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Struggling to find reason


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
November 20th, 2008, 09:07 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Is there anything in particular you've struggled with since your losses?

Before my miscarriages, I used to believe everything happened for a reason. Now, I have a hard time with that. I just cannot accept there was a reason for my babies to be yanked away. I cannot fathom why I (or anyone else) has to feel this pain.

It's been almost a year since I lost Gwen and it is still so hard! I know it will get better, and I do have a lot of good days, but I'm so sick of the bad. The holidays aren't making it any easier either.
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  #2  
November 20th, 2008, 03:07 PM
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The thing I have a problem with is seeing other women having a m/c. I work in a hospital ER and unfortunatly I have to see it a few times a week and know the pain that the women are going through and it breaks my heart.
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  #3  
November 20th, 2008, 05:34 PM
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Mostly I struggle with the what ifs, and watching everyone around me having babies while I'm standing here with an empty womb, and empty arms.

I can't really get into in detail, since Mattie's EDD I'm feeling detached from my losses, and I'm not sure why.
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  #4  
November 21st, 2008, 09:09 PM
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Right now I mostly struggle with the idea of trying again....and starting all over & what that will be like now. I think I have just felt so blessed to have Ds I havent' been all that willing to let myself be vulnerable again.

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  #5  
November 23rd, 2008, 05:08 AM
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My question to God is always, "WHY???". That is what I have always struggled with. What I have I done in my life that is so bad that He would take my babies away from me?
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  #6  
November 24th, 2008, 11:21 AM
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Quote:
The thing I have a problem with is seeing other women having a m/c. I work in a hospital ER and unfortunatly I have to see it a few times a week and know the pain that the women are going through and it breaks my heart.[/b]
That must be really hard. On the bright side, there is someone there that can relate to what the woman is going through.

Quote:
My question to God is always, "WHY???". That is what I have always struggled with. What I have I done in my life that is so bad that He would take my babies away from me?[/b]
I have asked that many times.
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  #7  
November 25th, 2008, 12:28 AM
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Quote:
My question to God is always, "WHY???". That is what I have always struggled with. What I have I done in my life that is so bad that He would take my babies away from me?[/b]
I used to ask this too... then I decided God doesn't control everything that happens, good or bad. He simply made us, & gave us the strength to carry on in the face of adversity and cries with us when bad things happen. At least this is how I like to think of it, though I'm not much of a church goer. I would just hate to think of God as someone who makes people suffer on purpose, I can't believe that.

There were a lot of things people would say that just made me angry and sad. Things like, think positively (as if my thinking negatively caused miscarriage?) and everything happens for a reason. I think miscarriage proves things DON'T happen for a reason. Not a good reason anyway. But, really nothing anyone said made me feel better except for one thing.

I say this a lot on this board, but a friend told me once that she thinks babies who are lost to miscarriage are actually baby spirits in Heaven who wanted to know what human love was like. So, they picked the very best parents they could, and visited them for a brief time. Then, when they experienced that love, they were very happy and content, and went back to heaven. Hearing this was the only thing that has ever made me feel better about my miscarriages, since I loved each and every one of my babies with all my heart. I know we all loved our babies, so they are very lucky angel babies in that way. I hope we all find some peace and comfort soon.
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  #8  
November 27th, 2008, 11:26 AM
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In the past I also struggled with WHY, trying to find medical REASONS.
Now I am in the peace with me and with the world around me.
What will be will be.
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