies but said that we couldn't really afford it right now, but also didn't prevent anything. When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited and so was my mom and his mom. My Dr put me on prometrium and had me taking a baby aspirin a day. I was scared and I knew I was scared for a reason. This is when I came back to JM and decided to join June DDC against my gut instinct. When the spotting started and then the bleeding I knew what happened but didn't want to be told. The same day I went to the Dr was the night it all happened. When it started I thought it would be over in no time boy was I wrong. Hours later the pain kept getting worse to the point that I couldn't stand it anymore. I had Nathan get my mom who when she seen me called 911. TMI here but I kept having bowel movements. I was bleeding really bad, more than the other two times. I had a horrible paramedic that was on his 2nd day, he tried to stick me in the hand with the IV, dug around got nothing, so he went to my arm, dug around and got it. He put the tape on so dang tight, like I wasn't already in enough pain. When I got to ER the Dr checked me and the Dr had to remove the sac from my cervix because it closed around it. They then put a Foley in me and send me for u/s. I argued the stupid Foley because them things are HORRIBLE!!

I kept telling the morons in ER that this is my 3rd loss && my Dr wants everything tested. When I went back to Dr they didn't test diddly. I was so mad!!!

She referred me to a Dr out of the University of Chicago, who she worked with and told me was awesome. I do not fear her sending me to someone horrible because my Dr is phenomenal. She also referred me to a therapist and gave me sleeping meds. Nathan and I are now playing on a court house wedding sometime in 2010. People are kind of looking down on me because of but I know him and I are going to be together for a long time to come so why not. We do plan on having a nice ceremony sometime after, like a vowel renewal.

Last edited by MiSS?MEAGAN?MARiE; December 23rd, 2009 at 05:05 PM.
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  #19  
December 17th, 2009, 04:54 PM
Leffew's Avatar is baking!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,032
I may have to come back a few times to finish this... it may get quite long and I have little ones as well as dinner in the making.

My story begins back in 1998. I was 17 and engaged to my HS sweetie. I was young, but wise beyond my years. I knew I wanted children and I wanted them young. My ex wanted children soon too, as he was 26. Well, for a year and a half we tried. I used OPKs and timed my cycles as best I could. This was before I was introduced to the WWW and what doctor/OB in their right mind would help a 17 year old get pregnant?! Nothing worked. We chalked it up to the fact that he was the problem because he worked with heat. It caused a lot of problems in our relationship because we both longed for children. My BFF was fertile myrtle and apparently they had an affair and surprise, the problem was not him. Needless to say, she was no longer my BFF and I was no longer married. 29 days after my divorce was final, I had a laproscopy and what the OB found was advanced endometriosis, adhesions on my tubes that were blocking eggs from going into my uterus or sperm to pass through to even fertilize an egg. He said I was lucky to have not gotten pregnant because I would have had a tubal pregnancy, no doubt, and possibly lost my tubes. I had many cysts and blood covering my entire uterus. He gave me the worst news ever. I would probably never have kids and if I did get pregnant, I would have many complications.

My cycles were very regular, despite all my problems. I could count on AF showing every 28 days between midnight and 1 a.m.

Since my divorce, I hated men. But I found myself having a fling about 4 months after surgery. I was expecting AF to show on December 5th. I was in a self-destruct stage and didn't care much about anything. I was using cocaine, a lot. It fortunately was only a five week stage. So on the day AF was due to show, I was overly tired. Cocaine use does just the opposite. I figured it was time to stop. I did. Three days later, no AF. I still thought it was the drugs, so I passed it off. Until I got sick about 11 pm. This was December 8th. My friend suggested I take a pregnancy test. Knowing it wasn't possible, I laughed but humored her and bought a test. Imagine my surprise when it came back positive!!! At this point, I was no longer speaking to said fling. My timing went back to mid-cycle, which was the last time I saw him. Holy crap I WAS PREGNANT! So he called me about a week after and asked why I stopped calling. I told him by the way he acted toward me, I just wasn't interested. But I was pregnant. He freaked the F out. Told me to abort. Said I told him it wasn't possible. Well, that was what *I* was told. It happened, it was never supposed to. I am NOT risking the possible only chance I have at motherhood. I went on to have a fairly normal pregnancy. Until 27 weeks when my body started going into labor. I spent the next 12 weeks taking terbutaline and delivered my first child on his due date.

