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Our journey started unexpectedly inJanuary 2007 when we conceived our first son. We hadnít been trying and in fact had just started birth control. We lost our little boy before we even knew of his existence. For the longest time, I didnít even tell Chris (or anyone else for that matter). I just dealt with it on my own and reminded myself that we were no where near ready to have a child together.
After some long discussions we decided that we were going to start trying to conceive in October 2007. Amazingly, we got pregnant that very cycle. We were elated. We (like so many others) assumed that we had used all our bad luck and that ofc ourse we were going to have a healthy pregnancy. We didnít tell anyone right away, choosing to sit on the news for a little while. We enjoyed every minute of the pregnancy. Around 9 weeks I even started to show. On January 30th I began cramping and passing clots. I immediately knew what was happening. We were devastated. I made it all the way to 11 weeks.
After losing our second pregnancy, I couldnít let Chris so much as touch me. Even a simple hug would start the tears. Just a couple of months after the loss, I found justmommies.com The ladies there are amazing. They encouraged me to name the babies we had lost and give it time. We named our first angel Dominic McDylan. Our second angel was given the name Gwendolyn Elizabeth.
Not long after joining JM we started officially trying to conceive again. To our surprise we didnít conceive right away this time. (I had assumed we would because of the first two pregnancies). But we still didnít have to wait long. In October 2008 we conceived again. This time we were scared, but still hopeful. After all, I blamed Dominicís loss on the birth control pills and figured Gwenís to be a fluke. Sadly, through, at a mere 5 weeks 4 days, I began the now-all-too-familiar process of miscarrying yet again.
With the loss of my third baby came anger. Chris wouldnít admit that I was ever pregnant. I think it was his way of coping. I named our third little one Aiden Alexander. I lost all confidence that I would ever carry full term. I was no longer sure about the causes of my first two babies.
By this time we were nearing our wedding date, September 27, 2009. We decided (for insurance purposes) to put trying to conceive on hold until after the wedding. After the wedding, I started fertility testing. After many vials of blood and other tests it was determined I had a clotting disorder known as MTHFR.
In January 2010, I was delighted toget a positive pregnancy test. Sadly, that very afternoon I started spotting. Afew days later, it was confirmed with a super low progesterone level at the OB. Her name is Jillian Evelyn. Jillian would have been due one day after our one year wedding anniversary.
The doctor decided to put me on Clomid. Three cycles later we still hadnít conceived and the OB decided I was beyond his help. He transferred me to the local RE. In waiting for an appointment with the RE, my husband had a semen analysis done. It came back showing morphology was a little low but the doctors werenít at all concerned. (Counts were great.) The RE ordered more tests and more blood work for both of us. (All of which came back normal.)
We went for our follow-up visit that June. Dr. I told us that he believes the cause of our losses is genetic (bu tsomething that didnít show up on the karyotyping). He also thinks I have an ovulatory issue. (He has a very thick accent so I didnít catch what he was saying but I donít typically ovulate before cycle day 21Ėa full week later than most women.) He wants to put me on injectibles to help induce ovulation but made us wait until October when we hit a year for that round. Due to money concerns, we agreed to tryClomid with the hcg trigger first. The first month of this plan we added hostile cervical mucus to our list of fertility problems. (For those that have lost track we have: unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss, borderline low testosterone, poor morphology, occasional annovulatory cycles, and hostile cervical mucus.) At that point, we added IUI to the plan. After two failed IUIísthe RE decided Clomid just wasnít going to work. Chris and I could not afford the next step of treatments so we decided to just let whatever was going to happen, happen.
After many months of not trying, not preventing we were blessed with a big surprise when we least expected it. On December 19, 2011 we were shocked to learn that we were pregnant again. Things appeared to be going better than all of my prior pregnancies and my hormone levels looked good so on Christmas day we told our families. For my family, I made a t-shirt with my niecef or her to wear that said ďIím gonna be a big cousin.Ē It took them a second to read it, but, once they did there were lots of screams and happy tears. I finally got to have that moment of joy with my family. It was fantastic.
After telling my family we went to his parentsí house and used sugar cookies to spell out ďC + A = 3Ē followed by our due date 8-19-2012. We were due just twelve days after his brotherís wife. There was no screaming, and no tears of joy, but there was lots of excitement and happiness. It was the perfect Christmas Day.
