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Miscarriage and lots of unknowns


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
April 19th, 2012, 08:41 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1
I am 41 and lost my baby this week. at 7.5 weeks. Last week we had a heartbeat and on Tues it showed no growth in a week and no heartbeat. I get a D&C tomorrow. Since the beginning I questioned the way the fetus measured but my Dr didn't pay much mind to this. last week it measured 6.5 weeks and it never made sense to me. Should have been about 7.4 weeks based on when I had sex, ovulated etc.

one of my main struggles is "was this my fault"? I take Zoloft for OCD and panic disorder. I tried very very hard to get off the medication and I always got severe anxiety to the point of not being able to function. Somehow I got off the medication in 2006 when I got pregnant and had my daughter but into my 7th month of pregnancy started getting symptoms of OCD which got very bad after I gave birth. It was HORRIBLE. Had the intrusve thoughts, panic attacks etc. Went back on Zoloft. Tried to get off the meds in 2009 and just wasn't able to.

So I did lots of research and with the blessing of my psychaitrist and OBGYN I remained on the Zoloft for this pregnancy. I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK this could have been from the Zoloft regardless of what the Drs say.

I am going to have the fetus tested and now I am scared to death of what they will find. If they find nothing wrong with the fetus, I am not sure how I can go on to try again knowing that I need to stay on this medication. This is a horrible struggle for any mom who suffers with depression etc.

In the meantime, I am grieving over the loss of my baby. I took one last look at it yesterday on a sonogram and just stared at it for a a minute. The lab technican allowed me to look at it. I needed to say goodbye in a way. This is so heartbreaking. I just hope that I find peace.
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  #2  
April 20th, 2012, 10:21 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,238


I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have to try to forgive yourself - nothing you did caused this to happen. If your doctors though remaining on the meds was safe, then it likely was... I'll keep you in my prayers
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  #3  
April 20th, 2012, 03:39 PM
Lex&angels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: France
Posts: 3,736
I'm very sorry. It sounds very similar to what happened with one of my miscarriages in 2010... baby just wasn't growing right, nearly a week behind, and the heartbeat and growth stopped a few days after my ultrasound, around 7.5 weeks. It was heartbreaking and just awful.

I don't think your doctors would have okayed the zoloft if it were really bad, so don't blame yourself. Hugs.
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  #4  
April 20th, 2012, 09:33 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,595
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*hugs*

it takes time, a lot of it, to comes to terms with a miscarriage. You have to go through the steps of grief (I'll see if I can get that from a friend for you) before healing can come.

It's not easy. It's been almost 7 years from my first "big" miscarriage... and while I do feel that I have made leaps and bounds, in the beginning,f or the first four years... I battled a lot of depression, a lot of pain.. as baby after baby kept dying inside my body.

Give your self some time. Grieve. Cry, yell, scream, punch a pillow. Just let it all out, you will feel a little better one day. *hugs*
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  #5  
April 24th, 2012, 12:18 AM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
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I don't know anything about Zoloft, but if your doctor said it's ok, I'm sure it was! Your pregnancy and loss sound a lot like all of mine, slow growth, heartbeat, then early (1st trimester) loss. I had one of my losses tested and it came back with a genetic abnormality. Later I had PGD done with my IVF, which showed at least half of my embryos had multiple genetic abnormalities, and actually it was more like less than 1/3 were "normal" because they only tested the embryos that grew to the 8-cell stage. Abnormalities are unfortunately very common, especially at our age (I was 41 when I conceived my last baby, sans IVF, and he's almost two now! Successes happen even in our 40s!). I hope that your testing shows a reason for your loss, so you at least can be comforted by some answers.
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Last edited by LisaB; April 24th, 2012 at 12:22 AM.
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  #6  
April 29th, 2012, 05:05 PM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 10,914
I am so sorry for your loss. I had three losses in six months and then two rainbow babies 13 months apart. My losses were diagnosed as 1, blighted ovum, 2 Fetal demise 3, chemical pregnancy and officially from my doctor was "bad luck and old eggs" I wish you luck and blessing dealing with your loss and going on to whatever your future holds.
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