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Hi ladies- I brushed this on plan4fate's SIL post. Today SO sends me a txt about how his BFF's wife (who will have her baby on my old due date) has the birth plans I was seeking. You know my love, thats just not what you want to be texting me. It's a little salt on my wound! Not only I get to suffer a mc, now I can grieve the birth experience I didnt get? The worst part is that when I try to explain to him that I'd prefer not to hear ANY news about ANYONE's baby he gets upset at me saying "I should just be happy for other people". Well, I'm not! I'm happy for a few people who touch my life, but generally- I just don't want to hear it. And- I don't think ill be getting over that until (maybe) after I have children.
I guess what I'm really saying is that it still hurts.
When I had my 2nd m/c, shortly after SIL announced her pregnancy. DH couldn't understand why I didn't care and why I didn't want to be around her. Then he drug me to the hospital after she had the baby and we got into an argument on the way home because I sat in the hallway.
Hey there No, men don't always get it. After my last loss, DH scheduled a dinner for us with some of his friends--one of whom was pregnant, due around the same time I was due. I told him he had to cancel the dinner. He at first protested, but I just flat out told him "look, I don't want to be around pregnant women in my free time! I'm around a pregnant woman all day at work, 5 days a week, and I'll be d*mned if I spend my weekend time around a pregnant woman too!" He then agreed to cancel the dinner. I think sometimes they just don't realize how hard it is to be around other pregnant people, to hear about other people's pregnancies, or to just "get over it." DH did finally catch on, and stopped making plans with pregnant people... in fact, he even stopped telling me when he found out that his friends were pregnant. So I guess there's hope, sometimes.
Most men dont get these things until it truly and deeply effects them. DH and i have my son, his step son, whom he raised since nearly birth. We have been TTC for 2 years and had 3 m/c, the most recent this past tuesday. This one hit me pretty hard but him not so much. Last spring we had one the day after fathers day, and that exact same day we got a phone call telling us our dear friend josh had killed himself (but we believe his cheating wife did it..there was a lot of money involved) that exact same day. The call came in about 2 hours before m/c. we believe it was in part due to the severe emotional distress it put us both in when we learned the horrid details. That one was the hardest. So now he understands, and we generally dont talk about anyone being pregnant. ever. it was hard when my younger sister had her son last fall. so we just generally dont discuss others pregnancies.