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With the last 3 cycles ending in such sadness, I thought I would just "get back on the horse" and keep up TTC. I found out tonight, the day before our timed BD schedule, that I am not ready emotionally to try. I have been fighting this feeling for a week. I can't shove it away anymore. I am not ready to see another line just to have it mean another loss. I am done with loss for the time being. It will probably be 1 cycle that we take off. I just need to know that my thyroid levels are good as well as my second progesterone blood draw to see if the thyroid meds are evening that out as well. I need to take care of me for a month without the worry. It is such a hard decision, but I feel good about taking that one stress away.
I had a complete melt down last night. It felt great to cry. I didn't realize how MUCH I needed a break until last night. I bought condoms today and it is actually a relief to know that I will not be stressing for at least a cycle. I don't have to worry about a loss. I don't have to worry about BDing at the right time. It is amazing. I know that I will pick it back up when my bloodwork comes back normal.
I think it is great to find what you need and make it happen! Good job putting you first. As women we do so much for others- leaving our needs as second. I hope this is a refreshing month for you and that you find the peace your heart needs.