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Another poem


Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
July 29th, 2006, 06:20 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I have been feeling all kinds of things lately. Maybe it's circumstance, maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's just where I am. I wanted to share - for those in more raw pain - something I wrote after my second loss. It is very raw- very open - and I think maybe a bit intense. I hope it isn't upsetting to anyone. I am hoping it helps others see where we go in that rollercoaster of healing grief.

Raw

Red everywhere
and panic, denial, I ran
I hid in my bed
Pretending I didn't know what it meant
Sleeping it away
as if a dream I started in waking
could be dreamed from existance while asleep

Then the pain
Like a belt strapped on too tight
Getting tighter
Strangling the life from within my womb
Feeling all the while that perhaps it was my own life draining from me
Wishing it was my own life draining

Laying cold and naked on the bathroom floor
Listening to children playing outside
Laughing & giggling in the summer heat
While you died inside of me
While I died there with you

I prayed to God, begged him
Not again
I will give you everything
My whole life
My world
What do you want from me???
Don't leave me here like this
At least take my breath
Let it be over - no more worry - no more pain - no more thinking
but I still lie there
Bleeding
Whimpering
Aching
In my bones, in my body, in my heart

And the moment you were gone
It was gone
The pain that had gripped me for hours
The cold in my bones
The heat that made me want to pass out
All gone in some cruel irony
As I was "better" now

And I was sure I had survived it yet again
No matter how much I didn't want to
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #2  
July 31st, 2006, 04:24 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Wow...yet again you have captured such emotion...ones I too have felt. I related so much to "pleading" and "sleeping it away"...thank you again for baring your soul and sharing with us. You are such an amazing woman Beck.
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #3  
July 31st, 2006, 07:03 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,479
Wow. You have so vividly captured some of the same things that I felt during my last m/c. Thank you for trusting us enough to share that very personal writing with us.
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10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

















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  #4  
October 21st, 2008, 10:25 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Bump
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  #5  
October 21st, 2008, 07:38 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
I just read this again...and I cried again. I remember all that you wrote as my own reality just 3 years ago. Amazing. You are amazing with words. i want this poem forever. Whay would I care to remember such a thing? because it's still a part of me...the memory. Though I stand on the "other side" now with a son in my arms at last...i still remember...I still remember my 4 lost angels. What a blessing it would be to have 5 children with me now instead of 1. But someday...someday Zech adn I will get to know his 4 brothers and sisters, we will laugh and hug one day...

Thanks again for sharing and thank you rhonda for bumping this post.

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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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