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His plan and the power of prayer


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
September 9th, 2010, 01:22 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Don't you just HATE those words sometimes?

Today has left me feeling very hurt and very angry at Him. He has let me get pregnant four times only to rip the baby from my womb each time. He let me think I had healed (as much as possible). He gave me a PLAN. He allowed me to have HOPE. And now, today, He has stolen all of that from me too.

Then to rub salt in the wound, every Sunday, after I spend my morning in church, I get to go and watch a bunch of druggies pretend to be loving parents because they're in REHAB. Half of them there are only there because a judge is making them. Really, I thought He was supposed to be a loving God. I'm sure as hell not feeling love.

Sorry this got off topic...I'm leaving it though because, well, apparently I needed to get that off my chest.

Any way if one more person today tries to comfort me by telling me that He has a plan and His timing is perfect or that I just need to pray...well, I can't be responsible for what I might say.

It's taking all I have not to respond to the FB post about prayer with "I've been praying for four years and all it's gotten me is four dead babies!"
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  #2  
September 9th, 2010, 01:50 PM
Lex&angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I understand. It hurts when people just give "easy" answers and don't even understand.
It's hard to hear those words.
I really can't stand the verses about unborn babies in Psalm 139. It makes me feel SICK that God could really have planned that my babies would never live past when they did, that He knew their lives would be so short. It just hurts. I have no idea what His plan is for me.
And I don't like praying for much anymore. I feel guilty about this. But prayer didn't save my babies. So I don't see the point in praying for what I want to pray for anymore since I'm just too afraid of a "no" and I don't like being angry with God.
I have to admit I'm not as angry this time around at God... because I didn't pray for this baby. I thanked God for the baby, but didn't pray that the baby would be alright. Not much anyway. I just didn't want to feel like He was saying "no".

I had a screaming fit today when I tried to kill a spider 3 times and it got away. A screaming fit that spiders could have babies and reproduce and God doesn't kill spiders, and I keep losing my babies. Yeah, real rational

Do you have to see the druggies after church in rehab? I don't know your situation, but if you can avoid being around them it may help.

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  #3  
September 9th, 2010, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy_waiting_for_baby View Post
Do you have to see the druggies after church in rehab? I don't know your situation, but if you can avoid being around them it may help.

Unfortunately, my sister is in the rehab. Sunday is visitation and I get to take her 10 month old to see her.
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  #4  
September 9th, 2010, 02:14 PM
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Augie,

While I am a Christian, I'm not going to tell you the things you've already heard. The reason? Because I've heard them too. We have also been trying for three and a half year with losses. No living baby. This cycle I was supposed to start medical treatment, but couldn't because of high estrogen. Then I found out there is a very high chance insurance won't be covering it. No money to cover the treatment out of pocket. I left the RE crying, went home, and cried some more. Then I got mad. Then I wondered many of the same things you mentioned. I can tell you that you will come out on the other side. I have found peace, but that doesn't mean there aren't bad days. It isn't fair. I know you don't feel like praying now, but I will pray for you. If you ever need someone to listen, give me a pm.
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  #5  
September 9th, 2010, 02:27 PM
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Thanks hun. It helps a lot, just knowing I'm not alone. (Though I'm sorry you had to feel this way.)
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  #6  
September 9th, 2010, 03:00 PM
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Oh Augie. I hate that you're feeling that way, though I've been there and I know how very badly it sucks to feel like that. I remember when I got pregnant with Grace I didn't even know what I was allowed to pray for. Was I supposed to pray that she was going to be ok, even if that wasn't God's will? Because if wasn't God's will that she make it, what was the point in praying for it? I was afraid I'd pray for the wrong thing.

Big hugs, and know you're not alone.
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  #7  
September 9th, 2010, 05:41 PM
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I am sorry Augie. I have no wise words, I have often felt that way and especially right now as we struggle to keep this sweet baby inside since my body has decided to have contractions. IT all just sucks sometimes, and there's not a thing that can make it better while it does. *hugs*
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  #8  
September 9th, 2010, 07:13 PM
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Oh Augie! I am so sorry hun! I haven't prayed since we lost Rose, until last night. And I prayed for Missy. Didn't seem to help though, she lost the baby. I wish we had answers. I wish I knew why he did it, why he took our babies from us. I wish I could say because they were never meant to live in this broken world. But really I don't care about any of that. I just want to hug my babies and tell them I love them. Augie you have every right to be angry, all of us understand. I am sorry that Sunday's are so hard for you. I wish you didn't have to do that.
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