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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
August 10th, 2010, 09:27 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've heard countless times of inappropriate things people have said to women who've had a hard time getting pregnant or staying pregnant. What's the nastiest thing someone has said to you?
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  #2  
August 10th, 2010, 11:51 AM
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Hmm... I have two. One was an ER nurse (I was there for a cyst) She asked about pregnancies, I told her about Dominic (my only loss at the time) and she replied with "Oh, we don't count those." Talk about hurt!

The other was a classmate who couldn't get pregnant. I told her about my losses (I had miss some class after my third loss) and she replied with "Well, at least you can get pregnant." as if somehow that made it ok that my babies died. Even now that we are struggling to actually get pregnant, I still maintain I'd rather not be able to conceive than to conceive and have it ripped away from me.
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  #3  
August 10th, 2010, 11:59 AM
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Someone once said to me " No wonder God took your babies from you & isn't letting you get pregnant again". Yea...Pretty harsh.

My own MIL told me after our second loss "Well, maybe there's a reason you & Dylan aren't having any luck having a baby..." Wth???


People are so rude!
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  #4  
August 10th, 2010, 01:11 PM
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Just yesterday, someone that was on my facebook (My cousin's friend) asked my cousin why I had to keep posting about my miscarriages and that I should just give up already (about having another baby)...i've heard a lot of things that hurt, I can't think of any right now...That person was removed from my facebook last night and then had to nerve to ask to be my friend again? I don't get people.
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  #5  
August 10th, 2010, 02:43 PM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyto4AngelBabies View Post
Someone once said to me " No wonder God took your babies from you & isn't letting you get pregnant again". Yea...Pretty harsh.

My own MIL told me after our second loss "Well, maybe there's a reason you & Dylan aren't having any luck having a baby..." Wth???


People are so rude!
What? Who would say that to you?

I've had a ton of insensitive things said to me, but the ugliest came from a woman in an online forum. (Not JM, thankfully.) Right after I lost Sophie, like within days, a woman responded to my post about losing her. Her response? "Maybe you should just take the hint that you're really not supposed to be a mother and stop trying. If it's that hard, that's a good sign it's not meant to be." I will never, never forgot those cruel words as long as I live. Guess I showed her.
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  #6  
August 10th, 2010, 03:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ambee View Post

"Maybe you should just take the hint that you're really not supposed to be a mother and stop trying. If it's that hard, that's a good sign it's not meant to be."
I had someone say almost the exact thing to me when Makenzie died (my first loss) Of course I am a mouthy french/cajun and I merely looked at her and said " Gee and your kids are SO priveleged to have a thoughtful, caring, polite mother like you" and walked away.
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  #7  
August 10th, 2010, 04:41 PM
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"God took that baby because something was wrong and you should be grateful not to have to raise it"

That was the worst I ever heard and it was said to ME. I'm sorry, I know what its like to have a child where "something is wrong" and it doesn't change the love I have for him.
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  #8  
August 10th, 2010, 08:13 PM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Reading everyones responses made me tear up...How can people be so cruel??!!
I'm SO sorry for each & every one of you!

Amb- My Grandmother said that to me...Yea. It killed me. Broke my heart. Who says that kinda stuff?!
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  #9  
August 11th, 2010, 09:48 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ouch.
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  #10  
August 11th, 2010, 12:09 PM
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With our 2nd loss, my now MIL, told me she was happy I lost the baby.
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  #11  
August 11th, 2010, 04:50 PM
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"Your negative thinking is the reason for all your miscarriages - you need a positive attitude" (who has a positive attitude after 4 miscarriages??)

(Said by my stepsister who didn't know I was listening) "I'm not going to wait a long time to have kids like Lisa did" (Like I was "waiting" on purpose! Right!)

I think my mom said something like, "Well it's probably for the best", meaning there was probably something wrong with the baby and that's why we lost it, but it still hurt.
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8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
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12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

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  #12  
August 11th, 2010, 05:03 PM
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*hugs* ladies!
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  #13  
August 11th, 2010, 08:25 PM
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I got the "its for the best something was probably wrong" I was like I don't care I would have loved it anyway and they said Jessi you wouldn't have wanted to . I wanted to reach through the phone and slap my sister. Most of my negative comments have come from family . I was told that I have two children I should just feel blessed and stop trying. "Oh well you have two" as if that somehow made it ok to have a m/c. I was told to move on, get over it.
Oh sorry kinda went over board. Anyway I don't talk to anyone about it now except here and my BFF because she understands.
I am so sorry you ladies had to go through that and hear those nasty comments.
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  #14  
August 12th, 2010, 06:45 AM
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"You wouldn't have wanted to"!?! Wow. I want to hurt her for you!
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  #15  
August 12th, 2010, 10:10 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It seems the most common one is the "something would have been wrong with it anyways." Not only is that not always the case (take my perfectly healthy Sophie who died from unknown causes) and a good friend of mine who just recently lost a baby due to a subchorionic hemorrhage. Again, a perfectly healthy baby.
But also, even if there were something wrong that doesn't lessen a real Mother's love for her child.

What is WRONG with people?
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  #16  
August 12th, 2010, 05:01 PM
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I find the mean people that say these things have never suffered our types of losses. Over the years I have deemed them all ignorant and while they piss me off, at the same time I am thankful they have not had to suffer the searing pain and heartache of RPL. No one deserves to go through it...ever.
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  #17  
August 13th, 2010, 09:45 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree, I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on ANYONE. And to be fair, a good portion of the time people mean well and just don't understand the power of their words to a grieving woman. But that being said, people need to think very carefully about how it will sound before they say anything.
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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  #18  
August 13th, 2010, 10:05 AM
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What I hate is people telling me something was probably wrong with my baby. True, this is often the case with very early losses.... but I have anti-nuclear antibodies, and not just a few (1:640!)
I hate it when people are being ignorant.

With this pregnancy, my MIL actually accused me of not trusting God and she Romains 8:28ed me, all because I said that I was worried about having another loss, and that the odds weren't on my side.

I DO trust God, I trust Him to be with me every step of the way and to get me through this. If my faith depended only on not miscarrying, I would have stopped believing after spending so many hours praying for each pregnancy and losing them anyway. Instead I love God even more than I did before.
That was REALLY hurtful to me.
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  #19  
August 15th, 2010, 12:58 AM
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We started trying again when Wesley was 6 months old. With our first loss, next loss, and then now, people keep saying things like, "Well, it's hard to have 2 that close in age anyways", or "Why would you bother trying again?" I have endometriosis and other health conditions, so I knew this might happen. My mom had 5 miscarriages just trying to have my brother and me, so she understands at least.
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