Log In Sign Up

Don't know where to go


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
June 16th, 2010, 09:30 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
I used to be an active member here but once I had my DD's I sort of moved on. I mean, I had made peace and accepted my losses and changed and all of that. All the while never thought I'd be dealing with another loss. I mean it's been almost 4yrs since my last loss (I suffered with 7yrs of infertility and then 3 losses in a 9 month span in 2006 before I got pg with Makenna). When I got pg with Maddie out of blue and had a carefree pregnancy I was floored and felt blessed. DH & I thought we were done and had talked about him getting a vasectomy.

Last month I started getting nervous about his "V" and told him how I didn't feel like our family was complete. Logisitically 2 kids was perfect for us but I can't deny the feeling that we should have 1 more. He wasn't on board and I begrudgingly went along with the "V" last week. Well, a week before I had a feeling I might be pg. I've only had 1 AF since Nov 2006 because I'm BF'ing and we've used condoms religiously. Well, I thought I had evap lines (on 2 different brands including FRER) and 2 days later I had the worse AF ever and it was super heavy and last 7 days. Long story short, I had my 4th m/c last week, the week DH had his "V".

I knew that would happen and feared it. Now I'm dealing with the loss of another baby and the loss of a dream of another baby. I feel like something was taken away from me and I can't have it back.

Not only am I grieving the loss of another baby but I'm upset that I never clued in that I was pg when I was and feel like I missed the chance to bond in some small way too. This has brought up so many emotions for me that I wasn't prepared to ever deal with again. Sure I see EDD's and Loss dates comes and go but as the years have gone on it doesn't sting as much anymore because I have my 2 girls now. Sonow I want baby #3 and feel like I've been robbed of that.

I told DH on Sunday what had happened and how I was never comfortable with his choice. He's always wanted 2 kids and there was no changing his mind until he saw how upset I was. I said I wasn't mad at him but I was upset that he took something away from me without thinking how it would affect me. I had asked him to hold off while I processed my fears and feelings. I drove him to the hospital but I wasn't happy about it. Now I know why.

DH said he's made the biggest mistake of his life and wishes he could take it back. He said there's still a small window of opportunity for us to conceive since it'll take a month or 2 for the sperm to empty out. So he's suggested we give it a try. Now I'm nervous of another loss and loosing our chance forever. Needless to say we had a good 4hr talk and laid everything out on the table. We believe if it's meant to be it'll happen and if not, that's our answer.

So now I'm in limbo. I'm kicking myself for not being more assertive when I told him my thoughts of another baby and not feeling like we were done. The good thing is it's brought us closer. DH said all he wants to do is make me happy and see that the girls and I are taken care of and happy, that brings him joy and contentment.

We're on the same page now (it just sucks we had to go through all of this to get there and for me to realize my true feelings). Why didn't I look again at the tests. I had an u/s last week for the fibroids and they found the corpus lutiem cyst from the pregnancy and a minute trace of HCG so I know it was real.

BAGH!!! I don't even know where I should post this. Part of me feels like a stranger here because it's been so long and wonder if I'll even be accepted and the other part of me hopes it's okay and I haven't offended anybody. I'm just hurting now.
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
June 16th, 2010, 09:46 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,483
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Oh sweetie! yes you belong here, even if you've got kids now. I'm sorry you had another loss.

Hopefully your husbands V will take a while to heal and you'll get another miracle baby!
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
175mcg Synthyroid, 1500mg Metformin
Colposcopy = CIN1+CIN2 cells Polypectomy - August 21st
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Trying a few cycles of clomid and progesterone. FX this is all it takes.
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7
Reply With Quote
  #3  
June 16th, 2010, 10:47 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,556
First, tons and tons of hugs. I am sorry for another loss DH "V" on top of that. I hope you are blessed with that miracle baby before hubby heals.

What about a reversal? Would this even be in the playing cards?

You are always welcome here.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #4  
June 16th, 2010, 10:56 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
A reversal probably isn't an option for us given the cost. It's around $5000 and not covered by insurance. Of course, if it's something we really want I won't stop at anything. I just can't believe this is going on. NEVER saw it coming in a million years. Oh the irony!!!
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
June 16th, 2010, 10:52 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,556
Uugh...that is insanely expensive. I wish you the best of luck, I will keep you in my T&Ps that you are able to conceive your miracle baby.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #6  
June 17th, 2010, 04:52 AM
lindseyp1019's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Fredericksburg, VA
Posts: 5,621
oh my gosh, I am so sorry. What a tough position you are both in. I really hope you get your miracle baby.
__________________


*Lindsey, proud mamma to Kyle and Cade!*
Reply With Quote
  #7  
June 17th, 2010, 06:42 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,613
Send a message via AIM to esparando para bebé Send a message via Yahoo to esparando para bebé
Nykoal, you are always welcome here. I don't if it's been two days or ten years, I'll always welcome you (and anyone else) with open arms. I'm so sorry that you've had another loss and that your DH has had the vasectomy.

__________________

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
Reply With Quote
  #8  
June 18th, 2010, 10:19 AM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the Wild and Wonderful
Posts: 4,844
Just wanted to offer but to you sweetie. My DH also had a vasectomy and We have our DD and I have had 3 losses after it was done. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a miracle baby!
__________________
Me 26

DD A:3 Autism, Global Developmental Delays


Reply With Quote
  #9  
June 18th, 2010, 11:59 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Thanks ladies. I wasn't sure how my post would be accepted. I just didn't know where to go and have nobody IRL to talk to.

Shesadreamer, did your SO have a reversal? I'm so sorry.
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 6th, 2010, 05:14 PM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 22
Nykoal, I'm thinking of you. Your post really hits home to me. We thought two kids were perfect logistically too. About 14 months ago we realized that someone was missing in our family, and we decided to try for one more. I've been pregnant twice in the last year and lost both of the babies. DH would like to get a V as well...he thinks that it must not be meant to be for us to have another baby. But I just can't shake the desire for one more. I think I would feel complete if we had three children.

I'm praying that a miracle is in the cards for both of us, and that we find peace and acceptance if not!

~Amy
Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 6th, 2010, 09:18 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
Send a message via MSN to JessP Send a message via Yahoo to JessP
I am so sorry that you went through another loss and DH got a V. I am like you ladies that are dealing with losses. I had two children, lost our third and fourth and DH wants to be done. I have had to do a lot of pushing to not have him go to the dr. Now he is on blood thinners so now worries . I pray that you get your miracle. I can't imagine you wouldn't be welcome on any of the pregnancy loss boards.
__________________

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie
http://skinny-jessi.blogspot.com/


Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 7th, 2010, 06:51 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Thanks for the support ladies. It means a lot. AF showed yesterday in full force so last cycle was a bust. We've got maybe this cycle and then his swimmers should be gone (unless his sperm smaple shows otherwise).

I'm still so frustrated with everything and can't believe I had another loss and the timing of it. It's like a cruel joke and doesn't make any sense. Why have this new desire for a 3rd and then go through all of this. Sometimes I just have to scratch my head and shake it. If I hadn't had the loss I would have been happy with 2 but to have something taken away like that and be dealt the hand we have is hard to accept some days.

It's been nice to be back. I've stayed off the main board for a long time now (used to post on the graduates board though). It's helping me.
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:07 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0