I met my next spouse the following summer and we had a slight friendship and slowly formed a serious relationship. We fell in love and knew we wanted a family. I warned him that it may be difficult. Three months of serious trying. Finally I said I need a break, lets not focus on it so much and it happened. Again, an easy pregnancy until 26 weeks when my body started laboring. She was born healthy one day late.

During all this, I found out my husband was using drugs. He hid it from me. We had ups and downs and I left him for a short while. He went to rehab and seemed like all was well. We wanted to have another child. So we were successful our first month. At about nine weeks, I developed a hematoma. A bad one. The doctors kept reassuring me that all was fine, it would heal. Time went on and it got worse. Finally, at 13w6d, I was in labor. I knew it. I delivered my little boy on my living room floor while my husband was 8 hours away for work. They did testing on the fetus and found nothing. That was 1/6/06. It was a boy and we named him Bryce.

We tried again for three months after that and I found out he was using again. I was less than thrilled and decided to leave him. One day in June, he forced himself on me. I told him I was fertile and to stay away. he did not listen. I knew I would be pregnant. I was. I left anyway. I never told him I was pregnant. I knew the stress would cause me to lose the baby, which is exactly what happened.

Enter a short term relationship when we were actively preventing, but what a surprise when my chart went triphasic after a condom slipped off during fertile time. Ugh. I found out on Halloween 2006 that I was pregnant. I was so upset. I lost the baby on November 4th.

During this time, I reconnected with an old friend from high school. We grew very close and had a few intimate nights. I watched my timing and made sure to stop having sex about 6 days before what I thought would be my fertile window. Surprise! My previous m/c set my cycle off by a few days and I ovulated four days earlier than expected. I found out just eight days later that I was pregnant. Immediately I went to my OB and requested testing to see why I was miscarrying so early. After three urine specimens and sixteen tubes of blood, I was diagnosed with FVL and PAI-1. The latter is rare and it works against the FVL and makes the effects about ten times worse. I managed to get on an aspirin and heparin regimen along with 4MG of folic acid per day and lots of bed rest. I got placenta previa during that pregnancy and again at 27 weeks, went into premature labor. More terbutaline. My youngest was born two weeks early, healthy as can be.

I got an IUD after this. But the IUD was causing frequent migraines, so I got it removed in late February this year.

Preventing as well as I could, I still ended up pregnant. I found out this year on April 8th. AF was due that day and I was sick. I knew. Crap. Well, I m/c'd on Easter morning.

Again, actively preventing as we were not ready. I found out May 8th that I was pregnant again. I immediately started my heparin and was so sick. I didn't think the pregnancy would make it, but we figured hey, my body wants to make a baby... I guess we are gonna have one. Horrible nausea. I spent two weeks on an infusion pump for Zofran. I had my NT scan at 12 weeks. A week later I was cramping and went to the OB for another scan only to find the baby stopped growing at 12w2d. I had a D&C on July 9th. We never found out the gender, but my older daughter said it was a boy named Jack from the beginning, so that is what we named the baby.

