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It's been a long time since I felt depressed about my angels - for the most part they are the least of my worries - I have other things that are on my mind (god that sounds awful of me doesn't it)...
... but today for some reason - I don't know, maybe it's my bad mood - I'm just missing my angels. I don't have any anniversaries coming up until May, so it's not like that is the reason. I just miss them though. Yesterday or the day before I had a moment where I missed my angel who I lost last - Addison, and being honest, I didn't really feel the need to mourn when I lost her, because it was such awful timing for a pregnancy - and I was considering having a termination... As it was I miscarried, so that decision was taken out of my hands - which I have to say I'm glad of.
Right now it is dark outside, there is thunder & lightning & it is raining - whenever the weather is like this, it makes me think of my angels, and I feel as though it is my angels' way of communicating with me. Weird, yes - but it gives me some peace.
Maybe part of what I am feeling is stemming from the fact that lately, I have wanted so badly to be able to make Gaby a big sister - so she can have a sibling to play with & grow up with.. but that obviously isn't going to happen. Me & Tim have only been together a month, so it isn't like it's something I can bring up with him! Plus he has a 5mo son, so I doubt he'd be wanting another child anytime soon....
AND THEN I feel like poop for complaining about wanting ANOTHER baby, when there are so many women on here who are still waiting for their miracle baby.....
I know how you feel about feeling torn. The twins were going to be a possible termination before I lost them, so sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be upset about them being gone... but we're human.. and we loved them regardless.
LOL.. you're young, Gaby's young, you have lots of time to make her a big sister!! I was 7.5 when I got my first little sibling, and mom still says she'd never have done it different. Meant I was able to do what was needed to do to help out. I was warming breastmilk the first week he was home! SO you've got lots of time to give her a sibling!
And yes.. you should come in Chat tonight.. I'm home.. so I'll make it in!
TTC #1 together since December 2011
ttc naturally until end of year
May 6th- bfp @ 10dpo ended in a Chemical Pregnancy May 15th @5w1d
Me: Hashi's, PCOS,Multiple miscarriages
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motility Vitamins started August 2nd.