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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
September 2nd, 2006, 07:39 PM
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School starts on Tuesday, and it's my senior year!
I'm completely dreading the social part... it's just so overwhelming. After my D&C last year, I couldn't keep my composure in that place And having just lost the twins in July... I don't know how to begin to handle going back! Most of my friends have graduated, and it'll be a pretty lonely place. I don't know anyone there who can relate to this in the least
I can't sleep lately because I'm so torn about the 'school situation'. My mind is racing ALL the time. I'm in such a rough spot right now... and this is going to be such a big change to everyday life. Ugh. I thought going back to school was hard a few years ago! Little did I know... this is rediculous.
In a way, I want to go back and get into a schedule to keep my mind off of things... but, at the same time, I feel like it will do more damage than help. I'm anxious to see how everything plays out, but I'm much more afraid than excited.
There's a girl in a couple of my classes who is returning this year after having her son last year. And also an old acquaintance of mine is coming back to our school after having his daughter eight months ago. They both act so bitter about it, like it was a mistake, and they don't have a CLUE how envious I am of them I'm so sick of hearing their 'pains'. I'm still trying to deal with my own ground, and it's hard when all these other people get pushed into seven hours of every day of my life! I'm terrified. Completely.
This is all pretty jumbled, and I don't really know what I'm asking for as a reply. I just hate feeling like I'm so alone, and I really do right now. I just need a little support, and maybe a suggestion for taming my thoughts.
Thanks for letting me rant
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  #2  
September 3rd, 2006, 12:08 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
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Going back to school can be anxious enough already, but you have every reason to feel even more dread. I know you say that the people there can't relate - but believe me, they really can't no matter where you are (school, work, etc). Very few people are open about this topic - and especially if there has been more than one loss - those that have experienced it are few. Recurrent loss usually occurs about 1 per 100 couples, so most of us know no one outside this group that relates. Believe it or not - it's hard no matter where you are in life when it comes to loss. At my age - so many of my firends & relatives are pg or have small kids. Although they may not complain all that much - their lives revolve around their pg's or babies & it's a conversation I can't take for very long. They take it for granted - and truly - why shouldn't they? Perhaps before I experienced loss, I took for granted that I would carry to term. I had wondered (due to cytsts) if I ovulated correctly & if I could get pg - but once I found out I was pg - I hadn't really considered that I wouldn't carry full term. It wasn't even close to my first thoughts.

All you can do is the best you can. Avoid those that discuss painful things (like the 2 you mentioned that complain) and surround yourself as much as possible with those that keep to lighter subject matter or can be more supportive. Come here often & talk in order to get more helpful understanding & be patient with yourself. Healing is a process & it takes a lot of time. It is also something you never totally get over - it just gets easier. As much as you dread it - I think school will be good for you. We all want to hide from the world after something like this. We want to avoid every experience that might be painful, but we can't. We can pick & choose a bit & try to avoid the worst ones (like baby showers), but overall we have to rejoin life & find our new sense of normal. It may not be completely easy, but it is worthwhile. You need to laugh again, to find a way to let it go for a little while....and relax. Believe me - you are in no danger of forgetting - so allowing yourself a little time with friends to enjoy is not only okay - it is needed - for your own well being. Just try to remember that you are not alone - no matter how it feels. We are all there with you & we all understand. I hope it is much better than how you are envisioning... and I hope you find some sense of peace in getting back to your routine. I know it isn't how you wanted nor what you planned - but it really can be okay. Sending you much love-
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #3  
September 3rd, 2006, 08:47 PM
srs srs is offline
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Beckie pretty much covered it, but I wanted to add that we're all thinknig about you. It's tough enough having to go back to work - I can't imagine what it's like to go back to high school. Hang in there.
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  #4  
September 4th, 2006, 09:49 AM
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Thanks a lot
Beckie, you're completely right. We all have these situations that we have to learn to deal with, and forgetting this all just won't happen... and it's better that way.
It will always be a soft spot, and I can only imagine what it's like to be older where almost everyone around you has kids...
At least I'm not alone in this Lol, thanks again.
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  #5  
September 5th, 2006, 09:11 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I hope today goes/went well for you. I'm thinking about you and hoping the first day back wasn't as bad as you expected. Your senior year should be fun and I hope that you can find some peace and joy this year. Check in with us and let us know how your day went.
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Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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  #6  
September 5th, 2006, 10:08 AM
candacesoon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi...I was just watching this thread for an update. How did it go?
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  #7  
September 5th, 2006, 01:13 PM
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Today wasn't too bad...
I have spare first period! So I get to sleep in a lot... last year, I missed lots of my 1st period classes due to morning sickness so they just gave me a spare there!
I had Music, which is a pretty good mix of people. It's SO serious, though. It'll be hard, but worth it.
Then I had Art, which I was dreading most! I'm really close with my art teacher, and he knows about my first M/C but I'm not going to say anything about the second... I have to choose a theme for my 5 major pieces this year, and it'll be brutal. It's supposed to be "Something extremely personal, something we know really well."... and all I think about is the loss! So I was trying to figure out how I could put it into a positive and make that my theme... because I'll be working on it until January, I want to make it positive! Some form of 'hope' or 'forgiveness' or 'being thankful', I dunno. I want to dig deep, though!
Mmm then I had Math... but I'm switching out of it and into English. It was a total accident that they put me in that class *rolls eyes*.