We were going to wait until late winter to start trying again because we wanted to get married first and get through some more schooling. Well, the greif from my previous loss was too much. I didnt' want to wait any longer. We decided to bump our wedding date to the Fall and start trying right away! Second cycle was a success. I found out September 26th that I was pregnant! We were beyond thrilled. I started bleeding around eight weeks. I had developed two hematomas. They healed quickly! We got married on November 14th. A few days later four new hematomas developed. Ugh. So I took it easy. Kept up with my heparin and stayed off my feet. I even took a medical incomplete from my classes so that I could have as little stress as possible. Everything seemed to be going great. I'd heard the doppler tones twice within a week at about 12-13 weeks. We were finally feeling safe and comfortable. I even introduced myself fully on the June DDC, something I'd avoided since I hated developing relationships with women only to have to say a heartbreaking goodbye when I miscarried. I'd been feeling movement for a few weeks and finally, last Friday, DH felt some small bumps as I laid in the bath. I got a bad headache that night and it lasted through the whole weekend. I also started feeling less movement, with nothing by Sunday. Monday, I called the OBs office to tell them about my headache, lack of sleep, decreased movement and bad cramping. I had an appointment set for 1:30 to come in. Doc and I chatted about normal pregnancy stuff then she got out her doppler. Five minutes and nothing. I started to panic but she said baby was probably just playing hard to get. "I'll get the portable and show you everything is fine!" Never a complaint from me, I love seeing my Bugger. I was 14w6d and maybe, just maybe, she could have a peek between the legs. Well, she put the probe in and as soon as I saw the chest, I knew what I was supposed to see and I didn't see it. She kept wiggling and jiggling and shaking, trying to get baby to move. Finally after about seven minutes she turned the monitor and said "I'm so sorry Nicole, I don't see a heartbeat."

I just lost it. They sent me over to the tech room with the better machine and I got a few pics of the baby and they measured the baby. Growth stopped at 14w3d. Sadly, the few movements DH felt on Friday night were probably the baby's last ones. At least he got to enjoy that one time. I walked out of the office with an appointment set for D&C early Wednesday, xanax for nerves and a box of tissues. Tuesday I was scheduled to go in for preadmission physical. By the time I got there, I was contracting and pinching in my vagina/cervix. I knew it was starting, but I was not bleeding. I walked straight from the admissions testing to the ER and they decided to do the surgery Tuesday night.

The remains were sent out for testing and to find out the gender. I'm trying to get them to save the remains so I may have them cremated like I did for Bryce. We would also like to name the baby. I should have those results by Monday.

We want to try again. Our hearts really want another child. We want many more, but my body does not like pregnancy. I've been told by more than one OB that most likely a child after thirty is virtually impossible. I'm 28 now. We did agree that we will try once more and if that fails, we may be done. Only time will tell.

So that is my story and it is a long one. Thanks so much for reading.

I should add that I am allergic to latex and because of my clotting disorders, I can not take hormones. Non-latex condoms are not as effective as regular ones obviously, hence the 10/06, 3/09 and 4/09 pregnancies.

Also, more about Steven and I. We met the summer before high school. We were always friends in school, but very different characters. Even now, our friends find it hard to believe we ended up together. I was 25 and he was 26 when we finally hooked up. I am happy we didn't get together in school. We never would have had the chance to grow into the people we are now to make this the perfect relationship! We are a slightly odd couple. He loves comic books and cartoons, I love just about anything medical. He is 6'5", I am 5'4". But we are perfect. He is my knight in shining armour. Here are a few pics for your viewing pleasure! One you can see our height difference. In the wedding photos, I was wearing four inch heels, so it isn't so easy to see. LOL!

A candid moment, this turned out to be one of my favorite pics.


Look at that gorgeous pink sapphire! It is my birthstone! HUGE! But amazing!


Somehow the lighting made these perfect! We are having the non-kissing one blown up to poster size and are going to have a collage on one of our walls with this as the centerpiece.





The baby was really crabby and wasn't smiling much, plus we had two people taking pics, so getting everyone to look at the same person at once was impossible. But here was the wedding party. Me, Steven, his aunt (my maid-of-honor), my brother (best-man) Robert (my son) gave me away, and Emma and Adelle (my daughters) were the flower girls!



Here is one of the better shots showing off my full dress! You can slightly see the height difference here, keep in mind the 4 inch heels!



Our major height difference!



And just one more of us, it is one of my faves!



And finally... my last pics of Bugger <3




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Nicole

<--- again!
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  #20  
February 13th, 2010, 11:52 AM
GeekMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,294
I am so sorry for everyones loses. But, it really made me feel like im not alone and if worse were to come to worse. I would have a great support group this time.
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