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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
September 21st, 2010, 09:33 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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Have you/will you tell your living kiddos about their angel siblings?
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  #2  
September 21st, 2010, 10:13 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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No, I won't, because once I have a living baby, that is all that will matter.
My losses break my heart, but since they were so early on, the main frustration comes from not knowing if I will ever be able to carry a baby to term rather than the actual baby to baby loss, for me.

I'm sure once my kids are older, like adults or older teens, I will be open about my struggles to conceive, if they want to know.
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  #3  
September 21st, 2010, 10:21 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm with Amber on this one. It's such a scary world out there and I feel Grace will have enough to think and worry about without having to worry about my losses from any early age. I do think once she's older she will eventually hear my story, but I see no reason to introduce her to death and sadness any earlier than necessary.
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  #4  
September 21st, 2010, 11:00 AM
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My children know about my pregnancy losses, i'm very open and honest with them, and I hope if (god forbid) it ever happens to them, that they will already understand some, and i'll be able to help them....If I ever have another living baby, I will tell them about Ella, and the other two babies before them...I actually bought a book after I lost Ella, and was pregnant with my 2nd baby that i lost, called "someone came before you" and I plan to read it to my next baby...Ella will always be my baby, no matter how many more I go on to have, and we will always talk about her and consider her a big part of our lives, even when we have another baby join us.
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  #5  
September 21st, 2010, 11:08 AM
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I don't really know honestly, but I think it will come up at some point. It's not a secret, and I don't want it to be, I will tell my child eventually, whenever I feel he or she will be ready to know my story.
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  #6  
September 21st, 2010, 05:52 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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We will tell them. I grew up knowing about my angel siblings and don't feel that it adversely affected me at all. In fact, I think it helped me to understand when Mom had her "down" days.
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  #7  
September 21st, 2010, 06:22 PM
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My children know of my losses. We go to Makenzie's grave for her birthday every year, they help pick out a wreath for her stone, the ribbon, and adornments for it. We also go any other time we can get back home to LA. They have made stepping stones and decorated them for our other angels, and that was purely my DS idea. They are spread around Makenzie's grave.
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  #8  
September 21st, 2010, 08:43 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
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My oldest knows about Rose our second loss. My son was to young to understand. He just thought mommy wasn't sick anymore. I am very open about my losses and especially for my DD I want her to know in case it happens to her so that she understands. I also think that with them being 4 and 5 if we were to have another baby or loss they would be old enough that we would need to explain something. If we had a rainbow baby I am sure we would tell them as well since they would be so much younger. I also have tattoos for all my children angels included and my kids know and see them often. I am very honest about who they are for.
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  #9  
September 22nd, 2010, 06:22 AM
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Well because of my being so naive and thinking 'it won't happen again', we told our kids we were pregnant at the 12-13 week mark each time. Then a couple weeks later, there excitement was dampened with the loss of our babies. We were honest that the babies in mommy's belly died and they often talk about how much we miss them and how they are still part of our family. My 5 year old corrected his teacher last year when she said he had two brothers, he said 'no, I have 3' (this was before our last two losses).
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  #10  
September 22nd, 2010, 08:23 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I wanted to add that obviously it will be different if I have any more losses now that I have Grace. I won't hide my my losses from her if they happen again, because she's part of this family and deserves to know why Mommy is sad. But I don't think I will make my 3 losses before her part of her life until she's old enough to understand.
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  #11  
September 22nd, 2010, 11:56 AM
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my kids do know about my losses, mainly because David has been here for all of them. HIs father actually told him my first loss was my own doing (before I ever told him about it), so we have chosen to be upfront. They knew each pregnancy, and they knew each loss. Sometimes David will ask, and sometimes Melanie will ask when she sees me sad, but for the most part it doesn't come up. David at one point said "mom, I know you miss your angel babies but I think God wanted them to watch for Joey". It really helped me... and I know that if they have losses in their journey they will know that mom understands and is here for them.

Each year they participate in the Wave of Light with me. Its the one time each year that we as a family acknowledge our angel babies, and talk completely openly about it. The older kids even get to help decorate our candles at their request.
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