[sandel07]

For the last 2 years (5 losses in that time) I have really wanted to have another baby, after my last loss I am starting to question this desire. My BF does not have children of his own and wants them.

The last few weeks all I can think of are the negatives of having another child....starting over since my boys are going to be 12 and 14 this year, daycare, not having the freedom to do what i want when I want, possible birth defects. Then I think What if things dont work out with Ryan, do I want to be a single parent for another 18 years?? I have pretty much been a single parent the last 7 years (my sons dad has them every other weekend and that is about it).

Then I wonder am I thinking this way incase the next pregnancy is a loss-kind of a defense mechanism, so the loss wont hurt so much???

I also think it is not fair to Ryan for me to stop trying knowing how bad he wants his own children-if it were reverse and I didnt have children I wouldnt want him to make that decision for me....


I told Ryan I would try one more time and we are suppose to try again next cycle which is about 2 weeks away-and I really dont know what I want to do....

Sorry for the rambling....just have so many thoughts in all different directions....

[Mommy_of_7_Angels]

Yes, the only thing keeping me going is knowing how badly he wants kids.

I posted about it here: To Have A Child: To try again, or not to try again?

[plan4fate]

*hugs*