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Another Loss......


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
October 5th, 2008, 03:55 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
I am kind of cross posting this from the June DDC.... Where I should be right now.... ok, I will try not to get angry.....

I started bleeding and I know my body well enough to know that I wont be joining you after all. I am very sad but I after I was able to stop crying enough I got thinking.... I broke a bone in my foot about 3 months ago and in the past few weeks have had x-rays. I never thought I was pregnant so I didnt think about it. What if the baby would have been affected by the 3 sets of xrays and this is gods way.... well if not, it is a good rationalization in my head right now to try to keep me calm.

Here is where I request your advice - Even if you think I am completely crazy and this is the worst idea ever it is ok to give your true opinion. I am not a person that gets their feelings hurt easily.

I am 39, and am a single mom of 3 boys ages 17, 16, and 13 (and I adore them!!!). I have a great job and am financially ok. I am seeing this guy - we are not an official couple, but it is exclusive. We are very good friends and have been for almost 3 years. We love each other very much and respect each other also. At the same time we recognize that we "arent the one" for each other as far as marriage ect...

We were talking yesterday and he said to me "This is going to sound really crazy, but I want to try to get you pregnant again. I want to have a baby with you. Even though it wont be a June Cleaver situation, I cant think of anyone else in this world that I would want to have a baby with." We talked for a while about this and he is very serious. I know he would make a great dad, he is very loyal to me and has always been there for me no matter what. I already know I am an awesome mom and always wanted another child.....

The baby would be raised by both of us but we wouldnt be living together. Neither of us knows if our relationship will last but we do know that we will always love each other and always be friends.

So, do we try for another or are we crazy?


__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #2  
October 5th, 2008, 04:11 AM
Mommy4x4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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  #3  
October 5th, 2008, 04:23 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Thanks Ashley. I am so sad right this minute... Just started bleeding heavy (not too heavy) with clots.... Trying to stay calm right now but am so mad.... Like why do we get these angels only for them to be taken away? I (we) dont deserve this....

uggggggggggg

__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #4  
October 5th, 2008, 05:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Upstate SC
Posts: 4,443
I'm so sorry.

Go for it, have another child.
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  #5  
October 5th, 2008, 07:28 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
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Oh hun, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this!

As for your xrays, as they were of your foot, if they gave you one of the lead aprons to wear (which they usually do as radiation isn't reomended over your chest unless it's a chest xray) I can't see that being a contributing factor. I believe xrays have been blamed for causing malformed fetus's.. but I'm not entirely sure.

As for TTC... if deep in your heart you want another baby, then have one. Give yourself time to heal, and then let nature take its course. Don't TTC, but don't prevent if you know what I mean. If it happens, it happens, if not, then give each of your kids an extra big hug.

And personally, I don't think your living arrangements should affect your decison at all. A baby needs love, and as long as someone's loving it, who cares if they have two parents under the same roof? Sounds like he'll be around more than my dad was.. and he lived with us. lol.

BIG HUGS, and good luck with what ever you decide!
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  #6  
October 5th, 2008, 02:58 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
I am sorry for your loss ((hugs))

I think everyones situation is different - and you have to do what you feel is right for you. If it were me *personally* I would be strongly considering TTC again - just because that's who I am..
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  #7  
October 5th, 2008, 04:41 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Thank you everyone. Right now I am way to emotional to make a decision about another baby. I tried to keep busy all day but that didnt work out so good... Cried, felt sad, anger .... the whole thing. Took one of my sons to buy some clothes at Macys and started tearing up walking past the baby clothes... Did manage to buy myself some new makeup. My boys are being so supportive.... They are hugging me a lot and understanding that mom just might not be herself for a while.

It was hard dragging myself out of bed today.... But you all understand that feeling.

Hugs,

Missy

__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #8  
October 5th, 2008, 07:12 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Oh my goodness Missy - I haven't seen you around in such a long time! When I saw you posted her I was excited to see you & then felt bad because I quickly realized that you would only be joining us here over a personal tragedy. I am so sorry you are going through this again. I know it is so very tough. I also know how much you had wanted your 1st angel as well.

I think you are absolutely right that this moment is not the moment to make any decisions regarding what you want to do from here. Right now all you need to do is focus on taking care of you and being patient with your heart as you try to heal. make sure you are pampering yourself as much as possible & taking your vitamins, eating well, etc. It can become very easy to slip into a haze & forget about taking care of you. When it comes to TTC again - the truth is only we each can decide what we feel is right for us & what we feel is best for us, for our families, for any future babies. I am certain in the end you will do what you feel works best in all those arenas. You have a heart of gold & you are a really loving & giving person. I am sure whatever you decide that will remain to be true.

I am really glad to see you girl - I wish it were under MUCH better circumstances!

Much love!
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  #9  
October 5th, 2008, 11:32 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Missy, I am sooo sorry you are going through another loss. It is truly the most heart breaking experience.

As for the x-ray, if it helps your healing to rationalize the loss then by all means find a reason. I had x-rays of my pelvic area during the first 6 weeks of my pregnancy with my baby boy and had absolutely no lasting effect because the level of radiation is so short and low. It would take prolonged heavy radiation to cause a problem and at that it causes possible defects but not miscarriage. Please don't believe that your x-rays caused your miscarriage.

As for TTC, I understand the desire to begin again and you certainly do not have time on your side. I can say that because I'm 39 too and I know how risky pregnancy can be as you get older. Just as everyone else has said, a child needs love and as long as you have an abundance of it then I see no reason not to bring a child into a loving and caring home.

Good luck and keep us posted on your healing.
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  #10  
October 7th, 2008, 04:16 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Hi all -

Beck- its great seeing you again - Yea it sucks why I am here but I did miss my JM family.

Hurting alot and just trying to take care of myself right now... Just wishing my baby was still with me. But with the loss being only 2 days past I am trying to go easy on myself and my emotions.

Love to you all.

Missy
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



Reply With Quote
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