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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
December 16th, 2008, 12:04 PM
MrsRestivo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Highlands Ranch, CO
Posts: 1,012
I had my D&C last Tuesday... and today is the first day I've left my house.

I'm so flippin depressed. I don't want to be in public. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see pregnant women or women with their children. I'm mad and I'm hurt and I know its not their fault, but I don't want to see them. I haven't worked. I'm in sales and I don't want to put on a smile. My husband keeps telling me it is what it is and I can't change it, but I just want to go back a couple weeks and be able to feel that little bump in my tummy and rub it and love it and sing to it and read to it, and feel like I'm going to be a mommy to a beautiful baby.

Am I ever going to feel better?

Mrs. R
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  #2  
December 16th, 2008, 12:44 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Yes, it does slowly get better, though it will never go completely away. It has been nearly a year since my last loss and there are days I'm fine and there are days that everyone/thing I see makes me want to bawl like it was yesterday. I hope your work is as understanding as mine. (I work for Sears.) Obviously, I can't just not do my job, but if I can get coverage on a bad day, they don't mind if I take a minute in the breakroom to myself. I'm needing this less and less. Now usually, I'll just turn away from whatever is upsetting me. If possible, I will have a coworker ring a pregnant woman or family with children around the age mine should be.

I know it's only been a week, but have you thought about naming your little one? It really helped me get some closure when I named my little ones.

Another thing that helped me (and I know this isn't the case for everyone) was just FORCING myself to get out of the house.

Just know what you are going through is completely normal. Take your time in your grief and healing process; it will slowly get better.
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  #3  
December 16th, 2008, 02:48 PM
MrsRestivo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Highlands Ranch, CO
Posts: 1,012
I call it my little firecracker. We picked out both boy and girl names, but I really like them and want to use them.

I work for Aflac as an Independent Agent, so I make my own schedule and its only hurting me when I don't go out.

I actually did force myself to get out and work today and had a FABULOUS day! I put on a smile and made myself do it, and I set 3 appointments- which is how I make my money. Its also the first day I got out of bed and got myself ready so I feel good.

Hopefully it gets easier because I can't keep feeling like this.

Thanks for the support Augie...

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  #4  
December 16th, 2008, 04:25 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Its been 1-1/2 yrs since my last loss. I have fewer rough days now than I did then but every once in a while, when I see a baby at my moms groups that was born the same time my baby was due I just have to step away.

Shortly after my last loss my neice was born and I didn't even want to HOLD her. I was so angry at my SIL for having a healthy baby when the only reason she even got pg was reasons that made me angry. Then one day I had to hold her. She was screaming and my SIL was struggling to breathe and I picked her up and just cried. But then, slowly, I decided that I had to believe that this wasn't the end of my world, even though I felt like it was. I had to go back to working the Church Nursery, I had to be part of life again and not just pass through it like I had been doing.

It has gotten better. The pain is always there, just less. I still miss my angels, but I found ways to cope. I journalled alot. It helped. I wrote a lot of poems about my angels and that helped me to heal. I still have those days when I see children the ages my angels should be that just hits me hard, but its not as hard and not as often and instead of being resentful (which I was) I say a little prayer for the child I saw and the child I lost.
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  #5  
December 16th, 2008, 04:54 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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You're welcome, sweetie. PM me anytime.
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  #6  
December 16th, 2008, 05:43 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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HUGS hun.

What you did, forcing yourself to get up and go out and put on a smile is the only way that you're going to get anywhere. So bravo for doing it so fast!

it will get better. Everyone around me had babies after my loss, so it was like big knives stabbing me all the time! But holding my first baby made me feel so much better, and It's been all up hill since

HUGS
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Hope 07/22/2012@4w1d, Konnor 11/24/2012@3w6d,"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d, Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d, Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d, "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d

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  #7  
December 17th, 2008, 03:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,708
It has brought tears to my eyes reading your post. I have been there and I know exactly what you are feeling. Getting up and forcing yourself to get out of the house is a step in the right direction. I know that moving forward everyday seems impossible, but it does get better. You will never forget your angel!!!! But moving forward day to day gets easier.

A story from me.....Less than a week after my 2nd loss my cousin was having a baby shower and I "HAD" to go. Pressure from family, etc. The last thing that I wanted to do was go and celebrate someone's baby!!! I went.....and I made it thru....until I walked out the door to come home. Then the tears started....and they wouldn't stop. I cried the rest of the day, yelled, screamed, asked they why questions....It felt so good to get it out!!!! That was the day of the starting of my healing from my 2nd loss.

Hugs to you!!!! Come and join us when you can!!! We try and give the best support that we know how.
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