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I am going through a few of my loss dates and they have been a little hard on me since it is the first anniversary of them. I love my little girl and I am thankful every day for her, but it doesn't take away the pain from the ones who came before her.
Honestly.... other than being PISSED at DH right now, I am doing great. For the moment. I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment of course. I wasn't doing so great a few days ago. My sister (the one who has drug issues...lost custody of her kids and now only has visitation with them....engaged to her drug dealer...THAT sister) called to announce that she is pregnant and then got mad that I didn't jump up and down and squeal and gush about how excited I am for her. Then the issue with DH. Other than that though... I'm actually doing really well right now. It's strange cause I expected to be falling apart like I usually am at Thanksgiving.
I'm doing okay ..... I think. I'm hurt that i lost yet another baby again during the holidays (baby 1 valentines day, baby 2 & 3 before thanksgiving and xmas). It definatly sucks but what can you do. I'm a little upset today only because I found out yet another friend of mine is pregnant - and I know they will have their baby next summer and here I am YET again having lost my baby that would have been here before theirs. I'm so done with feeling this way.
I'm ok, though I always miss my babies. Time has taken the edge off the pain for the most part. However, some feelings have resurfaced lately because of comments someone made in my playroom. In a nutshell, it turned out there is prejudice in my playroom against gays and people who TTC w/medical assistance. It might sound silly, but it upset me and I'm not sure what to do now. I thought mommies here could be happy for any parent, no matter what method they need to use to become parents. It just upsets me that people could be prejudiced against people who have fertility issues (like me) or are same sex (like my sister and her partner) and need help having kids, like saying we can't have kids naturally, so we don't deserve kids. I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt, though.
Sorry if that was off the subject
Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10
12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue
6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!
I am doing ok, except the holidays are reminding me how my little man should be celebrating his first Thanksgiving/Christmas & seeing the little "first" clothes, ornaments and decorations at the stores makes me want to cry- I have been holding it together remarkably well though.
Thank you Katie (.:Shortcake:.) for my beautiful siggy!!
On the losses aspect I'm doing fine. When I get home I'll copy and paste my current thoughts from wttc on babies and life. We're going shopping
~TTC #1 together 1 year and counting ~
Battling Estrogen Dominance, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Recurrent Miscarriage one day at a time
Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/18/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1dKonnor 11/24/2012@3w6d"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d
Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d
Depends on the minute I suppose... mostly okay, but I'm bleeding a little again and it's making me angry. I'm glad that I have my appointment with the doctor on Wednesday, looking forward to finding something out and trying again. Wedding planning is coming along and I'm feeling good about that.
But I couldn't handle going to my grandparent's for Thanksgiving, spending the day gushing about my cousins' babies'... so we stayed home and I cooked dinner for the two of us. My birthday is next week... and then Christmas. There's no chance that I'll be pregnant again before the end of the year.
I'm trying to hang on to the fact that I'm a really lucky person, that I have so much. But I feel like a failure because I can't get my body to do something that people around me seem to do with no trouble whatsoever. My second miscarriage was four months and two days after my first. I feel so emotionally drained by all of this and my body is feeling wrecked.
It'll be alright eventually... I know this. But right now it just plain old sucks.
Last edited by BeckyBozeman; November 25th, 2011 at 11:51 PM.
I'm sorry. I hope you all find comfort & strength when you need it! ((HUGS))
I am waiting for AF but other than being a little bummed about that I haven't felt this relaxed & ready to just go with the flow in forever. I battled depression (un-medicated) pretty much on my own all year. I spent so much of my time hiding it, even from DH. Now, I am able to let go. It feels good to be "back" to being myself again.
DH and I are still struggling. badly. One minute he says he DOES want to have another. then he doesn't. I'm jsut really confused at this. And it is REALLY causing tension in other areas. Add in that he was off an entire week and other than black Friday shopping didn't spend much time with me at all.
Then add in that I should either be getting ready for a first birthday party or be holding a newborn or anticipating the arrival in the very near future makes it really hard right now. I seriously thought I was going to heave a breakdown the other day.