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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
June 21st, 2006, 08:04 AM
Sharon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,170
I have a hard time when I talk about my babies with other women.

Do you say, "with my last baby" or "the last time I was pregnant" ? Or do you say "when I was carrying our first baby" or "with the baby we lost in February..."

I struggle with calling my children "pregnancies" or m/c's", but I know it'd be hard and confusing to call them by their names (yes, we've found out their gender each time and named two of the three...we're still thinking of a name for him) and have people think we have living children.

Just curious. I know for some this may not be an issue, but even between my DH and me, it's a sticky thing.
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  #2  
June 21st, 2006, 08:11 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I usually say "with the first/second one we m/c'd". For me being that open about it makes it easier for me and there's no question like "wait, did you say your second pg...but you only have one kid?" Also seems to make people more understanding. I don't dwell on the fact that we lost them, just acknowledge the loss. I think if more people understand how common m/c is that maybe it will start to lose its stigma.

I live in the Bible Belt and discovered yesterday that we have NO support groups in my city for women who have lost pregnancies. Only one for women who have lost an infant (i.e., SIDS). There's just that much stigma about it around here - "we don't talk about that" kind of attitude. So I'm trying to be open about it in hopes that others will, too. Don't know if that's the right way to go about it, but so far I haven't had any negative responses.
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  #3  
June 21st, 2006, 09:06 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: CA
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I also say "my 1st m/c" or "my fourth loss" when acknowledging them but it usually does take people aback because they're like "wait you don't have kids right?"...which is hurtful just to hear. i mean i know I have no living children but it's hard to admit...it's like getting socked in the gut everytime.
Sometimes I hate people...
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  #4  
June 21st, 2006, 12:21 PM
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I really only speak about with my family and close friends, I say "with my # m/c, or # pregnancy.
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  #5  
June 21st, 2006, 07:50 PM
Kiwi*Mummie*of*4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I usually say with my # misscarraige .......
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  #6  
June 21st, 2006, 09:24 PM
srs srs is offline
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Quote:
I usually say with my # misscarraige .......[/b]
Same thing, unless I'm specifically talking about something during the pregnancy, like symptoms. Then I tend to say "When I was pregnant the 1st/2nd time." If the person doesn't know about my mcs, I tend to not say anything at all. The hardest question is from strangers who ask, "So, do you have any kids?" I always say no, but it breaks my heart. I don't know what else to tell them.
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  #7  
June 21st, 2006, 11:26 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Quote:
I usually say with my # misscarraige .......[/b]
Same thing, unless I'm specifically talking about something during the pregnancy, like symptoms. Then I tend to say "When I was pregnant the 1st/2nd time." If the person doesn't know about my mcs, I tend to not say anything at all. The hardest question is from strangers who ask, "So, do you have any kids?" I always say no, but it breaks my heart. I don't know what else to tell them.
[/b]
One time when I was feeling really anry I said "no they're all dead" when someone said "you don't have kids so you wiouldn't know blah blah"

People are poop heads!
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #8  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:09 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Michigan
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I usually say the "third baby we lost", etc...or "when we lost the twins with the first pg"....

If people are uncomfortable - it really is their issue - I cannot continue to "comfort" people ovr something that is MY loss. If they are uncomfortable - they have to work it out themselves. I try to be tactful, but I won't hide it. Most of hte time if people ask if I have kids, I say "only angels - but someday"...and they usually get it.
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