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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
July 28th, 2006, 08:08 PM
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Not spectacular, but not as bad as if could have been. My blood results showed up abnormal for clotting disorders, so at the moment that is the primary suspect for my mcs. I have to go get the bloodwork repeated next week to confirm. I actually had it done twice already, but the first time came back with "lab error", so I don't know if it really was lab error or if they just wanted it again to be sure. Either way, they want my blood one more time next week, and this time I have to go to the main hospital about an hour away from my house. For now, they've told me to take baby aspirin if I get pg again, but no to take it until I am pg.

I've been all over the place emotionally on this one. At first I was relieved to have an answer, and then I started worrying since it means there really is a problem, and then I started feeling guilty (even though I know I shouldn't), because this means the problem really was with me and not the babies. I also keep having moments of feeling just horribly sad, because the way my doctor explained it, with a clotting disorder the baby dies because it can't get enough nutrients from the placenta, because the blood isn't moving around. I always though those, "well, there was something wrong with the baby" comments were crap, but now I have evidence that it wasn't the babies at all. They were probably fine, and in someone else's body my first child would still be due in a few weeks.

All in all, not a great couple of days, especially because I am traveling this weekend (my sister's wedding is tomorrow, and my whole extended family is here, and I don't want to deal with them), and we had the flight from hell last night due to bad weather on the East Coast, and I've had almost no sleep since our flight got in so late, and I'm having insomnia again because I just can't clear my mind from these thoughts I'm having. In some ways it does bring a bit of closure, but it's also like I am reliving the miscarriages. OF course, the diagnosis still needs to be confirmed, but unfortunately the timeline makes sense: both my losses were around 7wks, which is right after the placenta has formed and begins taking over. On the plus side, though, maybe the cure is as simple as a baby aspirin every day, and I really am grateful that is was not anything worse (all of the other tests came back normal).

The only other concern is that it also impacts things other than fertility. The nurse told me that in all likelihood I can't take anything that has estrogen in it because it increases the risk of blood clots. I was on bcp for six years with estrogen, but since there was nothing in my history about clotting problems no one thought to check, and I guess in any case they don't check for stuff like that unless there is a problem. I guess hormone replacement therapy is also out, so here's hoping menopause isn't too bad.

I suppose before I do anything I should read Beckie's sticky about testing again, sicne I know this is on there. Thanks to everyone for your support.

Sara
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  #2  
July 28th, 2006, 08:24 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm relieved that you have gotten some answers and hope that next week's test brings closure and a solution as simple as the baby aspirin. I know you're tempted to place blame on yourself, but you're not a physician and could not possibly have known this was a problem before testing. Now you do and have a plan to prevent it in the future. Give it time to sink in and try not to stress too much about it. We'll be here for you every step of the way.

I can't remember which forum she posted this in and I'll probably mess up the exact quote so consider this a paraphrase, but VegasMom has a wonderful perspective on her losses: "Now I look at it this way, that God trusted me enough to let me make 7 angels for him and in return he let me keep 2."

Sorry you had such a bad trip. I hate traveling in bad weather. I hope the wedding goes well and that you can get some sleep. I had a short night last night due to insomnia and DH is snoozing on the couch, so I'll probably head to bed shortly and enjoy having it to myself for a bit.
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  #3  
July 29th, 2006, 07:42 AM
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Hi Sara,

I'm glad they've got some idea as to what might be causing your m/c. I just had bloodwork done too and will be calling Monday to find out if they have any results back yet. It does suck that the m/c's might be due to something not working right in my body. It makes me sad too to think my body made me lose my babies. I'm really hoping that there is something that can be "fixed." I dread the results might be that I'm just having bad luck with chromosomes, that there is nothing wrong with me.

BTW.. like the way this was put:
------------------------------
I can't remember which forum she posted this in and I'll probably mess up the exact quote so consider this a paraphrase, but VegasMom has a wonderful perspective on her losses: "Now I look at it this way, that God trusted me enough to let me make 7 angels for him and in return he let me keep 2."
--------------------------------------------

It helps me deal with my question of "Why would God let me get pregnant (twice even) only for it to be taken away?" He needed more angels. I was blest to have been able to make angels for him.

Anyways, take care Sara! Good luck with your second round of bloodwork.
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  #4  
July 29th, 2006, 07:48 AM
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I am on baby asperin too, but I am supposed to keep taking mine even if I'm not pregnant. That's weird that you only have to take it once you get pregnant. I guess all doctors are different. I'm glad you got some answers hun.
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  #5  
July 29th, 2006, 10:39 AM
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I am sorry you are feeling all upset again emotionally by these first results. It can be very hard to get results...even when we think that is what we most want. I remeber getting my results while I was at work of all things...felt like the floor had dropped out from beneath me.

As much as you are feeling guilty about this - you have to know you can't let yourself. We all know that if there were anything you could have known, anything you could have done to save those babies - you would have in an instant. Your losses didn't happen because you didn't care, they happened because no one knew how to stop them. Hopefully - these answers mean they know how to stop it from happening again.

I hope the wedding goes okay for you. I know it can be incredibly hard to have to go deal with family/friends when you are feeling all a jumble inside...it would be nice to just have a couple of quiet days to sort out your heart. Unfortunately, just like with the mc's regardless of our own personal struggles, the world keeps on a spinning & we don't often get the breaks we need to digest all of these thoughts & feelings.

I will see what I can find on blood clotting disorder while you are away at the wedding & if I find anything good - I will post it here. I am sure there is a lot more info that what I have already come across...and there are a few ladies at the boards that have dealt with this.

Hope you are off having a good time....(although I know this isn't far from your mind).
Much love - Beckie
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  #6  
July 29th, 2006, 12:57 PM
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Hang in there hun. Please don't blame yourself...how would you have known. Our bodies are so complex and things can get off balance. On a positive note...that's great that a possible cause has been found and can be treated so easily. Many people never find a reason and go on the wonder and blame themselves for years.

I want to encourage you to take this news/information and look forward to the future. Think of it as a faint light at the end of the tunnel.

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  #7  
July 29th, 2006, 04:27 PM
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Yeah, I guess it makes no sense to blame myself, and I'm not really. I think I just feel bad because something is probably wrong with my body and that wasn't in my plan (keeping in mind that whatever plan I might have had has been totally obliterated by now ). It'll be okay. It's a bit depressing to realize that without treatment mc is almost a given, but the good news is that it's treatable, and from what I can tell the odds of success get up to about 70%, which is getting almost up to normal odds. I'm certainly grateful that it is treatable. I really am.
I told my parents and one of my sisters today (I figured the one who got married today has got other stuff on her mind), and they were really supportive. My mom got totally pissed when I told her about all the crappy things people have said to me, like "there was probably something wrong with the babies", "everything happends for a reason", etc. She said "I can't believe people still say that stuff nowadays," which makes me think she got a lot of it when she had a mc 25 years ago (she was in a car accident and lost the baby).

RyleesMommy03, I've read other stuff that says you should take aspirin before getting pg too, so I asked my doctor about it (twice). Both times she said wait until you are pg. I took one today anyway, though, because I don't think it's going to do me any harm. I think it can thin your uterine lining, which is maybe why they said don't take it, but then I've also read the opposite, and I know it is used with IVF to thicken the lining, which doesn't make any sense to me but who knows. I have not had any trouble getting pg, so maybe they aren't worried about it then.

Thanks to all of you for responsing. It really means a lot to me to have such a supportive place to share.
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  #8  
July 29th, 2006, 05:59 PM
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"With my oldest son I was young and I dont think I was the greatest mother. I can look back at it and admit it. Then I lost 7 babies and felt I was being punished for being such a bad mom. NOW what I think I learned is how precious every life is and that I wasnt being punished. God thought I was such a good mom that he gave me the opportunity to make 7 angels for him and in return he let me keep 2."

I had it posted in the pregnancy loss board so I just copied it here for you>

Sara, I'm glad you found out the problem and whatever you do don't blame yourself. If it helps, I found out I had some physical as well as chemical issues following my last m/c and when I was treated for it I was able to carry a child to full term. I was diagnosed with two gene mutations for the MTHFR so I also take a baby aspirin every day as well as a B-complex and 3000mg of folic acid. I guess I sort of had a double whammy because I had a uterine septum that had to be removed also.
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  #9  
July 31st, 2006, 03:35 AM
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Sara- I totally had this long post posted for you and in the midst of writing, my dog sat on the computer cord and accidentally hit the switch with his big butt and turned it off! UGH! Life with a animals sometimes, I tell ya...
Anyway I don't think I can recapture all I was saying but I wanted to let you know I can relate a lot to the guilt you spke of in your original post. When the dr's found my septum everyone kept telling me I should be grateful that they found the problem and it could be fixed. I couldn't accept that and be grateful for the dr having found it because it angered me so that "I" was essentially responsible for my babies deaths. In a logical, well thought out, in my head kind of way this makes no snese...I couldn't have possibly known or done anything to stop the m/c's...but in my my heart is breaking, I want my babies back, I hate my body emotional process I couldn't see the "logical" side of things. It really took me quite a few months to grieve my bodies "abnormality" and to work through the guilt. Sometimes it's even still there...paticularly after me m/cing again after the septum removal surgery.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in how you feel and perhaps instill some hope that this is something that can and will be worked out within your heart.
Much love to you,
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  #10  
July 31st, 2006, 08:55 PM
srs srs is offline
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Quote:
Sara- I totally had this long post posted for you and in the midst of writing, my dog sat on the computer cord and accidentally hit the switch with his big butt and turned it off! UGH! Life with a animals sometimes, I tell ya...[/b]
Norina, that totally made my day!

Thanks too for sharing. I do feel somewhat better now that I've gotten some more sleep and had some time to process the news (and it's not totally confirmed yet either), but I can really relate to your story since it has a similar physical element. The good news is that it's treatable, but there's still no guarantee, and the bad news is that I feel like I am grieving the losses all over again, and in a different way than I did the first time.
There are also a few things to feel good about. I am grateful that they found it, because otherwise I think there is very little chance of me carrying to term. I'm also glad that I followed my instincts and pushed hard to get the testing done after 2 mcs and not wait for a third, because after the 2nd I just felt like something had to be wrong, and it turns out I was probably right.

So that's where I am. I go for more bloodwork on Wednesday to confirm the results, and then I have no idea what happens next, but at least we're making progress.
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