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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
June 23rd, 2006, 07:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 3,669
TTC!

I think I have kind of given in to the fact that I'm going to try until it happens. I will deal with loss if it comes, obviously I have gotten through the last 4, yes it took some time but I did it...with the help of my JM friends, my husband, and my family.

My fears...

that my baby will not be healthy
that I will m/c again and have to wait another 3 months to get back on schedule
that my baby will m/c at even later date ie 15 to 25 weeks
that the fertility meds will bad side effects for my baby
that I will be having fun talking PG talk in my DDC and then have to post the post that "I won't be hanging here anymore"
Then checking in on another DDC to see how they are progressing, seeing how big I could be, etc.
having to tell everyone that I m/cd again b/c these days everyone has to know my fertility business...

that's is just what comes to mind now..I'm sure there will be more.
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  #2  
June 23rd, 2006, 08:03 PM
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
Some of the above have happened to me--most sadly the DDC one. This fourth miscarriage was the worst--the baby had already implanted and was developing normally. Every week when I went for my ultrasound, it was bigger and I could tell it was changing. And then wham-no heartbeat. I wonder if I try again what other horrors await me--I know it can be so much worse than losing it at 8-9 weeks like I did this time around.

My greatest is fear is that next time I will get pregnant, deliver and the baby will have something wrong with it. Then, like I posted somewhere else today--I will feel like it's all my fault because God tried to warn me 4 times before but I didn't listen...

I really don't want to keep trying, but I also don't want to give up.
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  #3  
June 24th, 2006, 06:01 AM
StephLS's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 653
Quote:
I really don't want to keep trying, but I also don't want to give up.[/b]
This is how I'm feeling right now. I'm kind of scared off from trying but at the same time I don't think I can give up.
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  #4  
June 24th, 2006, 07:41 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ditto what calicocat and Steph said.
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  #5  
June 24th, 2006, 09:35 AM
Sharon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,170
Quote:
My greatest is fear is that next time I will get pregnant, deliver and the baby will have something wrong with it. Then, like I posted somewhere else today--I will feel like it's all my fault because God tried to warn me 4 times before but I didn't listen...

I really don't want to keep trying, but I also don't want to give up.[/b]

Exactly...
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  #6  
June 24th, 2006, 11:33 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I also don't want to deal with other people's opinions.
I think do many have acted like I shouldn't keep trying - and it makes it hard - especially with work - because each time I mc - I need time off. It bothers me greatly that I would let that get to me - but I don't have the best job security out there. In my state - we have "at will" employment laws - which mean that you can be fired at any time for ANY or NO reason. So he couldn't say he was firing me because I had another mc - but he could come up with something stupid like he doesn't like the way I organize things...or simply say nothing & say he's letting me go. And I truly believe that could be a possibility.

I also hate that friends & family act like they know ANYTHING about it - even when I KNOW I have told them things that should have educated them - they seem to forget it all completely...like maybe I need more testing. More testing doesn't "fix" anything. And there are always a MILLION questions about whatI have done or not done as if there is aperson on this planet more motivated than me at trying to figure this out.

I am fraid that one of days something is going to go so wrong & they'll end up telling me I need an emergency hysterectomy or something....I'm not sure how realistic that fear is, being as I have never had any complications, not even a D&C - but I have it anyway.

What if I got pg, had a healthy pg, and then spent the rest of my life as an overbearing, hyper paranoid, annoying parent that feared everything? What if I wouldn't leave my child with my own mother, or I wake up 10 times a night to check their breathing, or I never let them do anything, all because I have some fear of it never being completely okay? And I know I have to get through a pg before that is even possible - but still - what if I'm one of those crazy moms & my child grew up to hate me for being so hovering? How would that be a happy ending?

