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Oh honey...i am so sorry you are feeling so scared, alone, and completely freaked out right now. I too have questioned whether I did something wrong by having had d and c's...i also know about visions and dreams that feel so real...and also have been known to come true. i have had them too. right now you are in a world of hurt. what I have found when looking back in hindsight at my dark days is that it was very difficult to trust all that was going through my head and heart...becaus it was clouded by pain. you did not kill your baby. You loved Jude, you wanted Jude, and there is no way you would have ever hurt him. Reassure yourself that you did not hurt him. Right now guilt and doubt plagues you because this is so very hard to go through. Jude knows his mommy loves him....
I just want to hug and cry with you right now. Please, please, try and calm yourse;lf. breathe...pray...forgive yourself for Jude's death. You did not cause it but I hear you blaming yourself...perhaps blaming your body? I know I did. I've hated myself and my body for failing to bring forth my babies life. This is not your fault.
May God bring you peace tonight and end this struggle soon.
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead