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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
August 11th, 2010, 09:39 AM
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How are you doing? Haven't heard much from you lately. You doing ok?
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  #2  
August 11th, 2010, 09:45 AM
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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  #3  
August 11th, 2010, 04:40 PM
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I am doing ok. I find I cry alot right now coming up on two due dates that will never be. This morning I started crying realizing I would have a one year old and a new baby any day now .
Thanks for asking ladies. Sorry I haven't been around much. I am not on JM much right now. Seeing ladies from my DDC having their babies just hurts and makes me cry.
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  #4  
August 11th, 2010, 04:59 PM
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sweetie. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
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  #5  
August 11th, 2010, 06:09 PM
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  #6  
August 11th, 2010, 08:19 PM
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Thanks ladies. Sorry to be a downer.
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  #7  
August 12th, 2010, 06:44 AM
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Oh, Jess, you don't ever have to apologize on this board for having a difficult time. We've all been there (and still have moments like that). Please, I want you to feel free to post anytime good or bad on here. We want to be able to be there for you in times like this.

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  #8  
August 12th, 2010, 10:12 AM
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Jess, I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. Having these big dates always makes things more difficult. Like Augie said, you never have to apologize to us! We just miss you, but of course completely understand when you need to take a break. We will always be here for you when you return!
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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  #9  
August 12th, 2010, 05:12 PM
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Thanks. I do appreciate my JM support. I do post more on the PL board . Each day just seems to be getting worse . Today seems especially bad. Perhaps because I am hurt AGAIN and can't work out. But I cried from the time I left work almost until I picked up my kids and now again. I am just so angry. I hate August. It was supposed to be different this time. It wasn't supposed to happen again. Rose was supposed to make it. Instead of healing my heart was shattered again. And I really hate that I can't hold them and see them smile at me. That I will never see them take a first step or wave bye bye. That while the rest of the world moves on I feel stuck. That everyone thinks because I have two kids it shouldn't bother me. Somehow they should make up for the fact that two others are in heaven. And sadly I can't bring myself to go back to church. I blame him. Right or wrong its his fault. He could have not taken them. He is supposed to answer prayers. Apparently I didn't have enough faith. I wasn't good enough to be blessed.
Well didn't this go south . Thanks for reading if you did. I am very glad I have friends who understand.
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  #10  
August 12th, 2010, 09:06 PM
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I understand how you feel and it is OK to be angry at God. Admitting it is OK too, because He knows your heart and is big enough to take it.

Dates are hard, een harder when they are so close together. Just know you have friends here who are more than willing to listen any time you need someone to talk to.
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  #11  
August 13th, 2010, 06:55 AM
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I agree with Traci; it's ok to be ticked at Him. I sure was/am. Please don't ever think that you're being punished. I don't believe that is the case. He needed our babies for a greater purpose (though I sure wish I knew what that was!)

As the ladies have said, we're here when ever you need us.
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  #12  
August 13th, 2010, 07:19 AM
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Thank ladies. I appreciate having you guys here. Sometimes I don't want to be a burden on the pregnancy loss board. I guess I figure I should be the strong one for them . Maybe not the right way but its how it seems. And yesterday was especially hard for some reason. Probably because next week is CJ's EDD. I am off that day by coincidence so that works out well. I just have to stay busy and get through these next couple weeks. Glad I have you guys.
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  #13  
August 13th, 2010, 07:30 AM
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*hugs* We're glad to have you! Just remember, even though you are a host, you are still human and you are going/ have gone through the same thing they have/are. It took me a while to get past the "I have to be strong" mindset as well. Just remember they want to be able to support you as you have supported them.
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Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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  #14  
August 13th, 2010, 09:39 AM
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First, I can totally understand why you'd feel the need to be strong with the PL board. I'm sure that they would love for you to be vulnerable with them sometimes, but if you feel like you can't do it there, know that you can always do it here. Always. Every single day if that's what you feel you need to do.

Second, you have every right to hurt just as much as people that don't have any children for every single one of your losses. I've said it before, but I think I hit a new stage of grief AFTER I had Grace. Before I had her I couldn't REALLY understand what it was I lost with Sophie and the other 2. But once I realized how truly amazing Grace was, it made me realize even more what I'd lost with my other babies. I'm sure you think of that every time you look at your 2 sweet babies you have here with you.

Third, I remember also being so very angry at God. I think he expects that sometimes. He knows that we're hurting and he can handle you being mad at him. But never think, for an instant, that it is any sort of punishment to you. I got to a point where with each of my pregnancies I didn't even know WHAT to pray for anymore. I felt like I was supposed to pray that His will be done, but I couldn't pray for that if His will was to take my baby again. I felt like I'd accidentally pray for the wrong thing and then I'd lose another baby. I don't have any answers for you as far as that is concerned, but I can tell you I've been there too and it's a hard place to be.

Again, I just want to reiterate that you don't have to do this alone. If you choose to, then of course that's your right. But you never have to. Super duper big hugs to you today!!!
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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  #15  
August 13th, 2010, 11:44 AM
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Aww you guys are making me cry. Your all so sweet and I am so lucky to have you guys and not have to go it alone. It is hard knowing that my kids should have two other siblings. And when Linda says that she misses baby Rose or draws a picture for her it is especially hard. Jeremy is to young to understand and they were both too young with CJ. Which is probably a good thing.
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  #16  
August 13th, 2010, 12:22 PM
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I can see how that would be very bittersweet sweetie. You are a strong woman, never forget it!
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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  #17  
August 15th, 2010, 12:46 AM
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I haven't hit one of my EDD yet, but I dread it even now. I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through right now. Just wanted to give...

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  #18  
August 16th, 2010, 08:05 PM
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Gah people keep having babies . And announcing them. And tomorrow is CJ's due date. Thankful that I am getting a new pup Thursday at least that is a good distraction right . Off work tomorrow to take the kittens to the vet for their last set of shots. Oh and getting a cold. Geesh! I am so taking a nap tomorrow LOL.
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