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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
July 11th, 2006, 02:48 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OK, AF showed up last Thursday, first one since my d&c. If I'm back on a normal schedule, I should O somewhere between the 12th and 19th (I've never actually charted, it's just usually somewhere 7-14 days after AF starts). That gives me today to decide if I'm brave enough to start ttc again. I really want a baby, but right now I don't know if I'm strong enough to succeed and lose a third one. Doesn't really help that I'm basically a wimp and not at all a risk taker. I don't know what to do.

How did you get back in the ttc game after your second loss? Was it harder than after your first?
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  #2  
July 11th, 2006, 04:31 PM
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Hi sweetie.. As you probably already know, I've never actually been ttc, so I can't really give advice or input about how hard it was to start trying again.. But I just wanted to say that if you're not sure you're strong enough yet, whether emotionally or physically or some combination of both, you should probably follow your gut and give it a little more time.. I think it will probably always be hard to try again when you're just anticipating another loss.. I imagine it will be for me when I try later on in life.. But I think it's important that you trust yourself and do it when you feel ready..

I wish I had some substantial advice to give.. Please let me know if you need anything.
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  #3  
July 11th, 2006, 07:03 PM
srs srs is offline
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Well, we're in the same boat, except that last weekend DH and I decided we were done with protection (we were using condoms), so I guess we are more or less trying, since I get pg pretty easily and we are doing absolutely nothing to prevent it. I like to think i's more of a not trying/not preventing thing, but really I know better - given my history, if we do nothing but have sex whenever we feel like it, I'll more than likely be pg within six months.
And I absolutely don't know how I feel about that. I am terrified to be pg again. But I felt like I was dying inside, and the thought of condoms or bcp (or prenatal vitamins) just makes me horribly sad. I actually haven't even gotten af yet (although I started spotting this afternoon, so hopefully this is it), and I know that is against every doctor's advice, but we just don't want to deal with it anymore.
It was actually DH who convinced me that it was okay, and I honestly have never felt more loved in my life than when he said, "This is our lives, not our doctors or anyone else. Let's do what we feel is right." It was like he could see the struggle I was having, and helped me find a way out of it. That's pretty amazing considering no one else in my life even thinks anything is wrong.
So I guess I'm feeling rebellious and reckless, and thoroughly unconcerned about whether I get pg or not, and we'll see what happens. I wish I had some advice for you, but since we are right at the same spot only time will tell for both of us. I can say that I have felt better about trusting our instincts than I did with months of prenatal vitamins and obsessing about the 2ww.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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  #4  
July 12th, 2006, 02:45 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks ladies! I feel better already. We've never had trouble getting pg either, it's staying pg that's been the problem. I think that's what scares me most - if DH doesn't cover up, we'll likely be pg within the week and then it's back to the worry phase.

I know I need to just relax and give it all to God. Take that leap of faith. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to have learned from all of this...
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  #5  
July 12th, 2006, 07:08 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Thanks ladies! I feel better already. We've never had trouble getting pg either, it's staying pg that's been the problem. I think that's what scares me most - if DH doesn't cover up, we'll likely be pg within the week and then it's back to the worry phase.

I know I need to just relax and give it all to God. Take that leap of faith. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to have learned from all of this...[/b]
I hear ya on the easily getting pg part. If Dh's sperm even touches me I get pg...and he has a low sperm count even (I'm sure he'd appreciate me telling you all this LOL! ) staying pg is my problem too and it is a very scary feeling to know everytime you have that uneasiness. Giving it all to God is hard...I'm, working on that myself everyday...letting go a little more...hope and praying my "story' will turn around.
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  #6  
July 13th, 2006, 08:04 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well, in a sleepy moment last night...let's just say that I guess I'm officially ttc again. Yikes! DH didn't cover up and after AF hanging around for a week I'm sure there were plenty of swimmers. Now I'm scared, worried, but hopeful...kwim?

I'm thinking this will absolutely be my biggest test of my faith. I started reading a book called Experiencing God (the workbook version) last night at the recommendation of my pastor after losing John. After reading just the first day's study, I realized that I've always prayed for an end result and to know the whole plan up front. I understand now that I just need to follow Him whether I know His plan/destination or not. Instead of panicking about everything that could happen now, I'm going to just move a step at a time and deal with each step as its turn comes. If I have another loss, I know God's working out the big picture for me and I'll deal with it as part of His plan. Like with John having trisomy 16. I could've carried him to term and lost him right after delivery, but I was spared that (as were many family members) by losing him at ~7 weeks instead. It still hurt - more painful than anything I've ever experienced - but after reading the stories on the stillbirth forum of the babies born sleeping at full term, I know it could've hurt a whole lot more.

So, moving forward small steps at a time and trusting that God will take care of me, whether the next pg is successful or not.
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  #7  
July 13th, 2006, 05:49 PM
srs srs is offline
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So, moving forward small steps at a time and trusting that God will take care of me, whether the next pg is successful or not.[/b]
It's amazing that it comes down to this, isn't it? I think about the months when I thought a baby might be nice, and then the months spent ttc, then mc, then ttc, then mc, and all the while feeling like I was on a bit of a roller coaster and trying desparately to hang on. Now I have finally learned that none of this is in my control, and more importantly, I have accepted that none of it is in my control. It does bring some peace.
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  #8  
July 14th, 2006, 11:49 AM
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Just thought that I would add my thoughts on this subject. It is such a difficult one.

Emotionally, I am not sure if DH and I were ready. There are so many things going on in your head at that time that sometimes you cannot even think straight. We put our faith in God's hands.

After my 2nd m/c, I was scared to death!!! Was God ever going to grant us the gift of a little one??? I had gone to my dr and she had given me the go ahead to try after my first AF. So, I had a chart that she had given me....starting w/when AF arrived, when to take the clomid if iI wanted to, when to start the progesterone pills, when to BD. DH looked at it and freaked!!! The first month we followed to a T. Nothing happened. The second month, we only BD'd once. When I ovulate from my left side, man do I get some serious cramping. So, when that was here, DH and I did the deed. It was the only time during the ovulation time that we did. Low and behold, we got pg. When I took the test and it came out +, I instantly started crying, and crying, and crying some more. Couldn't stop for hours. I was so scared.

Now....I am 15 weeks along and not a time goes by that I don't look for spotting, that I don't question what I am feeling, how baby is doing. But, it is in God's hands....he will do what is right.

Amy
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  #9  
July 14th, 2006, 03:39 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We never did "TTC" after the 2nd loss. I should have been smarteer - as I get pg really easy..and I wanted in ways to try again...but I was avoiding the most fertile times & we were testing for answers. I O'd twice one cysle & because hte dip wasn't as severe & it was an "oddball" reading - I threw the # out of hte chart & assumed I O'd on time - like scheduled..and we didn't even try to prevent. So anyway - I got pg..and was terrified, we had only learned hte day before that Dh had a chromosome issue & the nest day I found out I was pg. So I freaked. But over the course of that pg I learned to relax quite a bit & take it as it comes & enjoy whatever I can. If we had all of our finances in order & my boss wasn't a psycho - we'd be able right now to let go...but I am afraid right now that we have too many balls in the air & although our initial plan was to just see what happens, so far I have been preventing to one degree or another - varying in actual attempt..and at times I really don't care at all whether I get pg now. But I should get some things in order, so I am trying to do that as quickly as I can so that I can be less stressed & allow us to just "go with the flow".
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