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Stupid thing happened that made me sad


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
July 19th, 2006, 06:50 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Michigan
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Okay - so I love the butterfly blinkies...as a lot of us do..and since the mc's I have found myself more attracted to butterflies. After my 1st mc - my nephew who was 3 had told me he though my babies had turned into butterflies & flew away. I thought it was sweet & imagining that had given me some real comfort. So I watch them - a lot, & generally find a sense of peace - imagining my babies flitting around..happy & dancing on air.

The other day I was stuck & traffic & thrilled when a butterfly zipped in through my window, brushed up against my shoulder & flew out thru the sunroof. It felt like a sweet nudge almost.

Then today - I am listening to a great song I love, driving home from a VERY long day (I did nearly 500 miles today) and I see this georgeous monarch. I am mesmerized for a moment watching it dance around ahead of me on the expressway ....and then...... I hit it. It actually made me cry. So here I am spraying the windshield like crazy trying to get the smear off (which was terrible...truly awful & large)...and I was suddenly so sad. I have been trying to stay in hte moment - meditating on it...enjoying simple things like breathing, blue sky, swaying wheat & funny kids making faces at me while I am the road...and in htis moment where I was mesmerized by that butterfly - having it hit the windshield just felt like a HUGE metaphor for my life this past year. I know it is melancholy & dramamtic - but it is what I experienced. Who knew that something as simple as a bug on the windshield could conjure such emotion? I wish I understood it all.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #2  
July 19th, 2006, 07:46 PM
StephLS's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
. Who knew that something as simple as a bug on the windshield could conjure such emotion? I wish I understood it all.[/b]

I think that when we've been through such an emotional roller coaster (such as multiple m/c) its those little things that we start to take notice of and tend to find meaning in- both happy and sad.
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  #3  
July 19th, 2006, 08:01 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think Steph hit it on the nose. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

And...500 miles in one day for work?! Wow!
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  #4  
July 19th, 2006, 08:03 PM
StephLS's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
And...500 miles in one day for work?! Wow![/b]
Wow and thinking of the gas money for that 500 miles. Hope they pay you well!
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  #5  
July 19th, 2006, 08:16 PM
Mari13007's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You know, I love butterflies too! I feel so good inside when I see them fluttering around me. My user name in spanish actually means butterfly. I love the siggies and I can completely understand why you felt the way you did today. Hopefully the rest of the week will be much better. Someone once told me that when life feels like its hitting and everything seems like its going wrong, it means that something good is around the corner, hopefully this will be the case for all of us.
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  #6  
July 19th, 2006, 08:51 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
. Who knew that something as simple as a bug on the windshield could conjure such emotion? I wish I understood it all.[/b]
I think that when we've been through such an emotional roller coaster (such as multiple m/c) its those little things that we start to take notice of and tend to find meaning in- both happy and sad.
[/b]
I agree.. I think Steph explained it perfectly.. Those little things are often the ones that evoke the most emotion.. Be it the butterfly dieing & making you so melancholy, or having one give you a nudge & make you feel warm and peaceful inside.. It's a crazy rollercoaster, but I think it makes sense.

I hope you're able to take comfort in knowing that many of us have felt the same as you do right now.. You aren't alone, hun.
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  #7  
July 20th, 2006, 12:03 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I too can relate to the love of butterflies...i went as far as to get one tattooed on my back to represent my babies that died last year. i also love that poem about the butterfly and wishing it could stay awhile but being happy you had the time you did...you all probably know the one. It's that poem that has worked as a metaphor for my loss thus inspiring the tattoo ...
But as for your experience I think it is true what Stephanie said. And when you talked about ebing in the moment, sweetie, you were...that was a sad thing that happened and being that you are so intune with the moment it made you cry...understandable. You are guilty of nothing but being a sweet woman whose life experience has made her more in tune than ever with all that is around her...this is both a blessing and a curse. hold tight...just as you felt the weight of saddness today you will feel the joy in your heart just as strongly!
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  #8  
July 20th, 2006, 09:51 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you all so much for the love & support. Somehow when I am feeling erally stupid - you all seem to make sense out of it & make me feel understood. I don't know what I would do without ya!

(And about the 500 miles - its all company car/company credit card. It's not a car I keep - it is shared through the company..but NOT my car putting on all those miles...I have done about 2500 miles in under a month..so I wouldn't do that in my own car )
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B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #9  
July 21st, 2006, 08:54 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
(And about the 500 miles - its all company car/company credit card. It's not a car I keep - it is shared through the company..but NOT my car putting on all those miles...I have done about 2500 miles in under a month..so I wouldn't do that in my own car )[/b]
Still...my butt couldn't handle that many miles in one day/month!
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  #10  
July 22nd, 2006, 11:54 AM
srs srs is offline
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Beckie,
I think it's totally understandable, and I'm glad everyone here supported you (I was off being catatonic with migraines for two days, so sorry I wasn't here for you!). I think it is good to try to be in the moment, even if the moment occasionally blows up in your face. I understand the metaphor, and I hope good things are just around the corner for all of us (Lord knows we deserve it).
Take care,
Sara
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  #11  
October 21st, 2008, 10:17 AM
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Beckie, I had to bump this one for you just to ask you a question. Look at the date of the post. You had to have already been pg with Jonah at that time and maybe the butterfly was a sign sent to you. Not the best sign but a sign nontheless. What do you think?
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