Overall, the day was pretty good. No little 'shockers' along the way, it was pretty smooth. There's a bunch of people I just don't like dealing with, but I'll get numb to it eventually! So... yah, things are good! I found myself doodling a lot in my notebook, trying to just... stay sane Lol but it shouldn't be a bad semester.

Oooh and also (kind of O/T), I noticed my friend got this metal heart necklace engraved at our local mall with her BF's name and she said it was $10 and they do bracelets and stuff, too! I'm definately getting my Angels' initials on something I can wear ALWAYS hopefully tonight! That would make me feel awesome. Right now I have an ankh (Egyptian 'cross') and it symbolizes life... so that reminds me of them. But I'm really excited to have something personal!

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and support! Today wasn't So bad after all
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  #8  
September 5th, 2006, 01:53 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so glad to hear that today went relatively well. Sounds like you're in for a busy semester! I love the idea of getting something engraved. I hope you find just the right thing.
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Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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  #9  
September 5th, 2006, 04:41 PM
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I just got a bracelet engraved I couldn't wait.
It has "AAC.LOT.PKP" on it... and it just feels PERFECT!
I started crying when I got it back from being engraved!
What a good present to myself... Lol
I've completey forgotten about school now!
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  #10  
September 5th, 2006, 04:42 PM
StephLS's Avatar Super Mommy
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Glad to hear that today went better than you thought! I really think in the end school will help you to move forward. I was in the middle of finishing up my paralegal certificate when I had my first m/c. I think it kind of helped me to have something to distract myself (at least some of the time).

Anyhow, good luck with your classes. Feel free to keep us posted on how things are going!
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  #11  
September 5th, 2006, 06:15 PM
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Oh sweetie, I'm glad school went well for you.. And I'm so proud of you for getting the bracelet engraved for yourself. I got a ring engraved with the words: "Always my angels" on the inside. Wearing it all the time really helps me be able to interact with people who don't understand.. Because I know I'm holding onto my angels even when I'm having to deal with the ignorance of others.

Congrats on doing so well today! I hope each day gets better and better.. Keep us posted!!

p.s. I think a theme for your art class that puts a positive spin on your losses is a great idea, whether it's "hope" or "forgiveness" or "thankfulness" or any other great ideas I'm sure you'll come up with! Don't be afraid to bounce your ideas off of us.
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  #12  
September 5th, 2006, 06:16 PM
srs srs is offline
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Glad to hear that school went okay, and that you have a memento of your angels.
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  #13  
September 5th, 2006, 07:31 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hey - I was so glad to read this today - you made my week. I was actually a little worried about you & how today would go. I was worried that today would set the tone for how you thought school would go this year & hearing it wasn't too bad gives me hope that it will get even better for you.

I wanted to talk to you a little about art, as it is a subject dear to me as well. I think you can choose from a braod range of things that would relate to your losses & it all has to do with whatever you feel comfortable expressing & whatever is genuine. Perhaps you could talk to the teacher & take on a varying theme - since los is just that - and deal with "stages of grief" or rollercoaster of emotion, etc. The one thing I have always been able to rely on my art for is release - of whatever is inside me - whether it's nice or really ugly - it has room to be explored. I think it's lovely to focus on forgiveness, or hope, if you are there - but if you are not yet at peace - you & I both know your art will show your lack inspiration, or if you are anything like me - lack of inspiration can lead to a blank canvas. Whatever you choose fo a theme - just make sure it has enough flexibility & that you feel it genuinely enough to fuel a passion in you. That is after all what art is - your inner passion.

I think getting the bracelet was an excellent idea as well - I am glad you like it so well.

Please keep us updated & am again am sooooo glad today went pretty well. I hope the rest of the year goes better & better for you! I knwo you will have bad times too though - so please know you can write about any of it...I am just rooting for you to have way more good days than bad ones!
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #14  
September 6th, 2006, 10:43 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Hi there. i am sorry I did not see this post till now and was not able to offer you support sooner but it seems you were in good hands with these ladies. i am so glad to read school was actually ok overall and that you found a way to treat yourself and honor your losses all rolled into one...the braclet! So perfect! I also think the idea of using your art class as a way to express yourself regarding your losses is wonderful. the fact that this assignment may be conicidental may have come to your mind but I like to think there are no coincidences and this may be the universe/God giving you an outlet for the pain. Take advantage...take some risks, free yourself....It is in the uncommunicative ways that we can heal sometimes the most deeply.
Best wishes to you...come talk with us anytime.
hugs,
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  #15  
September 10th, 2006, 12:22 PM
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Posts: 328
Thanks or everything, it's really helped me out!
I got through my first week fine! Yay!
I had a bad moment, though. We had an assembly about drunk driving and this man starting talking about the loss of his daughter, and I completely lost it. That's alright, though, it has to be let out sometimes. It was Really sad
I'm just trying to relax, go to some football games, things like that, though. It's not too bad.
Thanks again, you guys are my support!
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needs to make a siggy!!!
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