After Christmas we had another hormone draw that looked good. We spent that afternoon browsing stores and bought a few baby outfits. That night I had a little pain on the left side but it was suggested I was dehydrated. This seemed likely as I hadnít really drank much when shopping so I decided to just take it easy and drink water.
The very next day was our first ultrasound. For the first time, we werenít worried for an appointment. After all, the betas the day before had been good. As soon as I saw the screen, I knew it wasnít right. There was no baby showing in the uterus. I mentioned the pain on my side and she made sure to check the tube for me. I saw with my own eyes, there was nothing in the tube either. Chris and I were sent to wait on the doctor. When we sat down with my OB, he informed us it appeared as though there had been as sac in the uterus that was now deflated. He offered a D&C but also offered to let us wait a week, just to be sure. We chose to wait and try to hope that we just werenít as far as Iíd thought.
The next night (Thursday), the pain in my side came back. It was pretty bad, and I thought about calling the on-call OB but remembered back to my ultrasound. There was nothing in the tube. I had nothing to worry about. Instead of calling, I went to bed early hoping to feel better in the morning.
At 3:30am I awoke with severe pain. My side was now sensitive to the touch. Just getting up and going to the bathroom had me in tears and nauseated from the pain. I knew I needed the ER but didnít want to wake my husband. I decided to try to wait until he was up for the day. By 4:10 I had realized I could wait and woke him up. We checked into the ER at 4:50.
The ER staff was great. They got me back immediately and began testing. This time the ultrasound showed there was definitely something in my left tube. It also showed the sac in the uterus was even more deflated. The bloodwork told us that my hormone level had fallen to half of what it had been less than 48 hours prior.
My OB was paged and came to see me. He talked to us about the spot in my tube and our options. He couldnít be sure that what he was seeing was definitely a baby because it did not have the blood flow you would expect with a baby. He informed us he thought there was a good chance it was just a cyst. Dr. L offered to admit me for observation but made it known that he really didnít think it was necessary. After discussion, it was decided that I would go home, but return the next day (SaturdayóNew Years Eve)for a repeat lab draw and ultrasound. I was also instructed to come back to the ER if the pain didnít let up or got worse.
The pain improved so much that by the time of my follow-up testing we werenít at all concerned. We even made plans to go out to lunch with my mother-in-law when we finished up at the hospital. After the ultrasound, we were told that Dr. L was on his way over to see us. I knew then for sure that this wasnít good.
Dr L arrived and was rather surprised that my pain was so much better. My condition had actually worsened and I was bleeding internally. I was immediately admitted to the hospital and had surgery for a heterotopic pregnancy that night. Because of the location of baby b (the one in the tube) they were unable to do the surgery laproscopically. I ended up with a c-section style cut and 16 staples.
My recovery started out difficul twhen I reacted very badly to the first pain medication and my night nurse ignored it. (Luckily the day nurse had it fixed within minutes of her shift starting.) I remained in the hospital until Monday. That Monday before being released, my husband and I named our twins: Katherine Anne and Samuel Kenneth.
The first week home was very difficult, but Iím finally starting to improve physically. Emotionally, thereís a long road ahead, but Iíll get there.
I never thought Iíd have five failed pregnancies and six babies in Heaven, but I do. Chris and I will keep on trying for a while still (as soon as weíre allowed of course). Maybe pregnancy #6 will be the lucky one. We have decided that if we are able to bring our next baby home, thatís it. We will only ever have one living biological child (except, of course, in the case of multiples).
Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
Last edited by esparando para bebť; January 10th, 2012 at 08:43 AM.
Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10
12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue
6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!
Augie, my heart is bleeding for you. I was not online much during the holidays and didn't realize you had gone through so much. I really feel like I should have been there for you. I really, really still hope that you will get your rainbow but I am so sorry that you have to go through such a terrible ordeal to get there.
~TTC #1 together 1 year and counting ~
Battling Estrogen Dominance, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Recurrent Miscarriage one day at a time
Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum
Matthew and Mark 08/24/2005 9w1d, Mattie Anne 04/07/2008 8w Mel and Dee 01/18/2010 (8 weeks) and 5 chemical pregnancies
Hope 07/22/2012@4w1dKonnor 11/24/2012@3w6d"Emmy"1/15/2013@ 3w6d
Ronen 02/10/2013@3w5d Joy 07/19/2013@3w6d "Pea" 09/06/2013@ 3w3d