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Forum: Recurrent Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
September 15th, 2006, 08:52 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Dh went on a trip with the kids he coaches so I'm on my own this weekend. I was looking forward to a little quite time to do some chores and take an online course I need to get done for my license...for some reason though I feel really down tonight. Don't know if it's exacerbated by DH being gone or simply Raven's DD coming up. The other day I realized 2 girls I was pg with (whom I had met on this board) had their babies...I was/am happy for them...one inparticular because her story is so tragic...she's had many losses and finally she has her baby...but after awhile I remembered...I should be having Raven right now. Her DD is Sept 19.
I've been waiting for AF and she still hasn't shown...the dr said we could try this nxt cycle but I need AF to make her appearance to get that started. I bought some clothes today keeping in mind I may be pg in the near future...I was happy to find the longer baggy tops are in...but then I thought about "it" not happening.
If I elt myself think about it all...every loss...the heartache of the accident, tears are instantious.
I still carry Raven's u/s pic in my purse. I like to look at it now and then...
I have a lot of good things happening to me, to us right now. Dh has been given a clean bill of health by his oncologist recently, we're buying a home, I have a higher paying job...but yet when I sit in the quiet...the saddness creeps in. I guess it really will always be there.
I just needed to get these feeling out. Thanks for listening.
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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #2  
September 15th, 2006, 10:04 PM
srs srs is offline
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Norina,
My heart goes out to you. I totally understand what you wrote about the sadness creeping in - it happens to me just about every day at some point. Due dates are especially tough, and Raven's death was so tragic and unnecessary. I know all of our losses are unnecessary, but that one was especially cruel given the circumstances.
Anyhow, I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. All I can offer is that you're not alone. Please post or pm me anytime you need to talk.
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  #3  
September 15th, 2006, 10:12 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you Sara...your words are comforting. your friendship means so much...especially right now.
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #4  
September 16th, 2006, 11:33 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Oh hun - I so relate. On Thurdays night I was in my hotel room, talking to Joel late at night on hte phone & just lost it. I was bawling. I was telling him how much I needed to be home right now & not laone traveling on the road. I told him that I don't think it will be okay this time - I am not sure I will ever believe that & I need someone to hold me at night - not to be falling asleep with the TV to drown out my thoughts. I felt really bad as I know he hates me being on the road too - so I felt like I dumped a whole bunch on him that he has no control over either. He was really great abou tit & even with having him on the phone - I still felt alone. I knew at any moment when we hung up the reality was still there that I was far away from home - alone. I usually do much better than that - I seldom feel teary about being away anymore...but I think with the 12 wk mark appraoching - soemhow I had thought it would make me feel better & when it wasn't making me feel better, I started to feel panicky that I may never feel better. Truth is, maybe I won't I don't know. I have never been there - so I can't begin to say that I know how I will feel at any point in time on this stupid mess of a journey. Just knwo that I am always here & you can call/pm/im anytime. You have helped me so much through all of this & I hope that I can help you in some way in return.
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  #5  
September 16th, 2006, 12:49 PM
MrsMandy
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I'm so sorry. I really don't have any great words, i just wanted to tell you that you are not alone, and that i'm so sorry for your losses and i hope you find peace as your due date is approaching.
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  #6  
September 16th, 2006, 01:03 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
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Thank you all...
I'm feeling a bit beter because I think Beck and i figured out my cycle...this spotting i keep talking about it most likely a light AF (she is a genius and remembered that I had a very light AF last time i got off estrogen too...that was last Oct)...which means I should be on the road to ttc conceive soon. that makes me hopeful...and scared all at the same time. I think having my body so off (or at least thinking it was), having dh gone (he can't call because there is no cell service where they are...they're on some island off the coast of Santa Barbara playing with seals, roppeling, rock climbing, snorkling...and to be honest with you I'm jealous. i couldn't go because I have this new job and can't ask for time off so soon), having Raven's dd approaching...anyway it was just a sad time for me last night. today is anew and with such great friends like you I'm feeling more optimistic today. thanks again.
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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  #7  
September 16th, 2006, 10:17 PM
srs srs is offline
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glad to hear it's going better.
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  #8  
September 26th, 2006, 10:50 AM
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i know what you mean. it seems like with so many miscarriages that i have a due date coming every month.

i seem to miscarry on my due dates. i had my second miscarriage on my due date of my first miscarriage. i had my third miscarriage a week before my due date for my second miscarriage. crazy.

try and stay positive. it's really hard. it sounds like you have a lot of good things in your life right now. try and focus on those things and you'll feel better.

good luck to you.

you're in my thoughts.
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  #9  
September 26th, 2006, 09:41 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,991
Quote:
i know what you mean. it seems like with so many miscarriages that i have a due date coming every month.

i seem to miscarry on my due dates. i had my second miscarriage on my due date of my first miscarriage. i had my third miscarriage a week before my due date for my second miscarriage. crazy.

try and stay positive. it's really hard. it sounds like you have a lot of good things in your life right now. try and focus on those things and you'll feel better.

good luck to you.

you're in my thoughts.[/b]
Thank you...you are in mine as well. I'm a bit better now that my body's kinda getting back on track (I got my first real AF yesterday since june).
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Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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