.....and of course - al the fears already listed - and I am sure a million more if I let myself think of it a little longer.
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  #7  
June 24th, 2006, 05:31 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 5,479
Quote:
I think I have kind of given in to the fact that I'm going to try until it happens.[/b]


My fears are:

Having another m/c (but that is sort of a given)
Actually seeing a baby on the u/s and finding out that it has no h/b
Seeing a baby on the u/s that is healthy one time and then has no h/b the next time
Having a later m/c, or stillborn

I'm sure that there are more, but that is what comes to mind right now. However, if I allow myself to think about what I am afraid will happen, then there is no chance that I would TTC again since it would be too much to deal with. I don't think that I am ready to have my heart broken again, but then again, I guess we never are.
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  #8  
June 24th, 2006, 08:49 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Quote:
I also hate that friends & family act like they know ANYTHING about it - even when I KNOW I have told them things that should have educated them - they seem to forget it all completely...like maybe I need more testing. More testing doesn't "fix" anything. And there are always a MILLION questions about whatI have done or not done as if there is aperson on this planet more motivated than me at trying to figure this out.[/b]
Friends and family sometimes love us so much that they want to help make the hurt go away, but since they can't do that they try to "fix" what they perceive as the problem. As you've told me, I'm sure they mean well, even when it comes out completely wrong. Still hurts, though, and is frustrating - I do understand.

Quote:
What if I got pg, had a healthy pg, and then spent the rest of my life as an overbearing, hyper paranoid, annoying parent that feared everything? What if I wouldn't leave my child with my own mother, or I wake up 10 times a night to check their breathing, or I never let them do anything, all because I have some fear of it never being completely okay? And I know I have to get through a pg before that is even possible - but still - what if I'm one of those crazy moms & my child grew up to hate me for being so hovering? How would that be a happy ending?[/b]
Watch "Finding Nemo" and pay particular attention to the bits of wisdom Dory dolls out to Marlin throughout the movie. My favorite scene is where Marlin says he promised Nemo "he'd never let anything happen to him." Dory responds, "Well that's a silly thing to promise," and then explains what she means. That scene kind of knocked me on my butt, because I'd never looked at it from her perspective and it made perfect sense. That said, I probably do still tend to hover over DS too much.
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  #9  
June 25th, 2006, 09:19 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Fear is my middle name...

I am so scared of another m/c...so scared that the thought of pg again will physically bring butterflies to my stomach but in the same breath feel a desire in my heart so emmense I can not even articulate it into words..

Like Beck, I am so scared that one of these times...these days aI am going to have a loss and require a hysterectomy or have so much scar tissue that it's un fixable...

I am scared my decision for the last d and c may have cost me my ability to try and carry again (due to the surgery I have to have on friday to remove scar tissue)

I am scared I just will never have a healthy child

I am scared that I will finally get a healthy child and Dh's cancer will return (as if I have to trade one soul on this earth for another)

I am scared. End of story. Nothing makes sense.. the world goes round and I have 4 dead children. It sucks and i am scared. And I hate it.
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  #10  
June 26th, 2006, 08:57 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
I'm scared of...

- Having another ectopic
- Having another m/c
- Having to deal with family & friends who think they can relate when none of them have ever dealt with a lose and have no clue what I'm going through.
- Finding out there's no heartbeat after hearing one
- Finding out something is wrong after the baby is born
- I'm terrified that I'm not meant to be a mom and these 2 losses were God's attempt to tell me this and I wouldn't listen.
- I'm scared to tell people that I'm pg when it happen again
- Of running into people that I know who have healthy babies and didn't want them in the first place
- Of dealing with a friend who's due in September and hearing here play by play of everything even though she knows what happened to me.
- Of having irregular cycles once AF shows up
- Of finding out that the Endo is worse and my hormones are out of whack again for the other medical condition that I had
- Of finding out that there's something wrong with either DH or myself and that's causing the losses.

I'm just plain scared!!!
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  #11  
June 26th, 2006, 07:57 PM
srs srs is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
I really don't want to keep trying, but I also don't want to give up.[/b]
Maybe we should get bumper stickers...

Seriously, like almost everyone, my biggest fear is of course that I will mc again. After that, it's that I emotionally won't be able to make it through a whole pregnancy. The longest I have even known I was pregnant before something went wrong was seven days. I can't even fathom nine months.

Quote:
I think I have kind of given in to the fact that I'm going to try until it happens.[/b]
Same. The sense of loss from a mc is a crushing thing, but it's something I think I'm am prepared to face again if need be (although certainly not tomorrow or anything). What I'm not sure I can deal with are all the other people, so I'm thinking next time I'm not telling anyone but DH until I can't avoid it anymore.
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