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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
October 18th, 2008, 08:19 PM
mom2njia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am feeling pretty pathetic right now, for some reason today i am feeling really down. This may sound awful and please no one with an early loss take offense. I am in mourning of yet another loss last month, my 4th in a row. But instead of grieving for this baby, each loss brings back the feelings of losing Kai. Today I keep remembering the days leading up to his birth and passing and the long horrible 5 days I spent trying to give birth to him. I do ache for these babies but I hadnt felt them move or seen them wiggle on the ultrasound over and over. And now I feel like I may never have another baby.
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  #2  
October 19th, 2008, 05:13 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wouldnt concider you pathetic, rather grieving as we all have. A loss is never easy no matter what the situation. I am sorry you are going through this.

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  #3  
October 19th, 2008, 10:22 AM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You feel how you feel and that is okay. Every loss is different and can effect us differently. The m/c's I had at 12 weeks and 10 weeks were much worse for me than the one that was around 5 or 6 weeks, and I never saw a baby on the u/s with any of them (my first 2 were dx'ed as b/o's).
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  #4  
October 19th, 2008, 12:29 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Austin, TX
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You are not pathetic. Please don't feel that way.

I have grieved for each loss differently too. My most difficult loss was my third, not my fourth. I think it's because he was with us the longest. When we had the fourth miscarriage I almost felt like I was just waiting for the ball to drop. I was so scared I never felt hope. With our third baby, we saw the heartbeat, we were further along then we'd ever been before, we finally felt hope. For these reasons, I think his loss was the hardest.

Please don't be hard on yourself.
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TTC 3/07
m/c - 7/29/07 (5w4d)
m/c - 10/8/07 (6w4d)
m/c - 2/27/08 (11w5d)
m/c - 6/20/08 (7w2d)
9/08 - IVF w/ PGD: Cycle cancelled, not enough mature follies
10/08 - IVF w/ PGD: Cycle cancelled, ovulated on my own
12/08 - IVF w/ PGD: BFP!
Owen Royce...born August 28, 2009

1/10 IVF w/ PGD: 1 egg fertilized, so no PGD
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  #5  
October 20th, 2008, 03:38 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with the other ladies - there is no reason to be hard on yourself or feel bad for your feelings. Sometimes we don't even know why we feel the way we do.... For me my 2nd mc was the hardest & it was my earliest. I think it all depends. I also think it is natural that your mc's would bring you back to missing Kai even more. Pain does that to us - it takes us back to all things painful... Many people find that when they loose a baby (moms or dads) that it can bring up many emotions & also bring up others they have lost. Anytime you are dealing with the pain of loss, everyone you have lost seems somewhat entwined to me. I could never really just grieve the one I lost, I always ended up having old feelings, memories & thoughts come up as well. It seems natural to me that your focus would be on Kai, particularly because these angels don't give you much of anything to hold onto unfortunately. It is hard to focus on someone you have never seen, felt, touched....

I am so sorry you have been through so much loss & so sorry you are having a particularly hard time right now. Please know we are here for you in whatever capacity you need us.

Much love!
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #6  
October 21st, 2008, 06:49 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
You are ABSOLUTELY NOT pathetic. As all the women have stated above, I agree each loss can feel different. My second was the worst. It was the catalyst into a very deep depression for me. I am so sorry you are feeling the pain over and over. I wish there was more I/we could do. I hope talking helps. We're here to listen anytime.
(((HUGS)))
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