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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
July 15th, 2006, 09:41 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 371
So I'm really still caught up in the loss of the twins.. Going from sad & sobbing to being angry, then to feeling really empty and alone and depressed.. Sometimes I'm just sitting in my apartment with all the lights off locked in my bedroom so not even my cats can get to me.. I feel like crap.. And I don't have my follow-up u/s until Wednesday to see if everything is okay in terms of making sure I didn't have an incomplete m/c, etc.. So I feel like I'm still in this weird, crazy hormonal grief vortex.

And now my angel baby Haley's due date is coming up on Monday.. So I feel like I've got a double (or maybe triple) whammy on my hands.. Maybe I'm thinking it's going to be worse than it will be, but I'm really really worried about falling into a deep depression again.. I just don't know how much more I can think about my babies.. And it's hard enough to deal with lossing the twins and having that be so fresh in my mind (since I haven't even stopped bleeding), not to mention having the thoughts of what it would have been like to have Haley at home.. I don't know.. I'm just so sad.. She would have been turning 4 this year..

How do you ladies all get through due dates, etc.? Am I imagining that this will be worse than it really will be? I guess I'm not really looking for answers.. I think I'm just needing to vent.

Thanks for listening, everyone.
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<span style="font-familyalatino Linotype">"I wish you knew how much you changed all our lives. But I know someday you'll see, if only through heaven's eyes."
I'll always love you, Lori.</span>
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  #2  
July 15th, 2006, 10:10 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Due dates are always a bit harder...but you can make a plan perhaps to help ease their passing. Maybe you can think of a way to acknowledge your loss that day, like planting something in her honor, taking a white rose to a nearby church or cemetary. I took white roses to a beautiful pond in a park where I know I would have taken my angels. I have also planted a memorial garden, you can even be as simple as playing some beautiful music & lighting a candle. I find it does me so much good to just do something physical that acknowledge their lives & that I loved them & still do. Maybe you can find something that is special to you to do, or do one or more of the things I have done. Many of the ladies here have done some very sweet things as well. what is most important is that you are acknowledging your pain & her life. I think you will find the perfect way for you to do that in your life, in your own way. I wish I knew an easy way to get past DD's - but I don't. I do know that when I am doing the "right" thing for me, and honoring my loss, it helps to ease the sting of the day.

I wish you all the best.
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #3  
July 15th, 2006, 10:18 PM
srs srs is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Good luck to you on Monday. I haven't had a dd yet (mine is coming up soon too), but it sounds like many of the ladies here have done something special on that day to honor their baby. I hope you have a peaceful day.
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  #4  
July 16th, 2006, 06:29 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
I made candles for my baby Hope's EDD. I lit them first thing in the morning when i woke up that day and surprisingly it warmed my heart each time I looked at the flicker of that light throughout the day...it reminded me she'd with me instead of me without...if that makes sense? Another sweet thing that many women on here and on another board I belong to did was light candles in Hope's honor that day as well...some even sent pics. I'm going to do this for Haley...Monday I will light my baby hope's candle in rememberence of Haley...I hope you find some peace that day.
Much love,
Norina
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #5  
July 16th, 2006, 06:52 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,479
I know what you mean about feeling like it is a "double whammy". I had a m/c on 4/17 and then had my EDD to contend with on 5/15. I know my dates weren't so close as yours were, but I felt as though it was extra difficult having to contend with both things at the same time. Instead of being happily p/g again (thinking that would help to get me through my first EDD), I was waiting for AF to return after having a second m/c. However, the day was easier than I expected it to be. I cried once in the morning, although I'm not really sure if it was because I was really sad or because no one else remembered that it was my EDD (although DH was the only one who really even knew the date, and I have been with him long enough to not expect him to remember dates).
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  #6  
July 16th, 2006, 08:51 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 371
Thanks for the support everyone.. It feels a little bit better already knowing that my baby's EDD is not going to pass by without acknowledgement & support from someone other than myself. It's just really something hard to have to be alone with, as I'm sure you all understand.

Thanks for all of the wonderful ideas on how to honor my angels on these difficult days.. And, Norina, thanks so much for offering to light a candle for Haley. I think I'm going to spend some time meditating tomorrow, lighting a memorial candle that I can allow to burn throughout the day, and possibly plant a bleeding heart bush outside my apartment.. I've always thought bleeding hearts were beautiful, despite the pain they seem to represent, and I've been wanting to plant one all summer.. Maybe now is the best time.

Again, thanks.. I'll let you know how I'm doing.
__________________
<div align="center">



<span style="font-familyalatino Linotype">"I wish you knew how much you changed all our lives. But I know someday you'll see, if only through heaven's eyes."
I'll always love you, Lori.</span>
</div>
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  #7  
July 16th, 2006, 10:39 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I wish I knew how to make this photo the right size - I am still learning....

I wanted to share a photo of my bleeding heart bush in honor of your Haley today. (((hugs)))) sweetie - we will all be with you in thought.

__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #8  
July 17th, 2006, 03:24 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I hope today has been more peaceful for you than painful. I've not been through an EDD yet, so I can't begin to imagine what that's like. You're in my prayers today.
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Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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  #9  
July 17th, 2006, 05:59 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Nicole, I hope today brought you peace and was what you wanted it to be. I know Beck's huge picture for Haley made me smile! (just kidding, Beck - I can't do any better)
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  #10  
July 18th, 2006, 02:18 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 371
Beckie, that picture is so beautiful, even though it is large!! It makes seeing the blossoms so much easier.. Thank you so much for sending that to me.

And everyone else, your words of support meant so much to me.. Being able to come here and see that my angel & I were not forgotten on such an important day meant so much.. Thank you.. Thank you so much.
__________________
<div align="center">



<span style="font-familyalatino Linotype">"I wish you knew how much you changed all our lives. But I know someday you'll see, if only through heaven's eyes."
I'll always love you, Lori.</span>
</div>
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