[Augie]

I'm still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have six in Heaven. Maybe once I heal physically it'll set in. When I first joined this board I had only lost two. I saw posters who had lost four or more and, though I felt bad, I never thought I'd be one of them.

I told DH last week that I think we need to start preventing from Oct-Jan. It seems to be an awful time for us pregnancy-wise. Every last pregnancy we've lost has been conceived between October and January.

My angelversaries:
December 31, 2011 (Samuel Kenneth and Katherine Anne)
January 19, 2010 (Jillian Evelyn)
January 30, 2008 (Gwendolyn Elizabeth)
February 2, 2007 (Dominic McDylan)
November 10, 2008 (Aiden Alexander)

(And just because) Our due dates:
July 8, 2008 (Gwen)
July 20, 2009 (Aiden)
August 19, 2012 (Samuel and Katherine)
September 28, 2010 (Jill)
October 5, 2007 (Dominic)

[plan4fate]

*HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS*

I never thought I'd be an RPL person. I didn't realize long ago that anything prior to a heartbeat was considered a pregnancy. I just assumed I had bad genetic luck.. and then I had four losses in 5 months....

[Halloween81]

I know how you feel Augie. Too many of us have had too many losses, it's not fair. DH & I have decided to stop trying at 10 losses, it's just too hard.

[ZoePaigesMommy]

[LisaB]

(((hugs)))

[beck12]

I know it probably won't make you feel any better hun, but I thought similar things. then Jonah was born strangely enough on the angelversary of my 1st loss. I had a ton of mixed feelings about it at the time. You just never know. I remember feeling almost embarassed to be at my u/s 's for Isaac & have them ask me how many times I have pregnant - I wasn't even sure what to say relaly. There are a few where I think I was pregnant, but never had the heart to test - so I didn't - so I can't even say for 100% vertain. Of the losses I know of, via testing to confirm, he was my 9th pregnancy. So out of 9 known prengnacies, 10 babies - I have two. When I first joined JM there was no RPL group & I remember here & there someone would post something about "hope" and write about themselves or someone lese & how they had a large number of losses & then went on to have a healthy baby - I hated those posts. They were so scary to me, not comforting or hopeful. I did NOT want to think of having two losses then, let alone 4, 7, 12 or whatever. And I don't think most people ever think they will go down thsi road. I thought about the fact that maybe it would be hard to get pregnant. I never really considered being someone who had a tough time carrying a baby. It never really crossed my mind until it was happening. I think for ME that would have been easier. I knew people in my direct family who could not conceive, so I was aware it happens and tha tmaybe there is a hreeditary connection & had already decided that if we TTC'd & didn't get anywhere after a year or so we'd move into adopting. I had already thought about that & kind of determined it might work out that way. I felt really okay about it. I did not have my heart set on getting pregnant in any way at all. The idea of adopting instead really was okay with me, completely, and franly in some ways almost sounded good, since I was a bit nervous of the whole pregnancy thing. Then when I got pregnant so easy right off I thought I was so unbelievably lucky. Yep - lucky me. I didn't have a clue obviously what was about to happen over the next years to come.

I am so sorry for all you are going through hun. As cliche as it sounds, it really is the kind of thing that you can only just keep moving forward & trying to heal as best you can. The road is the roughest sort of to walk down, but it is also the kind of road you have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You want to bring a baby home no doubt & in order to do so, you end up risking a ton emotionally every single time you decide to hope again. <3

[Servilia]

[Happy Song]

hugs Augie, I think about you a lot particularly when my kids overwhelm me.